Post by The Karma Keeper on Sept 29, 2013 9:21:49 GMT -6
Once upon a time, there was an angel. The prettiest angel there ever was, not a speck of dust on her wings. She was perfect in every way, innocent and sweet. Her two parents loved her very much, a star in the eyes of his father and the best thing to ever happen to the young man who just wanted a family to call his own. They excitedly awaited her arrival, the stork far off in the distance to make sure everything went alright with a closed bill and crossed wings. A baby shower was planned, a nursery was carefully constructed in her honer dressed in pink and white, and as the days winded down, the excitement only seemed to grow more and more and more. It was a happy time that is one for the storybooks, a fairytale if there ever was one.
But not all fairytales have happy endings. Sometimes fairytales keep you awake at night and tear at your heart strings. And sometimes, when you're really unlucky, fairytales can be absolutely one hundred percent true.
December 9, 2012
The worst day of my life...
Drugs. A small stash of hallucinogenics changed everything for the worst. Why did I have to take that stuff, God? Why did I have to fucking take stuff just to make me happy inside this sick and twisted head of mine? I never hurt anyone, never done anything out of the blue because of that stuff. But the mere thought that I took them, the mere thought that somebody behind a veil of the unknown stabbed both of us in the back, ruined my life entirely.
Alanna was taken away. She returned to her father, the abusive, asshole boyfriend who conceived her along with Saylor long ago, that is before I even got to know her that well, back when she was still in High School. Others judged and belittled the love of my life back then, but not me. To tell the truth, I never asked any questions. I might have stood up for her a few times between me and a bystander who spewed hatred from their lips but it never did any good. I tried to argue that perhaps Cameron, the evil ex-boyfriend, was a decent guy who loved and cherished her for everything she was. How wrong I was.
Tragic as it was, Alanna was trapped inside that dark stony dungeon lead by the evil ex-boyfriend of my dearest wife. Dragons fluttered, scraping the sky as my then step-daughter peered out the window, gargoyles lining the outer walls. Raindrops covered the gloomy atmosphere as well as both our cheeks as we mourned the loss of Saylor's one and only daughter at the hands of the sinister corporation called DYFS.
What is DYFS, you ask? It's pronounced 'Die-Fis'. Division of Youth and Family Services. It's a New Jersey thing, a group of people who wrongfully accuse parents of being horrible on a daily basis and chose to rip the happiness from the clutches of every good parent who's believed to have abused their child. Does your kid have a black eye from honestly falling down the stairs or a baseball accident? Did your kid cry wolf in a moment of weakness? You can bet DYFS, or your version of it in whatever state you're from, will be called by his or her teacher or doctor and your child will be torn away from their rightful home.
How do you fix it? It doesn't end until a lengthy trial takes place. The cost? More than you realize, not including all the emotional turmoil that goes along with it that fucks with your head. Plenty of money gets fished in to your greedy egotistical lawyer's bank account who needs to be payed for doing the right thing like some Hero For Hire specialist who would sooner call you a bad parent if the stream of money were to stop. It lasts for an eternity, trial after trial, dollar after dollar, and when it's finally over, when it's finally done with, there's still more pain around the corner.
Every so often, on unspecified days, comes the assessments. They barge into your house like they're entitled, trying to act friendly but secretly judging you inside their heads. It's sickening. They ask you questions, pointless questions, and they speak to your Alanna in private to make sure I didn't lay a hand on her. Every time, it's the same answer. No, I never touched my daughter. And every time, they don't believe her, always coming back in about a month to ask the same round of questions and ask about your personal life and what's going on in my wrestling career.
It really bothered them that I beat people up for a living. It really bothered them that I frankly enjoyed it, my psychosis diagnosis coming back to bite me on the ass. But yet, after plenty of visits and all that money lost, they managed to do the unthinkable before we even got to see Alanna. It's been months, months that felt like years, and I couldn't imagine the torture she had to endure. But DYFS showed their demonic unspeakable power of persuasion in a way that I never thought possible:
They turned Saylor against me.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, just coming from the bedroom with a mess of bedhead and bloodshot eyes from not enough sleep. My face was scruffy and unkempt, yet I tried my best to stay happy for her, to stay smiling and positive as physically possible. To my surprise, she
I was just coming from the bedroom with a mess of bedhead and bloodshot eyes from not enough sleep. My face was scruffy and unkempt, yet I tried my best to stay happy for her, to stay smiling and positive as psychically possible. While walking the hallway, I turned my head to spot Alanna's room, empty and barren as she stayed trapped in the dungeon losing hope by the day. I missed her. I fucking missed her more than anything. It was consuming me, changing me to the core. DYFS wouldn't get off our ass and the whole scenario was something out of the terrific horror story.
I followed the path towards the living room, expecting a 'good morning, baby' from my Saylor as I approached. Nothing. Silence.
"Are you okay?" My words were pure and true, standing besides the leather couch in which she sat, gently and awkwardly putting a comforting hand on a pregnant Saylor's shoulder. Her head was down and her eyes were locked to the floor, as if thinking about everything that's happened in the last few months since July. That's when she met me. It was December now.
"Say... You were fine before, weren't you? What's the problem?" I asked, trying my best not to sound too harsh. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, as much as I like to think I am. I'm not the perfect husband either these days. My techniques came straight off the silver screen, trying to emulate the boyfriends I saw on those old sitcoms where problems were fixed in a matter of about 30 minutes. That's what I wanted.
"I... I don't feel right. Without Alanna here... I feel like the world is going to end. I haven't stopped crying since last night. I can't do this, Nick. I just can't do this." Those pitiful words were hidden behind her soft sobbing, her beautiful brown eyes swelling up with tears as she spoke her mind. I could tell she was losing hope. I could tell she was losing faith in me. Fucking DYFS stole her hope away, didn't they? They drained her of everything I knew she was capable of, drained her of her sunshine. I tried my best to console her, a gentle yet fake smile on my face.
"The world isn't going to end, Sunshine. We'll get her back. You know we will! And if the world does end... at least we have each other." I smiled again, not afraid of the Romeo and Juliet ending. It was comforting. Understandably, she didn't share the same opinion. She shot me a dirty look, She stood to her feet, her body language frigid, an uncomfortable mix of aggravation, contempt, and perhaps disappointment. Her hands curled up into two fists resting on her hips while she spoke. I backed away slowly, standing a good two feet away from her. I didn't like this Saylor. I wanted the happy Saylor to come back. I wanted the Saylor that made everything okay without even missing a beat, the one that held my hand and smiled whenever something was bothering me.
"Nick, this is my child we're talking about! I might not ever get her back and this is how you try to comfort me? By saying at least we have each other?" she growled, daggers of hatred in her eyes as she started to mock me mercilessly. "'Yeah, sure, at least we have each other, Saylor. Who gives a shit if your only child is with her whack job father!?'"
The one person who was supposed to be on my side, the one person who would always be there for me when nobody else gave a damn, was turning on me in a rage of emotion. I shot back, my eyes swelling on their own from the pain she caused me as I tried to hold on to my control, trying my absolute best to keep a hold of this thing called 'reality.'
"No! That's not how it works!" I shouted almost from the top of my lungs. "All I'm saying is, we can't keep crying and moping over all this when we could be trying our damnedest to stay happy; when we could be giving a huge middle finger to DYFS for thinking we're horrible by doing the best we can! I know it's not easy, but this isn't gonna help, alright? This isn't going to show them that we're fantastic parents, is it?" My little rant sounded unintentionally angry. Emotions were heated, I couldn't help myself.
"I gave the God damn lawyer the proof that Cameron hit me. He said it wasn't good enough!" Saylor retorted. Hence why I said he was abusive and evil before. "Cameron hit me in front of Alanna and that wasn't even good enough to get her back. What makes you think anything we do will ever be?"
Reality hurts. It feels like a harsh gavel slamming down on me, so much so that it practically flattens me into a pancake like in a cartoon. Her tempers flared more than I thought possible, her eyes flooding as tears slipped down her delicate cheeks and ruined her makeup on the right side a little, the black stuff streaming down onto her cheek and onto her shirt. I glanced at the floor, closing my eyes as I spoke, her loud shouts making me want to run away from it all when this was all over.
"It'll get better because... Because you made a promise..."
The words were pitiful and childish, I'm sure. My voice was soft and concise now, staring at my white Hane's socks just wanting the fighting to end. I wanted things to be back to the way they were. I wanted to be happy again. I made it a point to do everything in my power to make us both happy, no matter who's feelings or body got hurt in the process.
"Some promises don't mean shit, Nick! Not all promises are secure. This isn't in our hands. All we can do is hope? What the fuck is that going to do!?"
Reality hurts. I try to avoid it at all cost, try to think about some distant world that doesn't contain cause and consequence as much as reality does. There's no reload button in real life but there's a power off button that puts me in a different head space, that makes everything easier if only until I'm forced to turn it back on again.
"It's going to bring her back... You said this would be our happily ever after. You said we deserved this. You promised... You promised all that stuff... And I'm not about to just give up on that just 'cause things look--" She interrupted my words with her own after shoving me backwards harshly out of anger, spinning a heart wrenching tale that made my stomach start to feel like I was swallowing battery acid. I remember the words clearly and vividly, the words that changed everything. I don't blame Saylor. I blame DYFS for making her think that way. I blame all their assuming questions that made me out to be the bad guy on why she decided to tear my heart into a thousand shreds that day. It hurts. Reality hurts.
"Because things look hopeless? When I met you, I thought to myself, 'This guy is absolutely hopeless.' You proved me wrong. I hoped I could change you. I hoped I could make you a better person. It turns out you were more hopeless than I thought. You haven't changed. It was a lie that I believed in and it ended up getting my daughter taken away. That's proof enough that a hopeless situation CAN'T BE CHANGED WITH HO--"
Hopeless. She said I was hopeless. I'll never forget when I lost control, when she started shoving me over and over, my mind blurring the line between reality and fantasy. The one person I cared about even more than myself had deemed me as hopeless, the one person I loved with all my heart lost faith in me. I shoved her backwards, harder than she shoved me in the midst of emotion, not realizing it was truly happening. Saylor stumbled on my notebook on the floor, catching herself on her stomach in what can only be seen as the worst mental image I possibly have.
Isabella Nova Kramer... Baby Zaylor... My daughter... was dead. And no matter how much I like to believe it was somebody else's fault or some outside force like God saying that everything happens for a reason, I know now in my heart that it was all my fault...
Baby Izzy... I miss you... I can't close my eyes at night without seeing your goddamn ultrasound half the time! I can't look at Liam or Aiden without thinking that that should've been you... I just miss you so fucking much and I hope that one day, I'll finally get to meet you somewhere, get to see if you ever forgave me for something I can never forgive myself for...
I'm a horrible person, Izzy. I'm a murderer... I'm a fucking murderer who misses his daughter... God, why did you have to do it? Why did you have to let me do that? You could've stopped me, you could've made sure she was okay, but... But you hate me, don't you? You fucking hate me... You made my life a living hell, and I can't understand why... What the fuck have I ever done to you?! Why'd you have to take her away from me?! You fucking bastard! You fucking bastard!!
If there's really a God out there somewhere, please kill me now because I still can't live with myself.
...
...
...
You think it's funny to watch me squirm, don't you? Well, watch me become the best wrestler in the world, God. Watch me become the EXPro World Champion. I'll make you proud of me, Isabella... I'll make you so fucking proud of me...
Wherever you are...
So, let me get this straight. I could wrestle circles around half this company's employees and the guy they have me against is some drunken slob who hangs around Adrien for a living? Bullshit. Why does he even have a job? Why is he even employed?
Oh, that's right. He's on the payroll 'cause he's Adrien's ball and chain, on the roster because he can't do anything else with his goddamn life. He's on the roster because he can't get pulled off Nair's tit.
Aren't you a little old for breast feeding?
Oh, wait. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you leave Adrien's home recently? What a douchebag move. He did everything for you and you just decide to leave without so much of a thank you? I hope you're homeless now. I really do. You didn't even say thank you...
If that's all true, then what's EXODUS' excuse for keeping you now? You haven't won a match, have you Marks? Then why? And now you think this is your upcoming shot to prevail where you've failed countless times before? If you beat me, I lose faith in the rest of humanity. If you win, I lose faith in 'God's' big construct of the world and that 'everything happens for a reason.' Yeah, riiiight.
Sometimes things happen because people are evil shits who just wanna make a point and make the world worse for it. Like 9/11. Explain how 9/11 happened for a reason, Jerry Matthews. Explain how all those innocent people were all killed without 'God' doing a thing about it. Explain how your fucked up religion explains how messed up the world is without justice being served swiftly as it should?
If God exists, Osama bin Laden would've been shot 10 years before.
I'll give you a favor, Jerry. I'll be your new god who actually exists. I'll be the god who decides to bring justice to all those bad guys who deserve it on my heroic quest to the top. I'll be your god who sends Chris Marks' hopes dashing towards the sun when this match is over. I'll be your god who you're free to worship or not worship because unlike the real one, I won't send you to an imaginary hell if you choose not to 'worship' or applaud me when I come out of that curtain. I won't blame you for booing either. You have the right to your own opinion, just like the rest of the world, even if I happen to disagree. That's just how I am. I lack an ego, a just god who does what's right for everyone. Isn't that what EXODUS needs after the LEGION war ended?
The LEGION were bad guys who kidnapped and brought up people's family. I was blind to the truth, idolizing them like fake gods myself. My eyes are open now, seeing that they weren't right in their approach and neither was Sekigun's. I plan on picking up those pieces left of the war and making things right for all the people still concerned with what happens now, something I'm sure Nicolas Grey would applaud.
That starts with you, Chris. I've been restless since I've been out of the ring and I'm in dire need to have some fun with a baddie like you. It's too bad you're just a grunt and not even near the boss-level that Fiona and Jon Collins held, but it's all the same outcome. I'll vanquish you with the selfless intent to make you look better than you really are in the eyes of FX so the network's good wishes smile upon me. That's what I'm all about. And when you come face to face with my elbow and you're lying on your back, watching the little EXODUS stars like Johnny Cannon and Blake Jones circle around your head, I want you to remember that you brought this on yourself.
I'm not just a god who stands for justice either, Chris. Oh no. There's also a second part to the trademarked name I hold close to my sleeve these days. Can you guess what it is?
...
BINGO! If you said monster, you win!
Yes, monster. That is what'll be opposite you when that bell rings and what the eyes of everyone in the building and watching at home will clearly see me as. I stand for justice but I'm ruthless and merciless in my methods, some may say. I find pleasure in it, a shear amount of fun to be had as I try to get the high score and ruin your career for tainting what wrestling should be.
Bullies don't belong here, this is my territory.
Think of me as a Legendary Deathclaw.
The second you approach me with evil intentions, you best be ready to fight me off or you'll be looking at that game over screen again and again and again! And if you don't play Fallout, let me rephrase it...
If you're a bad guy who thinks they're better than anyone else, if you're a sinister asshole who feels the need to act high and mighty compared to the rest of the world? Then I'm coming for you. I will chase you down to the ends of the earth just to get management to set up that match, one you better fear coming. I'll do everything it takes to punish the bad guys of this company - of this world - by making them regret every bad choice they ever made when looking at their reflection in the mirror.
Be joyful, EXODUS. I'll protect you from becoming tainted by evil at all cost. You're in safe hands now. You'll all stay innocent as long as I have anything to say about it.
Adrien Cochrane should just give me the thousand dollars he'll owe me right now. He already knows the outcome, just like everyone else.
Reality hurts, doesn't it Chris?
But not all fairytales have happy endings. Sometimes fairytales keep you awake at night and tear at your heart strings. And sometimes, when you're really unlucky, fairytales can be absolutely one hundred percent true.
December 9, 2012
The worst day of my life...
Drugs. A small stash of hallucinogenics changed everything for the worst. Why did I have to take that stuff, God? Why did I have to fucking take stuff just to make me happy inside this sick and twisted head of mine? I never hurt anyone, never done anything out of the blue because of that stuff. But the mere thought that I took them, the mere thought that somebody behind a veil of the unknown stabbed both of us in the back, ruined my life entirely.
Alanna was taken away. She returned to her father, the abusive, asshole boyfriend who conceived her along with Saylor long ago, that is before I even got to know her that well, back when she was still in High School. Others judged and belittled the love of my life back then, but not me. To tell the truth, I never asked any questions. I might have stood up for her a few times between me and a bystander who spewed hatred from their lips but it never did any good. I tried to argue that perhaps Cameron, the evil ex-boyfriend, was a decent guy who loved and cherished her for everything she was. How wrong I was.
Tragic as it was, Alanna was trapped inside that dark stony dungeon lead by the evil ex-boyfriend of my dearest wife. Dragons fluttered, scraping the sky as my then step-daughter peered out the window, gargoyles lining the outer walls. Raindrops covered the gloomy atmosphere as well as both our cheeks as we mourned the loss of Saylor's one and only daughter at the hands of the sinister corporation called DYFS.
What is DYFS, you ask? It's pronounced 'Die-Fis'. Division of Youth and Family Services. It's a New Jersey thing, a group of people who wrongfully accuse parents of being horrible on a daily basis and chose to rip the happiness from the clutches of every good parent who's believed to have abused their child. Does your kid have a black eye from honestly falling down the stairs or a baseball accident? Did your kid cry wolf in a moment of weakness? You can bet DYFS, or your version of it in whatever state you're from, will be called by his or her teacher or doctor and your child will be torn away from their rightful home.
How do you fix it? It doesn't end until a lengthy trial takes place. The cost? More than you realize, not including all the emotional turmoil that goes along with it that fucks with your head. Plenty of money gets fished in to your greedy egotistical lawyer's bank account who needs to be payed for doing the right thing like some Hero For Hire specialist who would sooner call you a bad parent if the stream of money were to stop. It lasts for an eternity, trial after trial, dollar after dollar, and when it's finally over, when it's finally done with, there's still more pain around the corner.
Every so often, on unspecified days, comes the assessments. They barge into your house like they're entitled, trying to act friendly but secretly judging you inside their heads. It's sickening. They ask you questions, pointless questions, and they speak to your Alanna in private to make sure I didn't lay a hand on her. Every time, it's the same answer. No, I never touched my daughter. And every time, they don't believe her, always coming back in about a month to ask the same round of questions and ask about your personal life and what's going on in my wrestling career.
It really bothered them that I beat people up for a living. It really bothered them that I frankly enjoyed it, my psychosis diagnosis coming back to bite me on the ass. But yet, after plenty of visits and all that money lost, they managed to do the unthinkable before we even got to see Alanna. It's been months, months that felt like years, and I couldn't imagine the torture she had to endure. But DYFS showed their demonic unspeakable power of persuasion in a way that I never thought possible:
They turned Saylor against me.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, just coming from the bedroom with a mess of bedhead and bloodshot eyes from not enough sleep. My face was scruffy and unkempt, yet I tried my best to stay happy for her, to stay smiling and positive as physically possible. To my surprise, she
I was just coming from the bedroom with a mess of bedhead and bloodshot eyes from not enough sleep. My face was scruffy and unkempt, yet I tried my best to stay happy for her, to stay smiling and positive as psychically possible. While walking the hallway, I turned my head to spot Alanna's room, empty and barren as she stayed trapped in the dungeon losing hope by the day. I missed her. I fucking missed her more than anything. It was consuming me, changing me to the core. DYFS wouldn't get off our ass and the whole scenario was something out of the terrific horror story.
I followed the path towards the living room, expecting a 'good morning, baby' from my Saylor as I approached. Nothing. Silence.
"Are you okay?" My words were pure and true, standing besides the leather couch in which she sat, gently and awkwardly putting a comforting hand on a pregnant Saylor's shoulder. Her head was down and her eyes were locked to the floor, as if thinking about everything that's happened in the last few months since July. That's when she met me. It was December now.
"Say... You were fine before, weren't you? What's the problem?" I asked, trying my best not to sound too harsh. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, as much as I like to think I am. I'm not the perfect husband either these days. My techniques came straight off the silver screen, trying to emulate the boyfriends I saw on those old sitcoms where problems were fixed in a matter of about 30 minutes. That's what I wanted.
"I... I don't feel right. Without Alanna here... I feel like the world is going to end. I haven't stopped crying since last night. I can't do this, Nick. I just can't do this." Those pitiful words were hidden behind her soft sobbing, her beautiful brown eyes swelling up with tears as she spoke her mind. I could tell she was losing hope. I could tell she was losing faith in me. Fucking DYFS stole her hope away, didn't they? They drained her of everything I knew she was capable of, drained her of her sunshine. I tried my best to console her, a gentle yet fake smile on my face.
"The world isn't going to end, Sunshine. We'll get her back. You know we will! And if the world does end... at least we have each other." I smiled again, not afraid of the Romeo and Juliet ending. It was comforting. Understandably, she didn't share the same opinion. She shot me a dirty look, She stood to her feet, her body language frigid, an uncomfortable mix of aggravation, contempt, and perhaps disappointment. Her hands curled up into two fists resting on her hips while she spoke. I backed away slowly, standing a good two feet away from her. I didn't like this Saylor. I wanted the happy Saylor to come back. I wanted the Saylor that made everything okay without even missing a beat, the one that held my hand and smiled whenever something was bothering me.
"Nick, this is my child we're talking about! I might not ever get her back and this is how you try to comfort me? By saying at least we have each other?" she growled, daggers of hatred in her eyes as she started to mock me mercilessly. "'Yeah, sure, at least we have each other, Saylor. Who gives a shit if your only child is with her whack job father!?'"
The one person who was supposed to be on my side, the one person who would always be there for me when nobody else gave a damn, was turning on me in a rage of emotion. I shot back, my eyes swelling on their own from the pain she caused me as I tried to hold on to my control, trying my absolute best to keep a hold of this thing called 'reality.'
"No! That's not how it works!" I shouted almost from the top of my lungs. "All I'm saying is, we can't keep crying and moping over all this when we could be trying our damnedest to stay happy; when we could be giving a huge middle finger to DYFS for thinking we're horrible by doing the best we can! I know it's not easy, but this isn't gonna help, alright? This isn't going to show them that we're fantastic parents, is it?" My little rant sounded unintentionally angry. Emotions were heated, I couldn't help myself.
"I gave the God damn lawyer the proof that Cameron hit me. He said it wasn't good enough!" Saylor retorted. Hence why I said he was abusive and evil before. "Cameron hit me in front of Alanna and that wasn't even good enough to get her back. What makes you think anything we do will ever be?"
Reality hurts. It feels like a harsh gavel slamming down on me, so much so that it practically flattens me into a pancake like in a cartoon. Her tempers flared more than I thought possible, her eyes flooding as tears slipped down her delicate cheeks and ruined her makeup on the right side a little, the black stuff streaming down onto her cheek and onto her shirt. I glanced at the floor, closing my eyes as I spoke, her loud shouts making me want to run away from it all when this was all over.
"It'll get better because... Because you made a promise..."
The words were pitiful and childish, I'm sure. My voice was soft and concise now, staring at my white Hane's socks just wanting the fighting to end. I wanted things to be back to the way they were. I wanted to be happy again. I made it a point to do everything in my power to make us both happy, no matter who's feelings or body got hurt in the process.
"Some promises don't mean shit, Nick! Not all promises are secure. This isn't in our hands. All we can do is hope? What the fuck is that going to do!?"
Reality hurts. I try to avoid it at all cost, try to think about some distant world that doesn't contain cause and consequence as much as reality does. There's no reload button in real life but there's a power off button that puts me in a different head space, that makes everything easier if only until I'm forced to turn it back on again.
"It's going to bring her back... You said this would be our happily ever after. You said we deserved this. You promised... You promised all that stuff... And I'm not about to just give up on that just 'cause things look--" She interrupted my words with her own after shoving me backwards harshly out of anger, spinning a heart wrenching tale that made my stomach start to feel like I was swallowing battery acid. I remember the words clearly and vividly, the words that changed everything. I don't blame Saylor. I blame DYFS for making her think that way. I blame all their assuming questions that made me out to be the bad guy on why she decided to tear my heart into a thousand shreds that day. It hurts. Reality hurts.
"Because things look hopeless? When I met you, I thought to myself, 'This guy is absolutely hopeless.' You proved me wrong. I hoped I could change you. I hoped I could make you a better person. It turns out you were more hopeless than I thought. You haven't changed. It was a lie that I believed in and it ended up getting my daughter taken away. That's proof enough that a hopeless situation CAN'T BE CHANGED WITH HO--"
Hopeless. She said I was hopeless. I'll never forget when I lost control, when she started shoving me over and over, my mind blurring the line between reality and fantasy. The one person I cared about even more than myself had deemed me as hopeless, the one person I loved with all my heart lost faith in me. I shoved her backwards, harder than she shoved me in the midst of emotion, not realizing it was truly happening. Saylor stumbled on my notebook on the floor, catching herself on her stomach in what can only be seen as the worst mental image I possibly have.
Isabella Nova Kramer... Baby Zaylor... My daughter... was dead. And no matter how much I like to believe it was somebody else's fault or some outside force like God saying that everything happens for a reason, I know now in my heart that it was all my fault...
Baby Izzy... I miss you... I can't close my eyes at night without seeing your goddamn ultrasound half the time! I can't look at Liam or Aiden without thinking that that should've been you... I just miss you so fucking much and I hope that one day, I'll finally get to meet you somewhere, get to see if you ever forgave me for something I can never forgive myself for...
I'm a horrible person, Izzy. I'm a murderer... I'm a fucking murderer who misses his daughter... God, why did you have to do it? Why did you have to let me do that? You could've stopped me, you could've made sure she was okay, but... But you hate me, don't you? You fucking hate me... You made my life a living hell, and I can't understand why... What the fuck have I ever done to you?! Why'd you have to take her away from me?! You fucking bastard! You fucking bastard!!
If there's really a God out there somewhere, please kill me now because I still can't live with myself.
...
...
...
You think it's funny to watch me squirm, don't you? Well, watch me become the best wrestler in the world, God. Watch me become the EXPro World Champion. I'll make you proud of me, Isabella... I'll make you so fucking proud of me...
Wherever you are...
In memory of...
Isabella Nova Kramer
August 2nd 2012 - December 9, 2012
-----------------------------
Oh, that's right. He's on the payroll 'cause he's Adrien's ball and chain, on the roster because he can't do anything else with his goddamn life. He's on the roster because he can't get pulled off Nair's tit.
Aren't you a little old for breast feeding?
Oh, wait. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you leave Adrien's home recently? What a douchebag move. He did everything for you and you just decide to leave without so much of a thank you? I hope you're homeless now. I really do. You didn't even say thank you...
If that's all true, then what's EXODUS' excuse for keeping you now? You haven't won a match, have you Marks? Then why? And now you think this is your upcoming shot to prevail where you've failed countless times before? If you beat me, I lose faith in the rest of humanity. If you win, I lose faith in 'God's' big construct of the world and that 'everything happens for a reason.' Yeah, riiiight.
Sometimes things happen because people are evil shits who just wanna make a point and make the world worse for it. Like 9/11. Explain how 9/11 happened for a reason, Jerry Matthews. Explain how all those innocent people were all killed without 'God' doing a thing about it. Explain how your fucked up religion explains how messed up the world is without justice being served swiftly as it should?
If God exists, Osama bin Laden would've been shot 10 years before.
I'll give you a favor, Jerry. I'll be your new god who actually exists. I'll be the god who decides to bring justice to all those bad guys who deserve it on my heroic quest to the top. I'll be your god who sends Chris Marks' hopes dashing towards the sun when this match is over. I'll be your god who you're free to worship or not worship because unlike the real one, I won't send you to an imaginary hell if you choose not to 'worship' or applaud me when I come out of that curtain. I won't blame you for booing either. You have the right to your own opinion, just like the rest of the world, even if I happen to disagree. That's just how I am. I lack an ego, a just god who does what's right for everyone. Isn't that what EXODUS needs after the LEGION war ended?
The LEGION were bad guys who kidnapped and brought up people's family. I was blind to the truth, idolizing them like fake gods myself. My eyes are open now, seeing that they weren't right in their approach and neither was Sekigun's. I plan on picking up those pieces left of the war and making things right for all the people still concerned with what happens now, something I'm sure Nicolas Grey would applaud.
That starts with you, Chris. I've been restless since I've been out of the ring and I'm in dire need to have some fun with a baddie like you. It's too bad you're just a grunt and not even near the boss-level that Fiona and Jon Collins held, but it's all the same outcome. I'll vanquish you with the selfless intent to make you look better than you really are in the eyes of FX so the network's good wishes smile upon me. That's what I'm all about. And when you come face to face with my elbow and you're lying on your back, watching the little EXODUS stars like Johnny Cannon and Blake Jones circle around your head, I want you to remember that you brought this on yourself.
I'm not just a god who stands for justice either, Chris. Oh no. There's also a second part to the trademarked name I hold close to my sleeve these days. Can you guess what it is?
...
BINGO! If you said monster, you win!
Yes, monster. That is what'll be opposite you when that bell rings and what the eyes of everyone in the building and watching at home will clearly see me as. I stand for justice but I'm ruthless and merciless in my methods, some may say. I find pleasure in it, a shear amount of fun to be had as I try to get the high score and ruin your career for tainting what wrestling should be.
Bullies don't belong here, this is my territory.
Think of me as a Legendary Deathclaw.
The second you approach me with evil intentions, you best be ready to fight me off or you'll be looking at that game over screen again and again and again! And if you don't play Fallout, let me rephrase it...
If you're a bad guy who thinks they're better than anyone else, if you're a sinister asshole who feels the need to act high and mighty compared to the rest of the world? Then I'm coming for you. I will chase you down to the ends of the earth just to get management to set up that match, one you better fear coming. I'll do everything it takes to punish the bad guys of this company - of this world - by making them regret every bad choice they ever made when looking at their reflection in the mirror.
Be joyful, EXODUS. I'll protect you from becoming tainted by evil at all cost. You're in safe hands now. You'll all stay innocent as long as I have anything to say about it.
Adrien Cochrane should just give me the thousand dollars he'll owe me right now. He already knows the outcome, just like everyone else.
Reality hurts, doesn't it Chris?
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