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Post by Dante Q on Nov 26, 2012 4:21:02 GMT -6
Since I have posted the first official roleplay in Exodus Pro history. Please can have some feedback.
Thanks kindly.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2012 9:59:46 GMT -6
I liked your RP ,kind of creepy setting lol. But you give a lot of attention to detail thats always a plus.You done a great job introducing yourself without going overboard with things we didnt need to know. You kept it basic yet detailed. I am looking forward to seeing the Alex Character better accomplished very soon
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Kevin
Rising Star
First EXODUS Pro Heavyweight Champion
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrragh
Posts: 128
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Post by Kevin on Nov 26, 2012 12:09:43 GMT -6
Your speech was good, but you fell into the same pitfall I've fallen into in the past, and written sections of physical description and action that accomplish NOTHING, are just there to break up the dialogue, and don't even describe your character's actions that well.
You gotta use those moments to do something useful for your character. Randy Savage didn't just stand in place, tapping his teeth and nodding. He did WILD BOMBASTIC OUTRAGEOUS THINGS, storming around the promo area and waving his arms!
And if Savage doesn't work for you(As I think he doesn't), Jake "The Snake" Roberts wouldn't just stand there like a statue either. Jake would do things with his hands to further his point, would stare into that camera like a man stares into the abyss, and would make you FEEL his psychosis.
So. Y'know. Try to do less of the stuff we're all guilty of, and try to make those moments count more.
Also, commas. You don't use enough of them. But going into the massive detail necessary to explain the proper usages, and the improper usages is too much for my poor little sick-person brain right now. Needless to say, comma usage is one of the things that a good half of e-fedders don't get.
Like I said. The actual promo was good, had substance, nice work. But you asked for feeding the back.
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