"s.o.s."

The most seductive thing on this planet is darkness. Sins and vices are often what lead us on the path to self-destruction. Sometimes, it's not even our own darkness that takes us places. We get caught up with the wrong people and we're dragged down into a hell we never can find ourselves out of.

And me?

Well I think it's pretty obvious where I am. Whether I like it or not, I was down here a long time ago. I've never been one to lament it, but I know I've got to be the one to choose to get out of it. It's the reason why I've decided to dive headfirst into this second chance. And yeah, maybe it's why I've become one of the more staunch defenders of Jonathan Collins. The man has looked to give second chances and opportunities to tons of athletes in the pro wrestling industry. I wasn't even in the business, but he gave me the opportunity, and it's not lost on me as I'm driving down the highway on my bike to see Cailey.

And then I see her.

Unlike in my dreams, there's Payton, looking to head north. Maybe it's time for her to go home, and it seems like even if I'm southward bound and we're in two different directions...maybe that's the right thing. Sometimes, people come into your life for one reason or another. Even if they don't stay long, they offer enough in their period of time in your life that leaves a resonance. Payton James taught me that I didn't have to just fall in between the cracks. Even if she's not here to understand that, I'll always know.

Did I love her? Yeah, I did. Payton was the first person who didn't think I was going to fall by the wayside. And even if there were remnants of someone breaking her heart, we had one another. We learned how to set fires together, to burn down everything that stood between us. There was an honest to goddamn god connection that was here, and it left me occasionally spinning. When it was good, it was amazing. When it was bad, it was horrible. We were passionate people, people who wanted things out of life. Things we felt were out of reach and things that we felt we were so close to and yet so far away were all here for us, and it was painful. There were nights when she didn't realize how much good she could have done in this world. It's like that old song by Don Henley said.

"Remember how you made me crazy? Remember how I made you scream."

There's sense in me that just finally thinking about it is cathartic. I visited every day, I really did. I visited every day until she wasn't there. The doctors said her parents helped her check out and took her home to Canada. Maybe she'll continue her dream there, maybe she'll never know that this became my dream. She'll never know I got my revenge on Jeremiah Robinson just because of her. She'll never know that right now, I'm a man being hunted by three sadistic bitches who seem to love setting shit on fire.

At the end of the day, the road from one end of this area to the other just seems longer because my mind is stretching the road and the time. A seemingly innocuous trip to Cailey seemed like a cross country journey, spanning everything.

I remember how it felt to see Payton hooked up to respirators, lifeless and not really there.

I remember the words Jaina Frost sent me from Cassidy Carter's phone, me finding out before anyone that she had been screaming and begging for Jonathan Collins to help her.

I remember looking at the life leaving Jeremiah Robinson when I defeated him, and I remember how much it hurt to watch Tommy in the hospital thanks to Jaina Frost and the other Sisters of Sin.

And I swore I would never hurt like that again.

As I keep on driving, I stop to think about the things that man who called himself The Aiken said. He told me once that clarity was there if I knew where to look. And I get it, you know? That's the seductive side of darkness, the call of the devil. It's when you feel like you've lost it all that you look towards these things, and I realize that now I'm in the next phase. There's all this talk of growth amongst the students. Who's ready to get called up to the main roster and who deserves what. All I know is that what I deserve is nowhere near what I'm getting...

...because I'm getting better than I've earned in life.

With a sigh, I stop and look at this girl on the side of the road. It's in my head, but maybe all of this has been there all along.

"Going my way?" she asks me. For a moment, I choke up. My words catch in my throat when Payton looks at me and asks me to give her a ride.

"Not this time, firefly. Where I'm going, you don't deserve to be dragged there. Where you're going, I'm not good enough to be there yet. Maybe our roads are gonna cross again someday and you and I are gonna set this world on fire, but right now? Right now, you and I need to learn what this life has for us both. Sooner or later, we'll find out why we met up in the first place, but for now...enjoy the ride," I say before I reach out and touch the back of her head.

"Maybe we'll meet again in the next life," she tells me.

"There's plenty of miles," I say back before nodding and touching our foreheads together.

"I love you, Carey Caldwell," she says.

"I know, Payton. And just know I waited. God, I waited as long as I could. I stayed there every day and I held you hand to the point that I pissed off Tommy. He told me I was fucking stupid for waiting and for thinking you'd come back to me, but I waited. I waited because I told you I would be there, and I meant every fucking word. But you never woke up, you never came back to me. I WAITED! I SUFFERED IN SILENCE! I don't blame you for staying asleep, it was your health, but I didn't purposely do this to hurt you. I've hurt so many people and I am so sorry, but I don't know what else to tell you," I say, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I forgive you, Carey. And someday, you're gonna forgive yourself," she tells me, kissing my forehead. My eyes close, and when I wake up, I've somehow been laying in Cailey's front lawn for the past twenty minutes. She's there looking at me, and I look like I've been drunk.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"It's 2:30. They're...getting used to you here," she says, sighing. "You look like shit and you smell like alcohol."

"I figured you'd be used to that by now," I say with a laugh.

"Where's your head at, Carey? You were driving your bike drunk, and you haven't been the same since my sister and the Hot Topic twins showed up at the show. You haven't been the same since the wedding, really. Where are you?" she asks me, a look of genuine concern on her face.

I could give her all sorts of answers. I could tell her that my mind is wondering if I betrayed someone. I could tell her that my faith in myself has been shaken, as I've yet to really get that one moment to get past the numbers game that seems to be growing with Rachel Foxx's minions. I could tell her a thousand truths and a thousand lies in my attempt to give her some sort of answer that would placate her.

But there's only one true answer.

"I don't know," I sigh.

The only true answer there is.

For a moment, there's nothing but silence and solitude. Two people adrift in a world that's foreign to them. Cailey never asked to be involved in professional wrestling, neither did I. Somehow, circumstances brought us together, and now we find ourselves in a position nobody envies. We're brought together because I chose to protect her. I made the choice to look after her in a world that even I didn't know a thing about, and maybe that's the trouble. I'm just as blind as she is in this world. We don't know just what darkness remains for us, really. And while the two of us remain lost at sea, there's something magnetic that keeps us together.

"Get your head together, Carey. If not for yourself, for me. We haven't lost anything yet. I know that it looks dark after what happened in Vegas with Jon and the Sekigun, but there's hope. There's always hope. Just remember that even through the darkest of clouds, there's sunlight," she says to me in a whisper, stroking my hair to brush it out of my face.

"I'm fine, Cailey," I tell her as I start to sit up and settle myself while sighing, all while she looks at me.

"YOU AREN'T FINE! YOU'RE SHUTTING YOURSELF OFF FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD! Carey, you idiot, when are you going to realize you're not alone anymore?! This isn't just a thing about you, this is more than that! For once in your life, why can't you just realize that sometimes life is bigger than you and your pride! I came to you because I thought you would help me save my sister, and even if I still think that, why can't you see that you're more than just a guardian and protector?" she says to me. "You're someone I care about!" she screams before she slaps me. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" she screams.

"WAKE UP!" she shouts again.

"WAKE! UP!"

And my eyes open.

Cailey is there, and I'm sitting in the locker room of the Dojo, Cailey with tears in her eyes as she finally seems to find some kind of relief when I open my eyes, taking a breath.

"Are you okay? You passed out?" she asks.

"I'm fine. Just...I don't know. Maybe I'm running myself ragged with everything. Helping you house hunt, here, everything. I'm trying my best here," I mumble as I get up and reach for a towel and some water. "I'll be fine," I sigh.

"Are you really?" she asks me.

And there's that thought in my head again.

"I don't know, blue eyes. I don't know."

You know, they always say there's a song for everything. It's no wonder that when I look at Cailey, I often think of the song "S.O.S." by Edgewater. The truth is that I don't know how to open up to her. I'm so emotionally stunted that just simply choosing to let her in is hardly an option. As much as I would like to do something like that, I can't. I've tried. I let someone in unconditionally and too easily when it came to Payton and found myself burned. Do I care about Cailey? Yeah, I do. I probably love her in my own fucked up way, but when your whole mind is south of sideways, there's no real easy way to let someone in. I'm tied up, lock and key, mentally. There's no way I can let someone in when I can't let myself out. As she looks at me, her eyes glassy from tears, I'm afraid I don't know how to comfort her other than offering her a hug.

"You're gonna get yourself killed, Carey," she says to me in a broken whisper.

"Not if I can help it," is my automatic response.

Sometimes, automatic answers are the only ones I know how to give.