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The lights come up in the Staples Center and the crowd is cheering, waiting for the opening of the show. However, there is no music and the EXOScreen remains blank. The cheers of the crowd turn to murmurs of confusion as the silence extends far longer than it should. Suddenly, a stagehand comes out, followed closely by Jimmy Riley.

Stagehand: Listen, Mr. Riley, everything’s set up in there - or at least, I think it is - but your tech intern, Ginny Jameson? She’s kind of, um… missing.

Jimmy Riley: ...What do you mean missing?

Stagehand: She’s not up in the booth where she should be. It’s empty, but we can’t get into the computers. She got into the system somehow and managed to lock everyone out. We can’t access anything.

Jimmy Riley: ...So we have no show until we find Ginny, that’s what you’re telling me?

Stagehand: Yessir, pretty much.

Suddenly, a video starts playing on the EXOScreen. Filmed earlier in the day, it features Ginny sitting alone in the center of the squared circle, the arena empty around her. All she has is a plastic cup, which she starts using to perform the audition scene from Pitch Perfect.



With her song concluded, Ginny looks up at the camera.

Ginny Jameson: You know, I do a lot for this company. I pull all nighters to make sure that everything runs smoothly on show days. I hang lights, I run mic wires, I inspect all the equipment to ensure that it’s up and running. I monitor our social media presence and run data metrics to help expand our fan base. And I edit in real time to keep everything on track and in compliance. But all I seem to get in return is bullying and threats to be taken to some farm Aries Reed may or may not actually have. I’m sick of it. So this is what happens when you’ve gotten on the techie girl’s last nerve. You see exactly what happens when I’m not here. I’m not like you guys, I can’t fight for respect out in the ring, which means I have to use the only power I have - to shut everything down and make my voice heard for once.

The screen goes dark once more, and a pattern of green numbers, letters, and symbols appear on it. The instrumental track to MC Lars’ “Space Game” starts playing as Ginny comes out from backstage, dressed all in black - combat boots, skinny jeans, and a tank top overlaid with a long leather duster. Sunglasses cover her eyes and her hair is pulled back. She grins and waves to the crowd as she runs down the ramp toward the ring. Once she gets there, she climbs the steps and enters over the middle rope, meeting Jimmy and the stagehand in the center of the ring. She gestures for the microphone and Jimmy hands it over, an amused look on his face.

Ginny Jameson: Let this be a message to everyone, from the directors of this company to the wrestling talent. When it comes to this stuff, I am the One. I am Neo. Without me, you don’t get shows. This is more than just my job. This is my passion. While you guys are out here in the ring throwing down everything you have, I’m doing the same up there. So if you don’t like that sometimes I have to put you on a delay and bleep out what you’ve said? Keep it to your damn self because making sure we don’t get fined and creating a great show is my way of protecting EXODUS. And remember this: what I did tonight, locking the computers up in the booth? That’s child’s play compared to what will happen if you test me again. I can erase your entire digital footprint. I can make it look like you never even existed. No official records, nothing. And if you don’t believe me? Just go ahead and try it.

Jimmy takes the other mic from the stagehand, who ducks under the ropes and leaves the two of them alone in the ring.

Jimmy Riley: Are you finished?

Ginny Jameson: Yeah, pretty much. I’ve said everything I wanted to say. By the way? Coming out here with my own theme music was awesome! I can see why you guys get such a thrill out of it.

Jimmy Riley: “Ginny, can we get the show started now?”

Ginny Jameson: Oh right! Yeah, hang on one sec.

Ginny pulls her phone and a stylus out of her pocket and starts tapping the screen quickly. A few moments later, she picks her head up and raises the mic once more.

Ginny Jameson: All right, the booth is unlocked and we’re good to go! So I guess without any further delay, welcome everyone to Dead in Hollywood!

Jimmy and Ginny exit the ring to uproarious cheers from the crowd as the event gets under way.



There's fireworks! There's a light show! THERE'S "DEAD IN HOLLYWOOD" BY THE MURDERDOLLS! The crowd goes crazy as we pan around the arena, and there's Dick and Seth!

Dick Morosi: Folks, welcome to the first EXODUS iPPV of 2015! I'm Dick Morosi, my partner is Seth Ericson, and we are here live at the Staples Center for Dead In Hollywood! We've got ten huge matches and every title is on the line, culminating with the main event where Chris Strike makes his V1 Defense of the EXODUS Pro World Title against Abby Park!

Seth Ericson: It's V1 Defense attempts all across the board, Dick! Christian Kane puts the International Title up against Justin Brooks and former champ Lexy Chapel, Chandler Scott defends the San Diego Bay Title against Shozo Arino, and TROUBLE kicks off their second reign against the tag team of GRENDEL and Aries Reed, Uncensored!

Dick Morosi: And we've got other huge grudge matches for you! Zack Lifer faces Adrien Cochrane, Angela Jameson meets Devan Whitmore, and the entity known as mara will meet Fiona Collins in what the two have vowed on Twitter will be a bloodbath! Not to mention Andreas Lasiewicz has his first match in EXODUS since losing the World Title almost nine months ago when he meets the same man he lost the title to, Johnny Cannon!

Seth Ericson: Let's not forget the finals of (R)Evolution Wrestling's Top of the Class tournament! A golden ticket to the main roster is waiting for either Shinji Uchikawa or Anastasia Starling by the end of the night! But first, let's kick things off with the Call Your Shot holder and the first graduate of the RW Dojo! It's The Masked Salaryman to meet Black Jones next!



As the EXOScreen lights up for the introduction of the next participant, what follows is an obviously green-screened image of a desert, with a strange looking pod slowly being opened to reveal a figure dressed in what looks like an elaborate witch outfit. The figure is, additionally, wearing a mask to make the "witch" look like someone known to and loathed by all of the EXODUS faithful.

"Not" Zack Lifer: AHHHHH! AFTER TWO WEEKS, I'M FREE! IT'S TIME TO CONQUER EXODUS BECAUSE I HAVE A LEGALLY BINDING CONTRACT EVEN IF IT TOTALLY ISN'T!

The scene fades away from that to an a mockup of a set that should be very familiar to most of the crowd that actually watches EXODUS programming. In the laboratory/headquarters looking building, a robot scurries around. It looks very similar to a certain robot well-known to most fans of America's first sentai program, with the exception of long, platinum hair.

Seymour-5: AY-YA-YAY-YA-YAI!

Inside of the giant tube is the gigantic superimposed face of the Director of EXODUS Pro, Jimmy Riley. He shakes his head, and speaks, his digitized-sounding voice booming over the speakers.

Rileydon: SEYMOUR! LIFER'S ESCAPED! RECRUIT US A TEAM OF SALARYMEN WITH GLORIOUS NIPPONESE VALUES(TM)!

With that pronouncement, the EXOScreen fades out, and the full version of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers song hits the Staples Center speakers, sending children of the 90s into flashbacks about Dragon Daggers and the aid of a certain Pink Ranger in helping them through puberty.

They've got a power and a force
that you've never seen before!
They've got the ability to morph
and to even up the score!

From behind the curtain burst out four, for lack of a better term, Salarymen Rangers. Representing the colors Yellow, Pink, Black, and Blue, they may or may not be members of the (R)evolution Dojo, and if they are, I'm certainly not telling you who's who. That's for the dirt sheets to figure out later, after all!

No one can ever take them down!
The power lies on their siiiiiiiiiiiii-eeee-iiiii-eeee-iii-eee-iii-eee-iii-ee-iiiiiiiide!

Just as the chorus hits, the final, and most portly ranger comes sprinting out from the back! Dressed in all red, and clutching the Call Your Shot attache case, there's only one man it can be, and he makes it official as he takes off his helmet to reveal the mask of THE MASKED SALARYMAN!

Go Go Power Rangers!
Go Go Power Rangers!
Go Go Power Rangers!
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers!

The Salaryman leads his Rangers to the ring, and as one, they slide into the squared circle. Posing heroically for the crowd, they break into a display of martial arts. Some of them are better than the others - though the Salaryman is notably worse than all of the rest.

As the music fades away, the Salaryman thanks and bows to all of his other Rangers, who take their leave and head back up the ramp, high-fiving fans along the aisle as they go. With the pomp and circumstance done, the Salaryman is ready to get down to the business of the evening.

The feed suddenly cuts backstage, where we see Black Jones marching through the hallways of the Staples Center, wearing a long white boxing rope with “Half Man - Half Amazing” plastered in black on the back. Hanging from around the Philadelphian’s neck is a small drum, which he plays as he navigates the backstage area.

Black Jones: THE CHAMP IS HERE!

Shouts the exuberant kid from West Philly as he bangs the drum five times, his antics garnering attention from the onlookers.

Black Jones: Ladies and gentleman the heavyweight champion of being cooler than a fan, flyer than a parakeet, and too dope for these civilians is HERE!

The former (R)evolution star bangs the drum once again, continuing to play the tune Muhammad Ali made famous, as he’s clearly playing homage to the great boxer whose life was brought to life by none other than the Fresh Prince - another West Philly native, although not as great as the one currently on the screen.

Black Jones: The champion of being faster than Christian Kane running to a mountain of cocaine, the champion of being faster than old man Jimmy Riley running to the medicine cabinet for some painkillers after he read 50 Shades of Grey and tried to get 50 shades of nasty with his wife but blew his back out and had to retire, and the champion of being faster than a somebody driving in my hood in a fancy car is HERE!

Jones laughs at his own obnoxiousness as presses forward through Staples Center, while staff, fans, and anyone lucky enough to be backstage during his spectacle nod and vibe to the music instrumentation overshadowing by his ridiculousness.

Black Jones: The champion of being uncrowned (R)evolution Wrestling Champions who were graduated to the EXODUS Roster and made Shozo Arino catch the fade two weeks ago in the Main Event, and is going to watch him catch an even worse from Chandler Scott later on tonight is HERE.

Finally, Jones reaches the curtains, and bangs the drum one final time as a small group of supporters has formed behind him.

Black Jones: Ladies and gentleman, the champion is HERE… and the future has ARRIVED!

The feed cuts back to ringside, as the tron suddenly flickers to life, showing highlights of Black Jones’ young career as “The Champ is Here” by Jadakiss hits the PA system. The lights somewhat dim whilst smoke begins to rise via the ventilators.

David Zinkus: And his opponent, from West Philadelphia, PA, weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds... BLACK! JONESSSSSS!

Niggas know the champ is in here
He took it from crack to rap, now he put out two anthems a year
And I just wanna rock for a century
And then chase the book wit the documentary
If you can't do nothing other than flow
Life's a bitch like the mother from blow, lets go
Don't make me put your heart on your lap
Fuck ridin a beat nigga, I parallel park on a track
Hop out looking crispy, fresh and new
In a six but it's a BM and its Pepsi blue
And I don't know you
But I know a man becomes a man from all the shit that he go through
Y'all ain't fuckin wit Jason
After I cash in there's really no justification
Of how I'm gon change tha game
So don't get outta line cause this little nine will change your frame
Motherfucka, aha

Black Jones breaks through the layer of smoke, his long white gown draping the floor, as he stands with folded arms, nodding to the lyrics begin blared through Staples Center. With a large and ecstatic grin on his face the Philadelphian proceeds to Ali Shuffle at the top of the ramp before finally making his way down to the ring, moving through the sides of screaming fans as he advances to ringside making numerous boxing actions and shadow punches as if he warming himself up for a bout.

The champ is here
The champ is here
The champ is here
The champ is here

Jones charges up the stairs with the speed of light, his hooded gown swaying back and forth like a cape in the air behind him as he leaps over the top rope and into the ring. The lights suddenly go back to full strength as Black removes his gown and lets it drop to his feet. His hands are strapped with white tape, while he wears white and black boxing style ring shorts with “OG Black Jones” running along the waistline, with a long pair of black nike boxing shoes. As a ring attendant pulls his gown under the bottom rope, Jones turns to the corner and begins firing a rapid succession of jabs and right crosses, showing his hands as they say in a demonstration of his boxing tutelage as a former participant of the Silver Gloves Tournament. Finally, with a slick smile Jones turns around, focusing his attention on The Masked Salaryman as his theme music dies down.

Seth Ericson: These guys both look as ready as they'll ever be - there's the bell!

Salaryman beckons for his opponent to make the first move, his fists up. Jones approaches slowly, but keeps a small distance. Salaryman steps in, but dips away as Jones grabs for him. He steps in and lands a right hook to the side of his opponent's head. Jones blocks a second punch, but eats a knee strike to the midsection. He bends forward and Salaryman rocks him with a European Uppercut. Jones staggers back into the ropes. The wily ring-veteran, out of the two, follows up quickly, charging in - but his powerful opponent greets him with a thunderous chop to the chest, putting his full weight into it. Salaryman goes down to the mat, stunned.

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman was working smart - but sometimes there's not much to be done about a blow like that!

Seth Ericson: I know The Masked Salaryman hasn’t been wrestling since the Stone Age -but how did he not see that one coming?!

Jones bends forward to retrieve his opponent, but Salaryman rolls him up into a small package! Referee Chris Dawson is caught a bit off-guard at the suddenness of the pin, hesitating for just a split second before diving into position.

ONE!


TWO!


KICKOUT!

Jones kicks out convincingly, but Salaryman immediately locks him into a rear chin-lock to keep him grounded. Salaryman rears back, his knee jammed into his opponent's spine. Jones shouts out in pain as he tries to rock free of the hold. After a few long moments, he reaches up and manages to grab Salaryman around the head. He pulls him over to the mat and applies a chinlock of his own!

Jones nearly pulls his opponent's head off, pushing with his knee for leverage. Salaryman shouts out, his head bent back at a sickening angle. Salaryman reaches blindly with his arms, before using his weight to rock away from his opponent's knee. He is able to get onto his knees, but Jones still has the chinlock applies. Salaryman uses his right arm to sweep out his opponent's leg, and Jones crashes to the mat. Salaryman races to his feet and uses the ropes to springboard onto his fallen opponent with splash - but Jones is nowhere to be found!

Salaryman crashes into the canvas and scrambles back to his feet. Jones comes charging in, catching his dazed opponent with leaping shoulder block! Salaryman’s feet swing out and he goes flying to the mat, landing at a weird angle on his side. Salaryman shows the damage as he slowly rises to his feet. Jones is there to nail him with a headbutt, before scooping Salaryman up across his shoulder. Jones takes two big steps before delivering a Powerslam for the pin!

ONE!


TWO!


KICKOUT!

Salaryman kicks out, but is slow to get back to his feet.

Dick Morosi: I would have to think that Black Jones will be able to use his strength and stamina to combat his opponent’s advantage!

Seth Ericson: Does the Masked Salaryman have the gas left in the tank?

Jones rears back and delivers another big chop to the chest of his rising opponent. Salaryman winces as he absorbs the blow, but he keeps his footing. Jones delivers another huge chop across the chest, and Salaryman staggers a bit. A third big shot has Salaryman leans in the ropes. As Jones approaches, Salaryman strikes out with a nasty chop of his own. His surprised opponent nearly leaves his feet as Salaryman rears back his arm to deliver a second shot. The crowd responds loudly, cheering Salaryman on as he loads back his arm for a third chop. Before he can fire it off, Jones clubs him with an overhead forearm shot between the eyes. Salaryman falls to one knee, but uses the ropes to get to his feet. He turns to meet his charging opponent and dips down - thrusting himself up to send Jones over the top with a back-body drop!

Jones is able to grab the top rope on the way over, landing safely on the apron. Salaryman notices and dives forward with a dropkick to the knee! Jones loses his footing and tumbles to the floor. Salaryman gets to his feet and starts to follow his opponent out. Dawson shouts for him to stop. Salaryman looks around to the crowd, who roar with approval as he steps through the ropes. Jones is getting to his feet on the floor, and Salaryman takes off down the apron - diving down, hooking his opponent, and taking him to the floor with a Diving Hurricanrana! The crowd explodes, applauding loudly as both men stay down at ringside.

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman, certainly showing that he has plenty of tricks up his sleeve!

Seth Ericson: That was a pretty risky trick, Dick!

Both men are on their hands and knees at ringside as Referee Chris Dawson begins his count.

ONE..

TWO..

THREE..

Jones crawls toward the apron and Salaryman crawls toward the guard rail. Jones gets to his feet first, but leans on the apron for a moment to clear the cobwebs.

FOUR..

FIVE..

SIX..

As Jones turns around, he is surprised by another big chop from The Masked Salaryman. He leans back on the apron and Salaryman delivers another.

SEVEN..

EIGHT..

NINE..

Jones clubs Salaryman with a forearm, dazing him momentarily. He grabs Salaryman and throws him into the guard rail. Salaryman takes the blow head-first and crumples down to the floor.

TEN..

ELEVEN…

TWELVE…

Jones rolls himself into the ring and goes to his corner to recharge as Chris Dawson continues his count on the fallen Salaryman.

THIRTEEN..

FOURTEEN..

FIFTEEN..

Dick Morosi: Both men are fighting valiantly, I’m sure this capacity crowd doesn’t want to see it end with a count out!

SEVENTEEN..

EIGHTEEN..

NINETEEN..

Seth Ericson: The Masked Salaryman is on his feet, but he’s definitely looking worse for wear! I wonder if those knees will carry him fast enough to break the count!

Salaryman staggers forward and rolls himself into the ring to beat the count. As soon as he does, Jones catches him with a kick to the head. Jones delivers a hard forearm to the head of his rising opponent, but Salaryman absorbs it and pushes to his feet.

Jones clubs him again and whips him into the ropes. Salaryman bounces back and right into a Military Press! Jones makes a quick cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Salaryman kicks out and rolls onto his side. Jones gives him a boot to the head, and then stalks him as he slowly begins to get to his feet. A weary Salaryman stand upright, and Jones swoops in to lock in a Bearhug!

Salaryman leans over onto his opponent, fighting the hold - but cannot free himself. He leans forward for a moment, before pushing up straight to get more air. Jones pushes himself in closer, increasing the pressure and eating up some leverage. Salaryman struggles to stay in the fight, but refuses to quit as he leans heavily on his opponent.

Dick Morosi: I wonder if The Masked Salaryman can find a way out of this before the lights go out!

Seth Ericson: If it wouldn‘t cost me my job, I’d bet you $100 that it’s over right here!

His right arm draped over his opponent’s head, Salaryman locks his fingers and grips Jones hard. He digs deep and is able to twist himself free, while pulling his opponent’s head up. Salaryman drops down - neckbreaker! Salaryman crawls to the corner and leans against the turnbuckles to catch his breath.

Jones gets to his feet, feeling the effects of a stiff neck. Before he can get himself together, Salaryman nails the recovering Jones with a Spinning Backfist! Jones stumbles sideways into the ropes, falling forward with his chest draped over the middle rope. Salaryman consults the crowd before stomping over to Jones and draping his knee across his opponent’s back - choking him on the ropes. The crowd roars with approval until Salaryman breaks the hold at the count of 4.

He steps back and pumps himself up as Jones gets up to his feet. He steps in, clubbing Jones with a devastating chop to the chest, landing amidst several purple handprints from earlier. Jones stumbles back into the corner and Salaryman follows close behind. He throws all his weight behind another big chop before whipping his opponent into the opposite corner.

Salaryman raises his arm to the crowd before charging in. He jumps up, grabs Jones, and takes him over with a Monkey Flip! Jones gets to his feet and catches a textbook dropkick under the chin via The Masked Salaryman. Jones goes down to the mat and Salaryman leans back into the ropes. He raises his arm to the crowd, who show their encouragement as he ascends the turnbuckles.

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman is climbing to the top rope - I believe he is going for SALARYMAN SUPER SPLASH!

Seth Ericson: Black Jones is on his feet- he’s too late!

Jones charges forward, shoving his opponent’s foot and causing him to slip. The crowd groans as Salaryman crotches himself on the top turnbuckle. Jones takes advantage quickly, climbing up the turnbuckle to hit POETIC JUSTICE to the head of the Salaryman, who crumples and falls from his perch on the turnbuckle as Black turns him over for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Both men stay down on the mat for a moment, but Jones gets to his feet to have his hand raised. He looks around with satisfaction as the official word is given.

David Zinkus: The winner of this match, Black Jones!!

WINNER: Black Jones

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman proved that he still has what it takes to be a fierce competitor in the ring - but Black Jones walks away the winner tonight!

Seth Ericson: I’ll admit it was a hard fought victory…

Black Jones throws his hands in the air in celebration as he climbs the top turnbuckle to the ovation of the crowd. However the Salaryman is slow to his feet as he holds the back of his head in the middle of the ring. Black looks over his shoulder and hops down from the turnbuckle as Salaryman offers out his hand in a mutual respect.

Dick Morosi: And what a classy move here…

Black looks down at the extended gesture with a smirk only for it be replaced by a smile as the two share a hearty handshake in the middle of the ring.

Dick Morosi: Folks, these two seemingly have formed an alliance based on their recent promos, referring to it as the EXODUS Vanguard. The two of them seem prepared to face anyone and everyone who dares threaten EXODUS again. Based on this match, I'd say we're in good hands.

Seth Ericson: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

Dick Morosi: Say what you will, but it's possible, Seth. Now let's head backstage!

Back from the last commercial break of the night, Tom Matheny is standing by in the interview area with a serious looking Jimmy Riley.

Tom Matheny: We're short on time, right here before the main event, but Jimmy- you've asked to have a little bit of time?

Letting out a low sigh, Jimmy nods, the microphone being offered to him.

Jimmy Riley: I'll keep it short, because like you said Tom; we've got a great main event coming up between Black Jones and REVOLUTION's Shozo Arino. But I need to address Zack Lifer. Between his vicious post-match attack on The Masked Salaryman earlier tonight, and his...his attack that I simply can't put into words on Heather Halliwell a few weeks ago, it's clear that Lifer hasn't fully paid penance for his actions. Two weeks from now, at Dead in Hollywood, Zack Lifer's stepping in the ring with Adrien Cochrane...and much like tonight, that match will also be contested under No Disqualification rules.

Tom Matheny: And this...this hasn't changed his status going forward in EXODUS?

Jimmy pauses, looking at Tom; his face is...slightly pained.

Jimmy Riley: As I've said before; Zack Lifer's contract status isn't under my jurisdiction.

Tom Matheny: Very well; thanks for the time, Jimmy.

Jimmy Riley: Thanks for squeezing me in.

An...awkward pause.

Tom Matheny: You know...you're the director. You can just ask for time and get it. No need to thank me.

Jimmy blinks a couple of times, but the camera cuts back to ringside before he can respond.

Dick Morosi: It's time for our main event! Three weeks ago on our last EXPRO On FX, these two met in a time limit draw, and now Black Jones and Shozo Arino meet in a no time limit match!

Seth Ericson: These are two standout stars from the (R)Evolution Dojo, and now they're headlining our first show of 2015! It's a glimpse into the future, and it's our main event...next!

NO TIME LIMIT MATCH
BLACK JONES vs. SHOZO ARINO

The crowd falls into booing as "Anti-Gravity" by Lindsey Sterling hits and the leader of the REVOLUTION steps out onto the stage. He first looks out at the crowd, and their negative reaction to him, shaking his head in disappointment. He then looks up at the ceiling and beyond, looking up for a few moments before nodding and setting off down the ramp.

David Zinkus: From Bunkyo, Tokyo, Japan, weighing in tonight at 205lbs....SHOZOOOOOOOOOOO ARINOOOOOOOOOO!

He steps onto the ring apron and looks up at the sky again for a moment before stepping into the ring, rapidly turning to face the entire crowd before coming to a stop in the corner. He slowly undoes the hoodie he was wearing and ditches it, ready for his match to begin.

Dick Morosi: Shozo Arino looks focused, and after what happened earlier tonight with Shinji Uchikawa, you have to wonder if there's tensions boiling between him and his Gen2 partner.

Seth Ericson: You heard Shinji earlier. It's not about issues between Shozo and Shinji, it's about Shinji's issues with their methods. Those two will get on the same page, I know it.

Dick Morosi: Well here comes another friend of Shinji's!

The arena lights somewhat dim, causing the crowd to get restless in anticipation. Finally, "Braveheart" by Lupe Fiasco hits the speakers, starting as a slow electronic noise until the drums and bass kick in. The audience turns their attention to the entryway where the curtains dividing the ringside and the backstage area are suddenly thrown back as the superstar behind the music emerges.

May the Lord have mercy on my soul
Forgive me for my fetishes, my purchases, my clothes
Allow me to catch my rhythm so the nervousness just goes
That's why I sound so certain in my verses and my flows
The verbiage just gets merciless, the wordsmithness just rolls.

Black Jones scans over the audience while he stands draped in a hoodie vest with "Half Man- Half Amazing" written on the back before taking a deep breath; his eyes continue to survey the crowd until he suddenly begins to bounce around in place, making dodging movements as if he were fighting an imaginary opponent, a smile lining across his face.

David Zinkus: On his way to the ring, from West Philadelphia, PA, weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds... BLACK! JONESSSSSS!

I've tuned into my pertinence, my purposes, my goals
The feeling when you realize you've been working for your foes
And the curtains have just opened and they worthlessness exposed
You remember where you've came from, where the purses was stole
There was nothing in the oven and just work up on the stove
And you blossomed from the bottom, yeah, you worked with it and rose
From nothing to a dozen and a garden now there grows. Tell em!

Jones makes his way down the aisle with a steady march. His eyes remain focused and in front of him as he reaches ringside, "Braveheart" continues to blare through the speakers. BJ knees up onto the apron, quickly pulling on the top ring cable before using the elasticity of the ropes to propell himself off the apron and into the air. He somersaults into the ring, immediately exploiting the momentum into a roll before springing to a stand to excite the crowd with his athleticism and exuberance.

Courage under fire, gave me a brave heart (That's me)
Courage under fire, gave me a brave heart
(Yessir) Brave heart
(Yeah I got that) Brave heart
(You know) Brave heart!

Jones removes his vest, throwing it over the ropes before backing into the nearest corner. With his tune coming to an end, he strokes his fingers on his chin before cracking his knuckles and preparing for war.

Dick Morosi: Black Jones is no stranger to the big stage here in EXODUS or his former home in (R)Evolution Wrestling, and tonight he gets to take his former friend Shozo Arino to the limit!

Seth Ericson: If you haven't been following (R)Evolution at home, these two used to be part of a group known as the Based Empire. Shozo broke from the group to form REVOLUTION with his colleagues and now has left his former friends scratching their heads!

The bell rings and before Shozo can settle in, Black Jones has already sprinted across the ring and attacked Shozo! Shozo and Black continue to brawl, but Black isn't giving his former friend any quarter. Shozo starts to break free and get out of the ring to settle himself, but once he shakes off the cobwebs and looks back toward the ring, he's instantly greeted by a flying Black Jones, who has leaped out of the ring with a no hands tope! Black quickly lifts him up and whips him into the guardrail as he comes charging in with a huge dropkick, and the crowd has erupted for the young star! Black throws Shozo back into the ring before hopping up on the apron and leaping up to springboard in and nail an elbow drop! He quickly hoists Shozo to a seated position before nailing a shoot kick to the chest! He hooks the leg!

ONE!













TWO!









TH-KICKOUT!

Black gets up and quickly bounces off the ropes to nail a rolling thunder senton! Again, Black continues to go after Shozo, looking to go for the Stay Schemin', but Jones climbs to the top turnbuckle, hits the feint moonsault, but when he goes for the standing one, Shozo gets his knees up, leaving Jones reeling before Shozo lifts him and grabs him with a vicious brainbuster! Shozo quickly lifts him up and drops him again with a second brainbuster before sitting him up and charging in with a huge kick to the face before hooking the leg!

ONE!











TWO!



















THRE-KICKOUT! Shozo looks angry as the ref holds up two fingers, leaving Shozo to apply a side headlock to cut off the oxygen flow for Black. He continues to wrench it in as Black tries to slap the mat to get the fans behind him, and as the crowd starts clapping for him, someone starts to make their way from the back.

Dick Morosi: It's Shinji Uchikawa!

Seth Ericson: See? I told you they were on the same page!

Shinji stands in a neutral corner, watching the match as Shozo keeps the headlock on Jones before he starts to slowly stands up, all before he starts to push Shozo off toward the ropes, but Shozo reverses, and as Jones comes back on the rebound, Shozo catches him in a huge spinning spinebuster! Shozo smirks and gets up all before grabbing Black's arms and trapping him, starting to nail The Concussion before keeping his arms hooked and dropping him with a huge belly to belly suplex, getting up once more and looking to prep Black...EVOLVING TIMES! He hooks the leg!

ONE!









TWO!































TH--KICKOUT! THE YOUNG LION HAS HEART! Shinji slams his hand on the mat as he watches, all before Shozo picks up Jones again and whips him to the corner, but Jones slides out of the way of an incoming clothesline, all before Jones turns him around and backs up before he runs in to hit double knees to the corner, hits a rolling snapmare...KICKS TO THE CHEST! IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE! Black is starting to feel it, and as he looks for Poetic Justice...he charges in...BUT SHOZO BURSTS UP AND HITS A QUICK CRASH LOVE! Shinji's eyes widen and the crowd's stunned at that adrenaline fueled move from Arino, who looks like he's going to get up, quickly grabbing him and looking like he's going for the Meteor Crash!

Dick Morosi: I've seen Shozo do this before and it hasn't ended well for anyone involved.

Seth Ericson: Look who's trying to help!

Shinji Uchikawa hops onto the apron, trying to talk Shozo into not doing it, only for Shozo to keep screaming at Shinji that he's got a point to prove tonight. Beating Jones will helhp send a message to Chandler andnn the rest of the roster about evolution, and Shinji is screaming at him in Japanese, imploring him not to hit the move on Black. He slowly starts to hesitate, lowering Black as he sighs...BUT BLACK JONES GRABS HIM FOR THE MOJO SO DOPE AND SHINJI REALIZES WHAT HE'S DONE! The referee counts as Shinji seems ashamed of himself!

ONE!








TWO!
















THREE!

WINNER: BLACK JONES

Dick Morosi: BLACK JONES DID IT! The kid is on a roll, heading toward Dead In Hollywood!

Seth Ericson: Black is sitting pretty, Dick, but what about Shozo? He has to realize Shinji Uchikawa cost him that match.

The two seem to be looking at one another, Shinji crestfallen as Shozo rolls out of the ring and walks to the back without him.

Dick Morosi: Folks, we've got one more commercial break, and we'll be back after this with a moment with Nicholas Gray!

We come back from commercial after the confirmation for Dead In Hollywood...mara to meet Fiona Collins!

Dick Morosi: It's official, guys! The Stardust Seraph herself will meet The Allmother in two weeks!

Seth Ericson: Fiona Collins and mara are ready for a head on collision, and I'm convinced this is not going to end pretty, but that's not what we're talking about now. Dick, what did you have?

Dick Morosi: After the war we saw the Masked Salaryman and Zack Lifer engage in earlier tonight - and the disgusting aftermath - this may seem to be a bit...out of sorts. The following video was recorded over the course of EXODUS’ holiday break.

Seth Ericson: Indeed. After some words back and forth on Twitter, newly promoted EXODUS star Black Jones agreed to experience some Glorious Nipponese Hospitality from the Masked Salaryman. We’re being told that the following footage was recorded at a local karaoke facility in the San Diego area on the 30th of December, so, well...let’s see what happened!

As the super-duper Staples Center EXOScreen whirs to life, the scene opens up on a small private karaoke room. Two old red couches line the walls of the facility, and on a small coffee table sits a veritable feast of Japanese delicacies. A tray of sushi is flanked by all manner of shrimp and vegetables tempura, and several icy cold bottles of Kirin Ichiban join the festive atmosphere.

One of the two figures in the room is happily singing away to his chosen song, a microphone in one hand and a Kirin in the other, without a care in the world.

Masked Salaryman: NEAAAAAAAAR! FAAAAAAAAAR! WHEREEEEEEEEEEEVVER YOU ARE, I BEELIIIIIIIEEEVE THAT THE HEART DOES GO OOONNNNNNNNNN! Come on, Mister Jones, this is the best part!

The camera now focuses on Black Jones spectating and looking rather, unimpressed.

Black Jones: REAL MEN DON’T SING KARAOKEEE! AND WE DO NOT EAT WITH CHOPSTICKS! AND WHY IS MY FISH STILL A FISH?

The Masked Salaryman stops mid “HEAAAAAARRRRRRRRRT,” spinning on a dime (and almost falling down, indicating that he’s had more than one of the beers thus far) to address his companion’s inquiries.

Masked Salaryman: WHERE I COME FROM, REAL MEN SING KARAOKE, DRINK BEER, AND PLAY GOLF! Otherwise you can’t be successful on company outings! And chopsticks are easy! I even had the takeout place make you the cute little springloaded ones the kids use! See?

The camera pans down to the table, where two chopsticks are held together with a rubber band and the chopstick wrapper rolled up between the two sticks.

Masked Salaryman: As for the fish, raw fish is how I developed my heroic physique! It is delicious AND nutritious!

The Salaryman strikes several heroic poses, including a double bicep. Meanwhile, Black Jones’ face can best be described as pleading for a way out that does not involve the room’s fourth floor window.

Black Jones: First off! I like my fish processed and left over from old meat served on two sesame seed buns alongside fries and a McFlurry. Raw fish? RAW FISH? Are you trying to give me SAL-MA-NEL-LAH?

Jones puts a hand over his mouth, looking as if he’s on the verge of vomiting, but finally musters the strength to stave off the embarrassing episode.

Black Jones: Wait… hol’ up… hol’ up. GOLF? GOLF! That’s not even sport. If the ball don’t go in a hoop it ain’t a sport. And I can’t get jiggy to this mess ya’ll playing. Real men don’t go to karaoke bars… they go to the CLUBS with the STRIPPERS and they make it rain and buy bottles of CIROC that cost a BEAN but would normally only be ten dollars at the local wine and spirit shop… and they do the SHMONEY DANCE!

Jones stares at his heroic friend, and notices that he is lost in translation, unaware of what a Shmoney Dance is.

Black Jones: Don’t you know Bobby Shmurda?

The Masked Salaryman’s head is well and truly spinning by now, but he makes his best effort to try and keep up with the conversation.

Masked Salaryman: Why would they want to make it rain? The strippers would get all wet! We can’t have that, now can we?

The potential benefit of such a situation is naturally lost on our intrepid hero, who has moved on to puzzling out why someone would buy bottles of croc with beans.

Masked Salaryman: I’m afraid not, Mister Jones! But fear not! I am aware of many elements of American culture! Why, the next song I put in the karaoke machine is one we should be able to bond over! It is about something that I am pretty sure we both appreciate!

As My Heart Will Go On (mercifully) comes to an end, the next song begins to play. To the Salaryman, Black Jones, and probably 99.99999% of those watching, it is easily identifiable by its opening, spoken line.

Masked Salaryman: Oh my GOD, Becky! Look at her butt! ...You know, before I came to California, I had no idea where people who talked like that came from! Now I, like, TOTALLY get it!

Jones initially facepalms, before nodding to himself, seeing as the Masked vigilante has at least made some progress.

Black Jones: Yo B, your musical taste to keep it one hunnit with you, it ain’t chillin’ whatsoever. You gotta get up on current events man. Young people don’t turn up to Sir Mix-a-Lot mane. You gotta play some Hov or something cause it’s not poppinton in here cuz.

The cold yet cultured Jones folds his arms in disapproval.

Black Jones: I could be at home watching anime right now. You cutting into my Bleach time, cannon. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING TO YOU RIGHT NOW? I COULD BE WATCHING ICHIGO KUROSAKI!!!!

The Salaryman does at least recognize the name “Bleach.” It’s about the only thing he recognizes.

Masked Salaryman: Is this “turning up” you mention like “turning down for what?” I hear that’s all the rage with the kids these days!

As the Salaryman ponders this existential point, he remembers one other thing Black Jones mentioned - and frowns.

Masked Salaryman: And I am NOT Cannon! He’s a British man who talks too much! I am THE MASKED SALARYMAN, A JAPANESE SALARYMAN WHO TALKS TOO MUCH!

As the Salaryman finishes his declaration, Jones chuckles and scoffs to himself, realizing how easily his friend misconstrued his words.

Black Jones: BRUH. A CANNON is not a CANNON as in JOHNNY CANNON… CANNON is a term like BRO… or PLAYBOY… AAIGHT… its like a term of endearment… like Partner In Crime.

The Philadelphia wipes a fake tear from his eye as he approaches his masked friend.

Black Jones: But you at least got something right… turning up is the rage outchea. It means to let loose, to get hype. Just to say IDGAF and to break stuff and go CRAZY!

This, at least, the Masked Salaryman seems to understand. After another moment, he nods his head.

Masked Salaryman: Ah! Now that we are speaking the same language, that gives me an idea! For today, I have realized that the best way for two men to bond is not over song, food, and booze - though I assure you, sushi is delicious and will not harm you!

As if to prove it, the Salaryman reaches out with his chopsticks and grabs a piece of tuna roll, shovelling it down the hatch.

Masked Salaryman: Delicious! But no, the best way for you and I to understand one another is not here, but inside the squared circle! As of now, I regrettably have no contest at the coming Dead in Hollywood event! Nor do you, which seems even stranger, as you are scheduled to main event the next edition of EXODUS television! That seems most odd to me!

The Salaryman draws himself to his full height, and extends a hand to the Revolution Dojo graduate.

Masked Salaryman: So what say you? The Masked Salaryman vs. Black Jones at Dead in Hollywood! I will show you the full force of my GLORIOUS NIPPONESE VALUES(™), and in return, I expect to be hit with the full brunt of...WHATEVER THE CATCHY NAME FOR WHAT YOU DO IS!

The young Jones ponders for a bit, giving the Salaryman’s proposition a great deal of thought.

Black Jones: Let me get this straight. Let me see if I understand this perfectly. You want ME, OG Black Jones, to go one on one with YOU. Hmmmm. Dead in Hollywood. Hmmm… alright alright.

Jones cracks his knuckles, a look of “what the hell, why not” falling over him as he grins at his potential opponent.

Black Jones: Get one thing straight though CELERY MAN. I don’t have a catchy phrase for what I do, son. I just do it, boi. Every damn day I do it. So I suggest you bulk up on all the sushi you can cause come Dead in Hollywood, you gone be catching the fade.

Masked Salaryman: I don’t know what most of that means, but it sounds impressive! So let’s do this thing! Whatever this thing happens to be!

As the EXOScreen fades away, we are left with our intrepid commentary team, who are both, uncharacteristically, somewhat speechless.

Dick Morosi: Well...that certainly was a thing that happened.

Seth Ericson: It was, but hey! We’ve got a new match for Dead in Hollywood, between two of the hottest young stars in the company! Everything works out in the end!

Dick Morosi: Just like what's coming up next! It's tag team action when Christian Kane and Fiona Collins team up to meet The Daughters of Janus...next!

TAG TEAM MATCH
FIONA COLLINS & CHRISTIAN KANE (EXODUS Pro International Champion) vs. THE DAUGHTERS OF JANUS

“Battle In Me” by Garbage starts playing as Athena and Minerva Janus appear on the ramp.

David Zinkus: Following contest is a tag team match-up, introducing first from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at a combined weight of 274 pounds! Athena and Minerva…THE DAUGHTERS OF JANNNNNUS!!!

Seth Ericson: I love me some twins.

Dick Morosi: I don’t think these fans and one of their opponents love them. They made their big debut attacking Fiona Collins. Not a good way to start things off with a high approval rating.

Seth Ericson: Approval rating? What do you think this is, the US government? This is wrestling!

It didn’t take long for their music to cut off after getting in the ring before the most popular entrance in all of EXODUS begins to blare.



The guitars and drums of the timeless Bon Jovi classic kick in throughout the arena as Christian Kane makes his way through the curtain and onto the stage. Red, white and pink lights focus on the Canadian Sensation and flash rapidly, drawing attention to him whilst smoke pours across the entranceway. Holding his arms out in a ‘T’, the lights begin to illuminate his silhouette as David Zinkus speaks.

David Zinkus: And their opponents, introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 215 pounds, he is the Handsome Drifter…CHRISTIAN KAAAAAAANNNNEEEE!!!

With a smirk Christian Kane pats the International Championship which is strapped across his chest akin to a seat belt before making his way down to the ring. As he struts he acknowledges certain fans with his merch, a few who wield signs, even going as far as to slap some of their hands before slowly coming to a stop at ringside.

From the apron The Handsome Drifter climbs the turnbuckle, his left foot standing on the second rope while his right is on the top rope. He then lowers his jacket, allowing it to slide off of his body and to the floor before unstrapping his title belt, holding it down to his side. Kane takes a moment to looks across the arena, even taking time to shout ‘#STUDLIFE’ into the camera just by ringside. Christian then takes the belt in both hands and raises it high into the air, inciting an overwhelming response of cheers from the fans in attendance.

After hopping down into the ring Kane runs across to the diagonally opposite turnbuckle, blowing a kiss to the crowd whilst raising his belt into the air again as high pitched cheers rain out from the female contingent of the die-hard EXODUS Pro faithful (mostly). As the music slowly fades, Kane jumps down backwards into the ring, handing his belt to David Zinkus before walking to his corner and preparing for the match ahead.

Suddenly, the lights in the arena dim, and a hum and light orchestral music begins as "The Howling" by Within Temptation starts. The music continues to drift on as the lights blacken, all before the heavy portion of the intro kicks in, lights going to full blast as the crowd sees Fiona Collins standing at the center of the entrance stage, finger pointed to the air as the music continues!



Fiona starts to pump her fist, making her way down to the ring quickly, nodding as she looks out toward the ring, slapping hands with a few hands on her way down, touching foreheads with a young female fan by the rail, whispering a small promise before taking off a glow necklace from her neck to pass off to the fan!

David Zinkus: And his partner, from Portlandia, Oregon, weighing in at 135 pounds, the Strong Style Seraph…FIONA COOOOOLLLLINS!!!!



Quickly, Fiona makes her way onto the apron by leaping up onto it, all before flipping over the top rope and landing on one knee, her hand touching the ground as if she just landed like some sort of superhero, all before she climbs one turnbuckle, quickly raising her hand and pointing a finger to the sky again as the crowd cheers again.



She looks out at the crowd and instantly flips back, landing on her feet before turning around and looking toward the center of the ring, steel eyed focus on what's in front of her, which in this particular moment is two identical twins. Christian Kane decides to let the very determined-looking Collins start things off as her eyes lock with Athena Janus as they step towards each other in the center of the ring.

DING DING DING!!

They grapple in the center and Fiona quickly changes it to an armbar. Athena rolls on the mat a bit eventually wiggling free, but she is met by a dropkick straight to the jaw. With Athena on the ground, Fiona doesn’t even need extra elevation to land a great moonsault on the Daughter of Janus in the ring.

Seth Ericson: Fiona Collins is not wasting a second!

Dick Morosi: She lands that moonsault on Athena Janus and is ready to drop another move on her. Here comes the elbow!

As Dick called it, Fiona slams her elbow into the skull of Athena Janus. Athena rolls into her corner where Minerva is able to reach her and tag herself in. She is able to hit a quick hurricanrana on the former World Champ and begins to stomp on the midsection of the Strong Style Seraph.

Seth Ericson: Vicious.

Dick Morosi: Agreed.

Fiona is able to eventually sweep Minerva’s legs and get to her feet to tag in Christian Kane, who flies into the ring like he was shot out of a cannon, taking down Minerva with a clothesline. He bounces off the ropes, knocking off Athena, and lands a splash on the downed Minerva. Keeps his balance for a legal pin.

ONE!!



TWO!!


TH…NO!

Janus is able to get her shoulder up. Kane is quickly back to his feet and awaits Minerva to get to her feet as well. Once she does, he grabs her and snapmares her. As he jumps to nail a dropkick to the back of her head to complete the combo, Athena grabs his ankle, tripping him up.

Seth Ericson: Smart technique there by…which one is that one?

Dick Morosi: That one is Athena, and it’s more like a cheap technique.

Seth Ericson: There’s no DQ from doing that!

Kane gets back up and baseball slides into Athena, but Minerva is back up to her feet. Hurricanrana onto Kane and she latches on to his legs to try to seal a quick victory.

ONE!!


TWO!!


THR…NO!!

Kane fights his way out to save the match. Tag to Athena. Athena gets on the top and leaps for a moonsault, but Kane moves out of the way. He looks at Fiona then at the downed Janus Daughter and decides to go for the pin instead of the tag.

Seth Ericson: He could tag in Fiona or go for the pin. Looks like he’s gonna try to win this.

Dick Morosi: Hope he doesn’t regret this decision.

ONE!!!


TWO!!!


TH…NO!!

Making the previous call by Kane moot, he is still able to tag in Fiona.

Dick Morosi: Welp, that makes our previous comment invalid.

Fiona starts stalking Athena, waiting for her to get up to her feet.

Seth Ericson: Fiona looks like she’s going for the kill.

Dick Morosi: SHINIGAMI!! Athena is down and out!

Fiona springs to her feet, bumping into Chris Dawson, who was standing at the wrong place at the wrong time. As that happens, Minerva rolls Athena out of the ring and lays down in her exact position.

Dick Morosi: Oh don’t tell me she just did that.

Seth Ericson: Sneaky sneaky. The Daughters of Janus just pulled a switch.

Fiona approaches the possum playing Minerva, still thinking it’s Athena, and gets caught in her trap.

Seth Ericson: Small package!! Fiona did NOT see that coming!

ONE!!!

TWO!!





THREE!!

Dick Morosi: Oh give me a break!!

DING DING DING!!

Dick Morosi: The Daughters of Janus steal it!

WINNER: The Daughters of Janus

The match is over, but the two teams continue to brawl, when suddenly the lights in the arena blackout...



When the lights come back on, Kane is on the outside, being attacked brutally by the enigmatic NoVak, meanwhile the Daughters of Janus are holding Fiona Collins by the arms as a woman in a kabuki mask sits indian style in the center of the ring. Slowly, the crowd jeers as the mask comes off and people realize it is once again the Allmother herself, mara. She crawls over toward Fiona, having produced a microphone that was ressting in her lap, all as she turns her head to see that Brianna Singer and Audrey Lloris are watching from the entrance.

mara: Do I have your attention now? See, it's funny how people puff out their chest and scream for a war when they don't have to be face to face with the person they want to go to war with.

Mara lays on the canvas, her back to it as she then looks up at Fiona, raising her hand to wave at her as she brings the microphone to her lips to sing.

mara: I was born without this fear, now only this seems clear. I need to move, I need to fight, I need to lose myself tonight...

She rolls to her stomach before she slowly gets to her knees, reaching one hand out to forcefully cup Fiona's cheeks together to squeeze them.

mara: I need to lose myself, Fiona. I need to lose this black cloud over me, and I need to hurt you, Fiona! I NEED MY LIFE BACK! I NEED WHAT YOU STOLE FROM ME, BECAUSE I WANT MY INNOCENCE BACK! I WANT MY MONSTER BACK, YOU MISERABLE TROLLOP! I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT THE FACE OF THE LIFE YOU DESTROYED! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!

Mara drops the microphone and starts yanking Fiona by the hair, practically shrieking at The Stardust Seraph.

mara: YOU DON'T GET MY FAMILY! YOU DON'T GET MY ENDING! I WRITE THE STORY, AND THIS IS YOUR TRAGEDY! YOU. WILL. BURN!

The Daughters throw Fiona towards Mara, who quickly spins her and hooks her in a full nelson before dropping her with a Danse Macabre! Kane, having seen enough of the triple team, again tries to crawl back into the ring to save his partner, only to be pulled out again by NoVak, who continues to hammer Kane as Mara once again drops Fiona with a second Danse Macabre. Upon completing that, The Allmother grabs Collins and wraps her arms around her, cradling her as she whips her head back, an emotionless look on her face as she cradles Fiona and we go to commercial.

We come back from commercial to what seems to be a familiar sight.

Tom Matheny: Aries?

Looking up at Tom Matheny, Aries mouth is covered with a large piece of silver duct tape as he shrugs his shoulders.

Tom Matheny: Okay, I'll bite what is with the duct tape?

Reaching behind him, Aries pulls out a magic marker and a handful of index cards as he begins to write. He hands the index to Tom who arches a brow. Aries points to the card signalling him to read it.

Tom Matheny: Alright...how can this go wrong?

Tom clears his throat slightly.

Tom Matheny: Due to circumstances outside of my control, it's come to my attention that my words have caused quite the stir within the administration of Exodus Pro. And while Mr. Collins and Mr. Almasy have yet to return my calls about my actions on the last edition of Exodus, I find this way beneficial to those with sensitive ears at home that I have my answers written and spoken by the likes of you..

Tom smile and looks up at Aries.

Tom Matheny: D'awwww...

Aries rolls his eyes as scribbles on another index card, handing it over to Tom to read.

Tom Matheny: Easy, white boy. Your feminine-type voice is pleasing to those pasty-ass white people who sign my checks, so just read what's written and we'll all get along fine.

Tom's smile fades from his lips as Aries hands him another index card.

Tom Matheny: Furthermore it seems that my verbal exchanges between myself and Ginny Jameson have been teetering on assault and for that I wish to apologize.

Tom arches a brow and looks over towards Aries who hands him another index card, a smile already peeking from behind the tape.

Tom Matheny: ...I'm sorry for the fact that your virgin ears can't take a simple joke and your thin skin allows everything that I say to bother you. Understand that I'm not sorry for a damn thing and if you don't like me, well you can just simply suck a...

Tom abruptly stops as he shakes his head.

Tom Matheny: I'm not reading this, Aries. I'll lose my job.

With a muffled groan, Aries scribbles on another index card handing it to Tom, who sighs.

Tom Matheny: Fine...you can simply suck an egg. Put me on a three-second delay, censor my all together, pretty soon you'll be saying the name of Aries Reed to be synonymous with the word Champion. At Dead in Hollywood Aries Reed and GRENDEL will eliminate those dinosaurs known as TROUBLE and will ascend into Tag Team Greatness. It's change you can believe in...it's Evolution, it will happen because it has to happen.

Another index card.

Tom Matheny: No worries though, you can't silence the Blackest Sun of Exodus forever. But thank you Tom for being a trooper and reading my lines for me. Even though you are a pigmentary-challenge little F-Boy...you're still aces in my book. You're still more than welcome to come visit my farm, just make sure you bring a fine white bitch with you...

Aries pats Tom on the back as he walks off leaving a confused Tom Matheny in his dust.

Tom Matheny: What's a F-Boy?

A production assistant appears from the left and whispers in Tom's ear as his face forms an expression of shock and disgust as he shakes his head slowly.

Tom Matheny: ...goddamnit, Aries.

And with that, we're back to Dick and Seth.

Dick Morosi: Up next, folks, is a contest that’s taken on new meaning over our three week break. I don’t know how many of us truly understand GLORIOUS NIPPONESE VALUES(™), but there is a locker room full of people and an arena full of fans here in the Staples Center who are going to be 100% percent behind the Masked Salaryman tonight.

Seth Ericson: Three weeks ago, Zack Lifer crossed a line, even by this company’s standards. Heather Halliwell is a retired competitor, suffering from the effects of Huntington’s disease. This company lets a lot slide, folks, but what Zack Lifer did to Heather has him #1 on the hitlists of a great many people, and a great diversity of EXODUS talent as well.

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman asked for this to be No Disqualification on Twitter - and gave Lifer the benefit of the doubt. He would not, the Salaryman promised, use weapons or otherwise illegal tactics unless Lifer did first.

Seth Ericson: You heard the Salaryman earlier, folks. I...don’t think I’ve ever seen him this focused or serious. He’s ready for a war.

Dick Morosi: And he had better be. Regardless of what one thinks about Zack Lifer and the cancer to this company that he has become, he is an extraordinarily talented competitor. And in a no disqualification environment, he may be the most dangerous wrestler in EXODUS history.

With that solemn proclamation, the scene shifts to one David Zinkus, standing center ring in one of the most famous arenas on the planet.

NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
ZACK LIFER vs. THE MASKED SALARYMAN

David Zinkus: This contest is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit! Per the edict of EXODUS Director Jimmy Riley, it will be contested with NO DISQUALIFICATIONS! Introducing first!

A brief flash of silence passes through the arena as the stage is beamed on by gold and white lights, the bulbs dimming slightly. Heroic hues floated over the entryway, the ramp and of course the audience, boos cascading from almost every single corner of the Staples Center as they hear the words of "Alive in the Lights" by Memphis May Fire boom through the speakers signifying one man and one man only.

From the beginning, I knew I was different.
I embraced it, but you didn't.
Your normal life, 9-5, it's just not for me.
I need to feel alive!

As the lights of gold and white beam down against the crowd, searching up the stairs and to the cheap seats, they notice a familiar silhouette, and the booing only intensifies.

Seth Ericson: I….Jesus Christ. Daisuke Iwakuma never got this reception.

Dick Morosi: CHRISTUM FUROR never got this reception. Zack Lifer is on his way to the ring, being serenaded with all the hatred this MASSIVE EXODUS crowd can muster.

The camera can’t even find the usual array of Lifer fans - other EXODUS fans jump in front as the few and proud try to make themselves known. Adorned in a white sweatshirt with his signature demented smiley face logo on the back, he makes his way down the stairs, finding no takers for his usual high-fives.

Seth Ericson: This is as visceral as I’ve ever seen an EXODUS reaction.

Don't you see the minds that have changed?
Do you see the lives that have been saved?
Don't you care to see the difference I've made?
Listen closely, the highways call my name.
Don't you see this is my everything?

David Zinkus: Introducing first, he comes to us from Newark, New Jersey!

The crowd? Not Very Happy.

“F*** YOU LIFER!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
“F*** YOU LIFER!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
“F*** YOU LIFER!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*

Dick Morosi: Can we PLEASE not antagonize the mentally unstable guy?

David Zinkus: He stands 5’11”, and weighs in at 201 lbs! Ladies and gentlemen...ZACK LIIIIIIIIFER!

Lifer's slow, methodical walking gives way to sprinting, his legs moving him towards the ring down the nearly endless row of stairs before Lifer hops the leather barricade, a running jump that could only be considered impressive, a hint of confidence in the way he moved at a slowed down pace once more towards the steel steps. His eyes dart to the entrance way as he trudges up the few stairs, not looking away as he watches the curtain for just a couple seconds. As he gets to the top of the steps, his eyes dart across the arena, stunned by the sheer...vitrol of the crowd reaction. The audience gets louder and more hateful as he climbs the turnbuckle, a triumphant fist rising as high as he could, a laugh exiting his lips as a single golden colored firework shot diagonally on the stage, almost in mockery of the crowd’s reaction to him.

Don't you care to see the difference I've made?

The camera zoomed out from the scene of Zack's arm raised with the firework shooting by swiftly in the background and watches as he gets on the outside apron again. He quickly hops the top rope effortlessly in one movement, his eyes searching the enraged crowd as a smirk crosses his face. The sounds fade mid-lyric as he rests in his corner, looking anxiously at the referee and back at the entrance ramp for the match to finally make some progress.

Seth Ericson: This contest has been building for over a month, folks. Now, in mere moments, we’re going to have it.

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman is a newcomer by most standards, but tonight...he’s fighting for all of us.

Seth Ericson: What you said, Dick. What you said.

David Zinkus: AND, HIS OPPONENT!

On that proclamation, the lights in the Staples Center go out. For several moments all is quiet, with cell phones illuminating the huge stadium. The EXOScreen lights up, all white, with four Japanese katakana in red taking up the middle of the screen. After a heartbeat, the kana change into romanji, producing something more familiar to the audience.



And with THAT, the beginning notes of a timeless classic by Bonnie Tyler begin to play throughout the Staples Center as a white spotlight illuminates a man standing at the top of the lower deck, surrounded by the EXODUS faithful. Clad in a nice suit, and carrying an attache case with the Call Your Shot Contract tucked safely inside, there’s only one man it can be. The Masked Salaryman basks in perhaps the biggest ovation of his career to date, and then points to the EXOScreen.

Dick Morosi: ...this is about to happen, isn’t it?

Given the hatred of Zack Lifer flowing throughout the home of the LA Clippers and LA Lakers, it doesn’t take much more than the opening lyrics of “Holding Out For a Hero” to scroll across the bottom of the EXOScreen to get sixteen thousand fans to partake of some Glorious Nipponese Values(™)

Seth Ericson: Let’s do it, Dick. The Hell with it!



David Zinkus: From San Diego, JAPAN---

Poor Zinkus doesn’t have a chance, because here comes the chorus.



The Masked Salaryman makes his way down from the top of the bottom deck, slapping hands with the fans as best he can as he wades his way through the capacity crowd, most of whom are singing at the top of their lungs as he walks down the aisle towards the barricade at ringside.



David Zinkus: He stands six feet, four inches tall, and weighs in at two-hundred eighty-nine pounds! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MASKED SALARYMAN!

The instrumental of the song continues as the Salaryman hops the barricade and climbs the ring steps. Stepping into the squared circle, he raises his attache case high, before quickly moving to remove his heroic cape and place the case on the apron to be taken safely to the timekeeper’s table.

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman is here, with tens of thousands in his corner!

Ready for battle, the Salaryman nods to the official, who looks back at Zack Lifer. When Lifer also nods, she shrugs, and calls for the bell.

*DING DING DING!*

Dick Morosi:The emotion in this building is off the page! Can the biggest crowd in EXODUS history will the Masked Salaryman on to the biggest victory of his career?

Lifer and the Salaryman go face to face at the bell. After a long moment, Salaryman steps back, and offers a hand to his opponent for the evening.

Seth Ericson: This is not one of the better ideas I’ve ever seen play out in an EXODUS ring.

Zack takes another moment to ponder the offer, and shrugs his shoulders. He extends his hand to take the Salaryman’s, and the two men shake.

Dick Morosi: That is...not quite what I expected to happen.

What Morosi likely DID expect to happen follows, though, as Lifer lashes out with his right leg, kicking the Salaryman square in the groin while still shaking the man’s hand. An audible gasp of pain escapes the Salaryman as he falls to his knees, and Lifer lets go of the hand, beginning to fire hard right hands to the head as boos cascade down from the stands.

”BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Seth Ericson: This is no disqualification - and furthermore, Lifer didn’t actually violate the letter of his agreement with the Salaryman!

Dick Morosi: Maybe not, but the spirit of it has been well and truly destroyed not twenty seconds into the bout!

Lifer continues to slug away, alternating closed fists with big forearms to the face that drive the Salaryman down to the mat. Zack assumes the mount, pummeling with more rapid fire shots, until the Salaryman is flat on the canvas. Lifer rises, driving a pinpoint boot into the chest of the masked man, nodding his head in the process.

The words “I get it now” escape his lips, as two more stomps rain down on the suited Salaryman.

Seth Ericson: The Masked Salaryman can’t honestly expect Zack Lifer to play fair - if he does, he’s going to get annihilated. Lifer’s a former International Champion and one of the most dangerous men this roster can boast - or be ashamed of, as the case currently is.

Another big stomp follows, but the Masked Salaryman reaches up, grabbing the boot with both hands! The crowd roars in approval as Salaryman sits up, then slowly stands, leaving Zack Lifer hopping around on one foot off balance. To the surprise of everyone, though, especially Zack, the Salaryman puts Lifer’s foot down.

Moments later, the masked man lunges forward, promptly DRILLING Lifer with a huge headbutt!

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman doesn’t have a fancy moveset. He doesn’t even really have that many moves, but what he DOES do hurts, and he’s fighting angry tonight, handshake at the start of the match or no handshake.

Seth Ericson: Furthermore, Salaryman’s a big dude. There aren’t a lot of big competitors on the EXODUS roster. The only man bigger than Salaryman is GRENDEL. Justin Brooks, one of our other bigger athletes, gave Zack Lifer trouble. Same goes for Steve Lenton. For all of his seeming inexperience in wrestling, the big guy DOES know how to move that near 290 pounds around the ring.

”LET’S GO SALARYMAN!”
“F*** YOU LIFER!

”LET’S GO SALARYMAN!”
“F*** YOU LIFER!”

”LET’S GO SALARYMAN!”
“F*** YOU LIFER!”

Lifer gets up from the headbutt, only to walk right back into the Salaryman, who grabs him under the arm and promptly beales him halfway across the ring! The crowd roars its approval as Zack gets back up and charges. The Salaryman holds his ground, though, ducking underneath a big clothesline attempt, and scooping Lifer up on his shoulders. The big man spins around, before falling backwards, crushing Lifer under him with a huge Samoan drop!

Salaryman reaches back and hooks a leg, as Katie Hannemann drops down for the first count of the contest.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Zack manages to push the Salaryman off of him at the count of two. The Salaryman reaches after Lifer, but Zack opts to roll out to the floor instead. He shakes out the cobwebs as Katie begins her count, Lifer looking up warily at the Salaryman.

Dick Morosi: Let’s not forget that Zack Lifer’s...I don’t know if we can say smart, but he certainly is a thinking man inside the squared circle.

Lifer takes a five count on the floor before sliding back into the ring. As he gets back up, Zack ponders the problem of the superhero before him. Salaryman moves in, but Lifer quickly drives his head to Salaryman’s jaw, reaching up to score with a quick jawbreaker that rocks the Salaryman - and more anger from the Staples Center.

Seth Ericson: This crowd is staying on Zack Lifer from the opening bell! It’s like the Celtics are in town!

Dick Morosi: The RIMAC gets raucous, folks, you all know that, but right now, it’s like the Staples Center has turned into RIMAC Los Angeles, multiplied several times - and ALL of that pro-EXODUS emotion is being thrown at Zack Lifer.

“You opened my eyes,” Lifer tells the masked man, reaching in to promptly poke Salaryman in the eye. With Salaryman’s hands going up to his face, the midsection is open, and Lifer drives a vicious boot right into the big man’s ample midsection. As the masked man doubles over, Lifer butterflies the arms, driving down with a double-arm DDT.

Seth Ericson: Lifer proving more than willing to take advantage of the no disqualification rules of this contest, and that’s giving him a decided edge thus far.

Dick Morosi: It may be an advantage he needs - Salaryman’s size negates a lot of what Lifer can do. That said, he still has the Forced Suicide. He still has the Dead Air. Both of those don’t care HOW big you are, because if he hits you on the button, you’re going night-night.

The New Jersey native rolls Salaryman to his back, and then quickly steps out to the ring apron. He measures the masked man carefully, then springs to the top rope, leaping off to drive a big knee into the hero’s chest! Zack throws himself on the Salaryman, hooking the leg for his own first cover of the contest.

”BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Seth Ericson: Lifer back in control - and I will say this, outside of the groin kick and the eye poke --

Dick Morosi: Both of which were big turning points in the bout, by the way…

Seth Ericson: Lifer’s actually adhered to the agreement he made with the Salaryman on Twitter.

Dick Morosi: I’ll admit that. I didn’t expect that to last a minute.

The Salaryman slowly makes his way up to his feet. Sensing weakness, Lifer buries a big knee in the stomach of the masked man, then leaps up and over, trying to execute a sunset flip. Salaryman wastes no time countering, simply immediately dropping down to butt splash Lifer, driving the air from his lungs as Katie drops to count.

ONE!

TWO!

SHOULDER UP!

A gasping Lifer manages to get his shoulder off the canvas. The Salaryman gets up off the prone Lifer, and picks the hated man up, slinging him back into the nearest corner. The masked hero follows up with a series of shoulders to the gut in the corner, driving them in again and again.

“F*** ‘EM UP, SALARYMAN, F*** ‘EM UP!” *CLAP CLAP*
“F*** ‘EM UP, SALARYMAN, F*** ‘EM UP!” *CLAP CLAP*
“F*** ‘EM UP, SALARYMAN, F*** ‘EM UP!” *CLAP CLAP*

With Lifer dazed, the Masked Salaryman fires him into the opposite corner. Hot on his heels, the Salaryman leaps to CRUSH Zack in the corner with a huge avalanche! The masked man pumps both of his fists to the capacity crowd, which respond with a HUGE roar.

Seth Ericson: The Salaryman’s Sandwich! EXODUS’ self-appointed hero’s moving that weight around expertly right now!

As Lifer totters back out of the corner, the masked hero doubles Lifer over, then hoists him up across his shoulders, in crucifix powerbomb position.

Dick Morosi: Salaryman just manhandling Lifer, but what’s he going to do?

Seth Ericson: He looks like he’s heading for the other corner! He’s going to powerbomb Lifer into the buckles!

The resourceful Lifer, though, slips out the back door at the last moment, leaving a confused Salaryman wondering just what happened. Zack sneaks up on the Salaryman, fingers weaving their way into the laces of the Salaryman’s mask!

“Let’s see who you are,” Zack murmurs, as Katie moves into position to warn Lifer. Before she can get too far into a count, though, the Salaryman manages to pull himself away, and firmly secures the mask back on his face, tightening the laces.

Of course, this means Lifer’s right there to roll him up, schoolboying the Salaryman as a somewhat disgusted official drops down to do her job.

ONE!


TWO!


THR--KICKOUT!

Dick Morosi: The Salaryman was just almost unmasked!

Seth Ericson: And the distraction almost cost him the match! I’m telling you - Lifer may not be all there, but in the ring, the dude knows his strategy!

The Salaryman comes up hot, but Zack cools him off with a big forearm to the face. Lifer changes levels, slamming a one-two combination into the gut of the hero. As Salaryman doubles over, Lifer drops to his knees and fires off a vicious uppercut that sends Salaryman staggering back into the corner.

Lifer follows him in, running to bury a knee in the midsection, and begins to stomp away, grabbing the ropes for leverage. The masked man falls to his backside, and Zack begins to scrape away at the Salaryman’s face with his boot, before hitting the far ropes and charging to DRILL the masked man with the facewash in the corner!

Dick Morosi: Lifer is basically going toe to toe with the Masked Salaryman - and doing a good job of it!

Seth Ericson: Zack comes at you at angles that you least expect - and in this case, I don’t know if the Salaryman expected a frontal attack without the weapons Lifer’s become known for.

Lifer struggles a bit, dragging the masked man free of the corner, before dropping down to hook the leg.

ONE!


TWO!


TH-KICKOUT!

Dick Morosi: Only two, but Lifer’s getting closer and closer.

Zack backs up to the ropes, measuring the Salaryman carefully as the big man struggles his way back up, clutching at his face. As he’s up to a knee, Lifer charges, aiming carefully to throw a big knee towards the Salaryman’s skull.

Seth Ericson: Forced Suicide!

”BOOOO---YAAAAAAY!”

The Salaryman, though, has it well scouted. He drops down lower, letting the knee pass harmlessly overhead, then grabs a high-crotch to scoop Lifer up over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. Lifer throws elbows to the head, but the Salaryman fights his way through, rising to his feet.

Dick Morosi: Salaryman countered! He’s got Lifer up! This is it! The Super Sensational Sake Shooter Special! Better known as…

Salaryman sends Lifer flying, spinning him off of his shoulders. Zack lands awkwardly, face-down in a heap from the move, as the hero wastes no time crawling over to Zack, rolling him over, and hooking a leg.

Seth Ericson: THE S5! THIS IS IT! SALARYMAN’S GOT THE UPSET!

ONE!


TWO!



THR--NO!

Dick Morosi: NO! Two count only! Lifer got the shoulder up!

The Masked Salaryman turns to the official, holding up a quizzical three fingers, but Katie shakes her head and holds up two in return. The superhero’s hands go to his head briefly, and he looks down at Lifer as if trying to figure out what’s next.

The crowd, on the other hand, seems to know exactly what’s next.

”ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!”
Seth Ericson: I don’t think the Salaryman believes that! No one’s kicked out of the S5 to date.

Dick Morosi: It all comes back to what we keep saying - Zack Lifer, as hideous of a human being as he is, is a damned tough competitor. But the crowd has the right idea, I think! If Salaryman can hit a SECOND S5, victory might just be his!

Even with the kickout, though, Lifer is still mostly motionless on the canvas. The Salaryman picks him up quickly, scoop-slamming him several paces nearer to the corner. With Lifer down once again, the Salaryman makes his way out to the apron, beginning to climb the ropes.

Seth Ericson: If the S5 doesn’t work, the S3 might! Salaryman looking for that big, near three hundred pound splash off the top rope!

Dick Morosi: This bit him against Chandler Scott, but if he hits it, we’ll be scraping Zack Lifer off the canvas!

As soon as the Salaryman reaches the top turnbuckle he leaps off, spreading his arms majestically as he flies towards Lifer with the Salaryman’s Super Splash. Unfortunately for the masked man and EXODUS fans everywhere, Lifer rolls out of the way, turning the move into Salaryman’s Super Splat, instead. From his prone position on the mat, Lifer raises both arms in the air triumphantly - and promptly nearly has his hand hit by a flying half-full container of popcorn.

Seth Ericson: Lifer got out of the way! Zack avoids the end of the contest! Salaryman’s body just smacked the mat hard, and he may well have the air driven out of those heroic lungs!

Dick Morosi: The crowd’s getting ugly in a hurry, Seth! At this rate, we’re going to have a goddamned riot on our hands if Lifer wins this thing!

A grimacing Lifer begins to pull himself back to his feet as the Salaryman wheezes and crawls towards him. By the time Zack is standing and shaking out the cobwebs, Salaryman is on one knee, trying to draw air into his big frame.

The moment is perfect, Lifer knows, and he wills his battered body into one more charge, raising his right knee in the process. Salaryman never sees it coming, and eats the knee to the temple, sending him to the mat in a crumpled heap.

Dick Morosi: FORCED SUICIDE! Lifer got the knee this time! Salaryman’s out!

Clutching at his ribcage, Lifer crawls over to the downed Masked Salaryman, and manages to throw himself across the fallen hero.

Seth Ericson: In three seconds, this place is gonna be PISSED.

”BOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

ONE!


”BOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

TWO!


”BOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

THR--NO! SHOULDER UP!

Seth Ericson: Salaryman’s still in it! The Masked Salaryman’s survived Forced Suicide!

The Salaryman’s cheering section of, well, salarymen and #SectionB unite, trying to will the masked big guy up to his feet with the one chant perhaps able to make him do the impossible.

”KA RA O KE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
”KA RA O KE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
”KA RA O KE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*

Dick Morosi:This building is on the verge of a heart attack! The Masked Salaryman’s on the ropes big time, but they’re trying to get the big guy to mount one more comeback! Zack Lifer’s still on his knees in astonishment!

Zack looks down at the Salaryman in amazement, reaching up to take handfuls of his own hair, tugging at them in shock. The masked man can’t quite get up, but his eyes bore into those of Lifer’s, and the ringside mic manages to pick up what he says to Lifer in a weak, near delirious voice: “Never again. No one can make me take my own life.”

Dick Morosi: Lifer kicked out of the S5 just a few minutes ago! Both of these guys refusing to lay down and die.

Seth Ericson: Yeah, and Lifer looks like he’s about to lose it!

Dick Morosi: How many wins has Forced Suicide gotten Zack Lifer in this company? In his career? I don’t think he can believe that the man he thinks is a false hero was able to survive his kill shot!

Lifer’s eyes dart around the arena wildly, as he looks from the official to the Salaryman, back and forth. A huge scream erupts from Lifer’s throat, and when he’s finished, there is madnesss in his eyes. Zack takes his leave of the ring, making a beeline towards where David Zinkus sits.

Seth Ericson: Oh God, David, GET OUT OF THERE!

Sensibly, Zinkus gets the Hell out of dodge ASAP, leaving Lifer to take what he wanted - Zinkus’ seat, the time honored steel chair.

With weapon in hand, he rolls back into the ring, slowly, methodically, rising to his feet in the corner.

Dick Morosi: Lifer’s got the chair! The Masked Salaryman doesn’t see it, he’s still down!

Seth Ericson: This entire MATCH has been weapon-free up until now! I don’t think anyone thought Lifer had that in him, but when the chips are down, this is what he resorts to!

Dick Morosi: You saw that look in his eyes, Seth! The world did! He’s frustrated! He couldn’t put the Salaryman down with the best in his arsenal! Salaryman kicked out of Forced Suicide, so now, Lifer’s going to cave his skull in!

Lifer holds the chair, dangling from one hand as the other hand waves the Salaryman up, to his feet. The masked man moves slowly, feeling the exertion from the bout as he staggers back up to his feet, tottering around, slowly, to come face to face with an armed Zack Lifer.

Seth Ericson: Get out of there, Salaryman!

The crowd, too, pleads with the masked protector of EXODUS to get out of dodge.

But the Masked Salaryman does nothing of the kind. Still staggering from the effort to stay standing, his arms fall to his sides as he looks at Lifer from behind the glasses of his mask, not going anywhere, looking from Lifer to the chair in his hands.

Dick Morosi: Salaryman’s not moving! Lifer’s not moving! The Salaryman’s had this...odd control over Lifer for this whole match. He promised he wouldn’t use a weapon if Lifer didn’t, and that...pact has kept this the cleanest no disqualifications match of all time - Lifer’s shenanigans included - up until the moment Zack Lifer swings this steel chair!

Seth Ericson: He’s not even protecting himself! He’s daring a crazy man to try and decapitate him!

Lifer seems to be having a crisis of conscience as he brings a second hand to bear on the steel chair, brandishing it, poised to swing. His eyes are kaleidoscopic with emotion as he looks from the Salaryman to the official to the capacity crowd, booing him with just as much vitriol as they mustered the second he emerged from behind the curtain.

Seth Ericson: HE’S GOING TO MAIM YOU WITH THAT THING! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE, SALARYMAN!

The former International Champion takes a deep breath. He smiles broadly at the Salaryman, and nods his head.

Then he hauls back, and swings for the fences.

*CRACK!*

”BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Dick Morosi: Dear GOD!

The Masked Salaryman falls backwards to the canvas gracelessly, body hitting the canvas in a heap as the chair falls out of Lifer’s hands from the force of the swing. As it hits the mat, the camera zooms in on the chair, and the huge raised dent visible in the weapon.

Seth Ericson: The Masked Salaryman trusted Zack Lifer! He trusted Lifer not to hit him, even when armed, and look where it’s gotten him! Zack Lifer dented the Goddamned chair over the Salaryman’s skull! No hands! All steel on skull!

Zack Lifer is the only competitor standing, looking down at the Salaryman in near-shock as hatred cascades down from the rafters. Lifer carefully nudges the Salaryman with his toe once, then again, as if to test if the masked man is still coherent.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

And then, Zack shakes his head, and sighs.

“Not a hero after all,” he says, as he drops down slowly to cover the purveyor of Glorious Nipponese Values(™), cinching one of the Salaryman’s legs deeply as Katie drops down to count. “Heroes don’t lose.”

Dick Morosi: It was a Hell of a fight from the Salaryman, but in the end, he made one mistake - he trusted Zack Lifer.

ONE!



TWO!




THRE--NO!

Zack Lifer rises to his knees, as if expecting to hear his theme music playing. What he gets instead is a huge roar from the capacity crowd, and for all of Lifer’s supposed delusions, he knows damn well what such a roar means.

It was two. Only two.

Seth Ericson: Salaryman’s alive! He got the shoulder up!

Dick Morosi: I can’t believe that! Zack Lifer hit him in the head as hard as I’ve seen one human being hit another with a steel chair!

Tens of thousands of people in the Staples Center agree. Active the entire match, they pick up their chanting again. This time, it’s four simple words that speak to the heart of the torment in Zack Lifer’s soul at that very moment.

”YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
”YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
”YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*

“I CAN SO! SHUT UP, DAMNIT!” is the best Zack Lifer can manage, a cry screamed to the crowd, to himself, to the heavens.

As the Masked Salaryman rolls over to his stomach, slowly, so very slowly, Zack Lifer looks at the chair once more. He crawls over to it, on his knees, his fingers feeling the indentation that Salaryman’s head left in the chair. He then looks back at the Salaryman, a look of utter shock written all over his face. For thirty seconds, forty-five, sixty...he simply kneels there, watching in seeming horror as the Salaryman begins to push himself back up, struggling to keep himself in the match.

Seth Ericson: The floodgates are open now, though! Lifer’s used that chair - barbed wire and worse probably aren’t far behind! Salaryman is still in IMMENSE trouble!

Lifer finally manages to pick the chair up. Carefully, he rises to his feet, wobbling a bit from the cumulative damage of the battle as he measures the Salaryman. The masked man pushes himself up to his knees. Zack raises the chair once more, looking for the coup de grace, but the Salaryman grabs both of Lifer’s wrists, blocking the steel chair! Both men struggle, but even at a leverage disadvantage, the Masked Salaryman is stronger, surging to his feet, and wrenching the chair away from Lifer!

Dick Morosi: Lifer’s been disarmed, and now, the Masked Salaryman has the steel chair!

Seth Ericson: Brain him! This crowd is going insane! They want to see Lifer get his!

For a long moment, the Masked Salaryman hesitates, the chair in his hands, as if trying to decide just what to do with the weapon he took away from his opponent.

The crowd, naturally, are all in favor of the “pound Zack Lifer like a railroad spike” answer.

Finally, the hero decides.

The Masked Salaryman shakes his head, taking the chair and hurling it out of the ring! It lands nearly a third of the way up the huge Staples Center aisle.

Dick Morosi: The Salaryman won’t do it! He says he doesn’t need the weapon! He’s going to show Zack Lifer how a hero handles his business!

Lifer looks wide-eyed at the Salaryman, but charges, only for the masked man to side-step, and drop toe hold Lifer to the canvas. The Salaryman stands quickly, grabbing hold of Lifer’s leg, stepping over it and dropping down to lock on the facelock, to complete an STF to the approval of the audience.

Seth Ericson: Salaryman’s told us about this for weeks, but he’s never had the chance to use it! This is the S2S - Surrender 2 Salaryman, his version of the stepover toehold facelock!

Lifer reaches up to claw at the hands wrapped around his chin, but the Salaryman cranks down harder, briefly releasing one hand to swat one of Zack’s away, before re-cinching the hold in.

Dick Morosi: And it’s not just anyone doing it! Salaryman’s over two-hundred and eighty pounds! He’s got all of his body weight on Lifer! Zack’s going to have to drag all of it to the ropes if he want out!

It’s the same conclusion that Lifer himself has come to, groaning with exertion as his fingertips dig into the canvas, desperately trying to drag himself towards the ropes, but he’s in the middle of the ring, and the Masked Salaryman is pulling back on the S2S every inch of the way.

Seth Ericson: Zack Lifer’s never tapped out in his EXODUS career! And if he does now, this place is gonna come unglued!

”TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!”

The cries come from all corners of the Staples Center as Lifer’s eyes dart wildly around the crowd. His body finally flattens out from the exertion of trying to drag the larger Salaryman to the strands, and his arms reach out, fingertips stretching as far as they can and yet still coming up over a foot short of the bottom rope.

A desperate Lifer finally tries one more gambit. Using his right hand, he pushes up, hard, barrel rolling to the side. He manages to dislodge the Salaryman from his back, and rolls on top of the big man…

Dick Morosi: Lifer’s broken it!

Seth Ericson: Or has he?

Indeed, the Salaryman clings on, keeping the crossface around the neck and the foot of Lifer locked, continuing the roll, landing on top of Zack with the S2S still locked in!

Dick Morosi: No! Salaryman holds on!

The Masked Salaryman pulls back with everything he has, torquing Lifer’s neck at an unnatural angle. Lifer’s hand, reaching for the ropes, goes limp, and his eyes roll back in his head, a creepy grin on the former White Knight’s face as his entire body follows his hand. Katie prods at Lifer’s hand, checking the former International Champion, before calling for the bell!

*DING DING DING!*

Seth Ericson: Lifer’s out! The referee’s called an end to the contest!

At the sound of the bell, the Salaryman releases the hold immediately, before flopping to his stomach in exhaustion from the effort of keeping the S2S on. The crowd roars its approval, as “Holding Out for a Hero” begins to blast in the Staples Center once more, and a chairless David Zinkus makes things official.

David Zinkus: Your winner of this contest, at a time of fifteen minutes, seven seconds, by referee stoppage...THE MASKED SALARYMAN!

WINNER: The Masked Salaryman

Dick Morosi: The Masked Salaryman has overcome Zack Lifer! He’s overcome pokes to the eye, low blows, and his mask being nearly ripped off! He survived the Forced Suicide and a chairshot to the head! He’s forced Zack Lifer to pass out, and in doing so, picked up what could be the biggest win of his career!

Slowly, the masked man revives enough that Katie can raise his hand, to a ROAR from the crowd in Los Angeles. The Salaryman staggers to his feet, falling forward into the corner which holds him up. Lifer, too, is slowly stirring, having recovered his consciousness.

Seth Ericson: The Salaryman continues his path of dominance in EXODUS!

Said attache case is recovered by its owner, along with a pretty sweet cape, as the Salaryman begins the long walk up the aisle, slapping hands with fans on either side.

Dick Morosi: It’s been a bad night for Zack Lifer, folks - and remember, he still has to have a conversation with Nicholas Gray tonight, so things could go from bad to worse!

As Zack Lifer kneels in the middle of the ring, one final chant goes up from the crowd. It is, if the words of Jonathan Collins are any indication, prescient of a future that everyone on EXODUS not named Zack Lifer hopes comes far sooner than later.

”DA NA NA NA! NA NA NA NA! HEY HEY HEY! GOOOOOOODBYE!”

Lifer shakes his head, covering his face with his hands - even putting fingers in his ears.

”DA NA NA NA! NA NA NA NA! HEY HEY HEY! GOOOOOOODBYE!”

But the chants still come. He still hears them.

”DA NA NA NA! NA NA NA NA! HEY HEY HEY! GOOOOOOODBYE!”

After this day, regardless of the result of his talk with Nicholas Gray, he will always hear them.

Seth Ericson: Well, folks, we’ll be right back with -- WAIT! DON’T CUT AWAY!

Lost in the jubilance of victory and the chants directed at Lifer, the Salaryman never sees the vengeful Lifer coming. As Zack rolls free of the ring, he scoops up the chair he used to dent Salaryman’s head, and charges, catching the masked man across the back at a dead run, dropping the Salaryman to hands and knees.

*CRACK!*

Dick Morosi: Zack Lifer’s snapped!

Seth Ericson: I hate to say it, but this is pretty much par for the course for him lately!

Pure anger radiates from Lifer’s eyes as he slowly, methodically raises the chair, and drives it right down into the Salaryman’s back a second time. A third follows, as the crack of steel on flesh echoes up the aisleway.

*CRACK!*
*CRACK!*
*CRACK!*
*CRACK!*
*CRACK!*

Dick Morosi: That’s six chairshots! The Salaryman’s not moving! Lifer’s pummeling an unconscious body with that steel chair!

Zack switches up his grip on the steel chair, and drops down, driving the top of the chair into the back of the Salaryman’s neck. He holds it there, digging into the neck for long moments before finally tossing the steel chair aside.

Seth Ericson: This is a heinous assault, and Lifer’s not done yet!

Once again, Zack’s fingers work at the laces of the Masked Salaryman’s mask. This time, though, the Salaryman can’t stop him. Slowly, painstakingly, Lifer works the laces, loosening them completely.

Dick Morosi: Get the camera away! Don’t dignify this!

As Zack reaches down triumphantly to pluck the mask off, though, a blur comes in from the side of the screen, tackling Zack Lifer to the aisle! The figure begins to rain down lefts and rights, and the crowd’s approving roar only intensifies when they see who it is.

Seth Ericson: That’s Adrien Cochrane! Adrien Cochrane’s come to save the Masked Salaryman - and get himself a piece of Zack Lifer!

Lifer turtles up under the assault, managing to throw Cochrane off of him. Adrien hops to his feet immediately, challenging Zack to bring it on.

Adrien Cochrane: NO MORE! No more attacking people! At Dead in Hollywood, you’re going to PAY for all of this!

With his moment spent, though, Lifer doesn’t seem particularly willing to tangle with the Dropkick King. Slowly, he saunters back up the aisle, through the curtain, and disappears from view. Moments later, a trio of medical staff come out, to tend to the Masked Salaryman, joining Adrien in hovering over the masked hero.

Dick Morosi: Adrien Cochrane’s prevented an unmasking here tonight, and he’s got Zack Lifer at Dead in Hollywood! The Salaryman struck a blow for EXODUS tonight, but maybe, just maybe, Cochrane’s the man who can rid us of the scourge of Zack Lifer for good!

As the camera goes elsewhere, the last we see of the scene is Adrien Cochrane, kneeling over the Masked Salaryman, his face a mask of sadness and anger, as the paramedics do their jobs, and then a commercial.

We return to EXODUS Pro on FX #28 where we see Tom Matheny standing by an interview set, smiling at the camera with a microphone in his hand.

Tom Matheny: Ladies and gentlemen I’m Tom Matheny backstage at the Staples Center here in Los Angeles, California, and I’m delighted to introduce a resident of this city - EXODUS Pro’s International Champion, Christian Kane! Thanks for being here Christian.

The camera zooms out and pans left slightly to include The Handsome Drifter in the shot, who is checking himself out in the reflection of his International Championship belt. He licks the tips of his thumb and pinky finger then runs them over his eyebrows before turning to Matheny.

Christian Kane: ...The International Champion has granted you his precious, important time - you may speak.

Tom Matheny: Thank you. So...

Matheny begins.

Tom Matheny: ...EXPRO on FX #27, you defeated Angela Jameson in a fantastic contest, now here tonight you team with EXODUS superstar Fiona Collins to go up against the eerie Daughters of Janus. Can I get your thoughts on that?

Kane runs a gentle hand over his hair, making sure everything is in place and looking how it should be before throwing the belt over his shoulder, preparing to answer the question.

Christian Kane: Yeah, you know...three weeks ago Jameson put up a great fight, eventually I dispatched of her and past that we all know what happened between her and my girl. That’s been dealt with rather publicly already so I’m not going to get into it, but she did good. Tonight is an entirely different story. I’m teaming with Fiona for the first time EVER, and I’ve got to tell you I’m looking forward to it. I don’t remember stepping into the ring much at all with her nevermind actually teaming with her, so yeah, I’m excited. My opponents, well...they’re creepy. They’re weird. And if it were six months ago I probably would have bedded them and some weird things would’ve happen, things I can’t say on television - but that’s besides the point.

He grins, knowing exactly what he’d like to say, but refraining from doing so. Surprisingly enough.

Christian Kane: The Daughters of Janus...closely aligned with Mara and her gang of carnival freaks. I’ve watched them, the Sisters, that is. They’re a good team, if not by talent then by cohesion, but this match asks the big question. Does pure talent defeat cohesion? Myself and Fiona, two of the best this company has ever seen, if not two of the best any company has ever seen, can pure cohesion defeat us? I think not, Tom. We’re special, and if you think two circus freak twins are going to beat us then they have another thing coming. Ugh, they need to get a tan, too.

Tom Matheny: Well I will agree they certainly seem like a cohesive team, and who they hang around with does not bode well for EXODUS at all. However, moving on. This is the last show before Dead In Hollywood, so let’s talk about your International Championship - are you defending it, and if so, against whom?

Christian Kane takes a second, proudly looking at his belt before patting it.

Christian Kane: To be honest with you, I’m not all too sure. But I said it the show after The Autumn Effect 2, I am going to make this championship greater than ever. I am going to make this THE championship, Matheny, hear me? Christian Kane is a fighting champion and whoever I face is gonna find o-

Out of nowhere, a large individual barrels into the shot and drives Christian Kane into the wall! As the camera moves back slightly we see that it’s Justin Brooks! Kane grunts audibly as he bounces off the wall and to the floor. The Monster From The Bay then rips a monitor from the wall slamming it down onto Christian Kane’s head, but the Canadian moves right at the last second! The dodge stuns Brooks just enough for Kane to leap up to his feet and into the big man, the pair of them trading shots as the camera backs up along with the retreating Tom Matheny. Kane is using his speed to pick his moments whilst Brooks is throwing haymaker after haymaker looking to catch the International Champion. Eventually in the scuffle the security team runs in to break up the fight, several more men holding back Justin Brooks than Christian Kane. Both men have bloodied lips but don’t particularly seem to care as they shout at each other, their words however lost in the loud ruckus. What we can make out however is Justin pointing to Kane’s belt which he’s holding above his head, signifying that he’s the champion as we go back to ringside.

NORMAL MATCH
MARA vs. EVANGELISTA

Multicoloured spotlights swirl around the entranceway as the martial-sounding intro to Glass Candy's "Candy Castle" comes across the PA. As the beat kicks in Evangelista walks through the curtain and places her hands on her hips, surveying the auditorium with a smile. Laurel Anne Hardy is by her side, dancing around with a feather boa.

David Zinkus: From St Helens, England, weighing one hundred and thirty-three pounds, being accompanied by Laurel Anne Hardy and representing The Asylum...

The two young women share a good luck hug, then start down the aisle and head in opposite directions when they reach the bottom - Evangelista focused on the task ahead and absently tagging a few outstretched hands, Hardy dancing back and forth and interacting with the fans much more with hugs, high fives and handshakes. After completing a circuit of the ringside area they regroup and Evangelista slides under the bottom rope while Laurel leaps over her onto the apron, and somersaults over the top rope. They run up opposite turnbuckles and pose, then drop and repeat their actions in the other two corners. Hardy throws her boa into the crowd, prompting a scrum to catch it.

David Zinkus: She is "The Prodigal Daughter"... EVANGELISTA!

They both moonsault down to standing positions in the centre of the ring. Evangelista crosses herself and warms up while Laurel steps out to ringside.

Dick Morosi: Folks, we’re set for a debut bout here over something that’s been talked about ever since the aftermath of the Autumn Effect and Evangelista gets to be the first person tested against this new entity.

Seth Ericson: Evangelista is one of those wrestlers used to breaking through frontiers, if you will. But I have a feeling she’s going to need eyes in the back of her head and Laurel’s crazy ass to watch for whatever may happen here tonight.

The lights in the arena black out as a flashing image comes onto the EXOScreen...



As soon as the pulse of electronic drums kick in, the crowd notices a woman standing at the entrance way wearing a kabuki mask and a long black and blue robe. Slowly making her way down the aisle as "Reach for the Dead" by Boards of Canada continues to play, the crowd continues to stir and make a reaction as the woman walks toward the ring. The woman hops up onto the apron and grabs the ropes as she places her back against them before flipping in and landing on her feet, removing her kabuki mask and ripping it off, instantly spitting out black mist. When the crowd realizes this is none other than the entity known as "mara", the reaction becomes more negative as she looks out at the crowd for a moment without a sign of emotion on her face, before standing up and going to her respective corner to remove her robe and prepare for her match.

David Zinkus: And her opponent...from Anaheim, California, weighing in tonight at one hundred and thirty pounds...SHE IS MAAAAAAARA!!!!!!!

As Mara hands the robe over to one of the timekeepers, her eyes fixate on Evangelista while the “Prodigal Daughter” stands her ground on the other side of the ring, having a conversation with Laurel on some last minute strategy for this one.

Dick Morosi: And there is the entity that we’ve been seeing and ladies and gentlemen, there does not appear to be anything orthodox about Mara. This could get ugly real quick and for somebody who excels at the textbook style like Evangelista, maybe not the best match-up.

Seth Ericson: Evangelista is going to have to bring every bit of skill and experience she’s had in that ring to this one. I got a bad vibe about this Mara, Dick. Like, I literally do not want to stick my dick in it.

Dick Morosi: Seth, that’s disgusting…

The bell rings and the two come forward. Evangelista makes the first move while attempting for a collar-to-elbow tie-up but Mara sees this coming and chooses to quickly evade the attempt by going low and leg sweeping Evangelista right down to the mat. Mara doesn’t hesitate to take the mount position from there and dish out a few, well-placed forearms to Evangelista before being told to get off of it by the referee. No wasted motion occurs as Mara stands Evangelista back up, irish whipping her into the ropes and catching her on the return with an arm drag, then following up with another one after Evangelista returns to her feet...but when Mara attempts to go for a third one, Evangelista displays some great athleticism by landing on her feet and then catching her with an elbow to the face, a headbutt to the jaw that sends Mara reeling back and then eventually a sitout jawbreaker to complete things out to floor the newcomer to the mat.

Dick Morosi: Mara was off to an incredible start on a rather orthodox manner, to the surprise of everyone here.

Seth Ericson: Followed by Evangelista taking the reins in the unorthodox manner of strikes rather than her patented, technical holds this early into the match. We’re off to a stellar start in this booth in 2015, Dick, to say the least.

Evangelista doesn’t hesitate to pounce on this window of advantage she’s created as she stands Mara back up, bringing Mara close and keeping her from trying anything to turn the tides with a series of European uppercuts that sent the Tempest reeling back but there’s no display on her face indicating that she’s being affected by any of them. Seeing this, Evangelista fires off a particularly nasty European uppercut her way that sends Mara back to the ropes...but comes back with a forearm of her own to The Prodigal Daughter. Evangelista sees the approach of the uppercuts isn’t working and she attempts to reply with a few sets of sharp kicks that do seem to have a little more effect on Mara, one of them particularly sending her a few steps back to the turnbuckle. Evangelista takes advantage of this and proceeds to bounce her head right onto the top turnbuckle for added damage before grabbing on to Mara’s head and coming off the turnbuckle with a two-handed bulldog. Quickly after that, she covers Mara:

ONE!!!!

TW- And a kickout from Mara before even reaching the two count.

Evangelista doesn’t stop, as Laurel screams from the outside for Eva to stay on Mara regardless of what happens. The Prodigal Daughter stands Mara up, using a few knees to keep her from counterattacking until pushing her against the ropes where the referee does step in, asking Evangelista to either break it off or get Mara away from them. Evangelista does take a step back but comes back with a knife-edged chop while gets a resounding gasp from the crowd...but a smirk from Mara Tempest. The smirk grows wide as Evangelista hits her with another chop but before Evangelista can go for a third...Mara reaches out and grabs on to Evangelista’s neck, beginning to apply pressure as Evangelista’s eyes go wide in pure horror while Laurel starts SCREAMING at the referee to get Mara away from Eva and the neck!

Dick Morosi: WHOA! Evangelista looked in pure control but Mara’s got a hold of her neck and the Prodigal Daughter looks like she’s seen a ghost!

Seth Ericson: I’ve heard rumblings that Evangelista has this nervous tick when people go for her throat and when you consider who’s against her here tonight, you almost wonder if it was done on purpose.

Mara pushes her back further, as Evangelista screams out much to the Tempest’s amusement before breaking off the blatant choke hold and letting the Prodigal Daughter step back, her hands moving to her neck immediately as if to check on it. Showing an unusual amount of anger, Eva charges at Mara, who ducks under a wild clothesline attempt before taking off to the opposite ropes while Evangelista bounces off of them on the other side. As the two meet in the center of the ring, however, Mara takes a wild spin and catches Evangelista in full with a backfist that FLOORS her to the mat in a vicious manner.

Seth Ericson: HOLY SH- DID SHE JUST USE...

Dick Morosi: ZERO HOUR! MARA JUST USED JONATHAN COLLINS’ ZERO HOUR ON EVANGELISTA!

The Staples Center is in shock as Mara glances down at the fallen Evangelista and then over at Laurel Anne Hardy, who seems to be beside herself while trying to encourage her tag team partner to get back to her feet. Mara gradually drags Evangelista back to her feet, who still looks rather out of the commission before Mara places her in a full nelson, dragging Evangelista as far backward as she can do before beginning to nail her with a series of vicious, gruesome looking left knees, one after the other before hooking her arms back and elevating her up, connecting with a tiger suplex which Mara keeps bridged for the pin:

ONE!!!!!!

TWO!!!!!!!!!

TH- Evangelista manages to somehow to get the shoulders off the mat, but Mara does not let go of the hold, instead choosing to roll over, bringing the two of them back to a vertical position. With wicked intentions, Mara nails Evangelista with a swift knee to her lower back for good measure before shifting the grip to a full nelson once again and this time around, lifting Evangelista up in the air before turning her right around and connecting with a massive reverse STO that again leaves the Staples Center crowd gasping in both the impact and the smooth transition into the maneuver.

Dick Morosi: Mara calls this one the “Danse Macabre” and Evangelista just took the full brunt of it!

Seth Ericson: No matter how much Laurel’s screaming right now, I don’t think it’s going to change the fact that Evangelista is out right now!

With a large exhale, Mara sits up and glances at Evangelista’s floored body for a moment, then back at a screaming Laurel Anne Hardy and mutters “she’ll live to fight another day...I am a woman of my word” before flipping Evangelista over and covering her:

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

TWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bell rings once again as “Reach for the Dead” by Boards of Canada plays over the PA system as Mara stands up, dusting herself off before having her hand raised by the referee and looking at the camera lens with a determined expression on her face.

David Zinkus: Here is your winner...MAAAAAAAAARA!!!!!!!!!

Dick Morosi: The Danse Macabre finished things off here tonight, but you gotta believe that the moment Mara went after Evangelista’s neck is when everything changed.

Seth Ericson: She suckered Evangelista in, alright...but who in the world expected Mara to use Jonathan Collins’ ZERO Hour, of all things, to shift the balance in full? Hell, she hit with the same kind of force we’ve seen Jonathan use for years and years.

Dick Morosi: The link between this mysterious woman and the Collins family continues to grow, folks...but in two weeks’ time, she’s got a VERY aggravated Seraph to deal with and unlike Evangelista, there’s no neck touching to leave her unbalanced.

Seth Ericson: At the same time...imagine if she can somehow get into Fiona’s head…

The cameras eventually go elsewhere as Mara makes her way out of the ring while Laurel is now at ringside, checking on Evangelista. Mara goes to approach the entrance area as she's greeted by...a new but familiar face, holding the handle of a black lantern.

Seth Ericson: ...she did not...

Dick Morosi: Seth...that's....that's Audrey Lloris.

Without hesitation, Mara takes the lantern and lays it at the top of the entrance ramp, leaving it as the camera leaves its shot on it.

WINNER: mara

Dick Morosi: A huge debut win for this girl known as Mara!

Seth Ericson: The offense is familiar, the atmosphere is creepy, and she seems absolutely primed to face Fiona Collins in two weeks at Dead In Hollywood.

Dick Morosi: I don't know what else to say about this unorthodox individual. In the meanwhile, let's head backstage.

Heartbeat.

A lizard looks to the Sun. A wild dog stalks towards us, shimmering in the heat haze of the badlands. A parched voice speaks from beyond the burning shimmer.

The Man In White: We are born.

Flashes of a vulture egg cracking, a litter of desert rats sucking at their mother's teat, a juvenile snake slithering from its nest for the first time.

The Man In White: We die.

Carrion birds tearing something to ribbons. A snake and a rat locked in combat, teeth sunk into each other. Bleached human bones, forgotten among the dunes.

Heartbeat.

The Man In White: We die, and from our death, others live. Some would have you believe it's part of a pattern, an almighty plan writ in the great tome of the world.

Heartbeat.

The Man In White: Others would tell you it's all chaos. All the whims of random chance in a universe with no consciousness with which to even know we exist within it.

Heartbeat.

The Man In White: But nobody knows for sure.

Deep eyes beneath thick black eyebrows slam open.

The Man In White: We stumble through the light, and through the dark. We scurry from shadow to shadow. The cycle of life and death goes on for all time and we have no roadmap. We have no compass. We have no provisions.

A wide shot of the vast, blazing emptiness of the Mojave, from so high that towering fan palms and Joshua trees look like nothing but weeds in the dust.

The Man In White: I have the seen the way, EXODUS. I know which sands are safe to tread. I can guide you through the shadows. I can help you break this cycle.

Heartbeat.

Darkness.

The Man In White: You just have to come with me...

Fade to commercial.

TAG TEAM MATCH
STEVE LENTON (EXODUS Pro Tag Team Champion) & ANGELA JAMESON vs. GRENDEL & JUSTIN BROOKS

The lights in the arena slowly dim to a subdued level. Smoke starts erupting from the entranceway. After a few moments, drums begin to beat out an intro. Then:



On the word "you", bright lights snap up on the entranceway, as GRENDEL emerges through the cloud. He stops at the top of the ramp as he surveys the ring and the crowd before him. Darius Reed emerges behind him, yelling to the crowd to psych them up, wearing a simple black REVOLUTION t-shirt.

But seriously, I love how your banner LOOKS like it says "The Moaning Star"

Which is probably more accurate than ever.