Post by Salaryman/Raines/FIPW on Apr 7, 2015 17:07:24 GMT -6
This has taken me far too long to write – long enough that what looked like it was going to be a temporary leave of absence has morphed into what is likely going to be my retirement from eWrestling for the foreseeable future, a day that I never thought would come, and have spent over a decade hoping never would.
The basic reasons for this are as follows.
1. I didn't get the scholarship I interviewed for, and while I did get a lesser scholarship out of that process, I'm working as much as I am (which is currently crazy hours, plus overtime, plus other random things on the side) in an effort to take out as little as possible for loans plus rent once school starts in the fall, because I'm already in ridiculous debt from law school. This is what's taking up the vast majority of my time. What I thought was going to be a few weeks of ludicrous hours is now basically a month and a half and counting and likely to be this way up until I start classes.
2. I'm undergoing a lot of related (and unrelated) personal stress right now as well. Some of you may remember that I took time off a while back for personal reasons and getting myself in order – that goes double right now. I turned thirty in mid-March, and it's hitting me hard for a wide variety of reasons. Ideally, this reason will be in order (or closer to it) by the time I get to school in the fall, and I'm taking steps to rectify it. Suffice it to say I'm not particularly happy with myself right now, or my place in the world, for a lot of reasons.
3. The final reason is much harder, and much more long-term. I have a somewhat addictive personality, and the EXODUS universe has both gloriously fed that addiction and made me realize it, probably for the first time. I have way too many characters here, and during this time that I've had to sit on the sidelines, I realized that I have active plans for three (Almasy, Kamigawa, Raines), while still coming up with more characters that I wanted to play – all of this while also wanting to run FIPW, write matches where I can, and contribute in a thousand other ways. It was barely sustainable for me when I didn't have work, let alone now that I have an hour or two to myself at night tops most days.
On the surface, the answer seems easy – just pick a character, but honestly, I know that I can't. I know how I operate too well. And even if I were to pick a character, even once school starts, I know I won't have the time to handle that character the way I'd want, between Twitter obligations, segments, and the fact that I may be one of the slowest Rpers on record. It takes me nearly forever to write anything, and work's not an option – I got yelled at for trying.
I poured a lot of time into EXODUS - time that I greatly enjoyed, to be certain, but also time that cut into other hobbies, and my relationships with other people, that I'm slowly trying to rebuild along with everything else.
This leaves a lot of loose ends, I know – I'm going to talk to/PM/something Allison and Paige over the next week, to discuss what to do about Simon Raines and Damon Alexander, respectively. As for FIPW, I'm more than content to give it to you guys, if you want to run it, or just let it fade gracefully from existence. Whatever works best for you guys. Nick, all of my RW characters are yours to book as you see fit – and if you or someone else wants the Yukiko account to fuck with poor Anderson more, let me know, and I can make that happen.
I am hopeful that I'll be able to be around more in the future, even if it's just to log onto a Skype call, or feedback a show. It'll probably be the case that I can once school starts up. I miss all of you and the family environment that EXODUS fosters, an environment that gave me hope during a time I was very down on eWrestling and my time on the internet in general.
I hate goodbyes, so I'm not calling this a goodbye, more a “farewell for now and I'll pop in whenever my life allows me to say hi and such.” I consider all of you friends, and I will follow EXODUS for as long as it goes, whatever direction it goes on. You are all some of the best writers I've ever met on the internet, and more importantly, some of the best people.
Thank you all for everything, from the bottom of my heart.
The basic reasons for this are as follows.
1. I didn't get the scholarship I interviewed for, and while I did get a lesser scholarship out of that process, I'm working as much as I am (which is currently crazy hours, plus overtime, plus other random things on the side) in an effort to take out as little as possible for loans plus rent once school starts in the fall, because I'm already in ridiculous debt from law school. This is what's taking up the vast majority of my time. What I thought was going to be a few weeks of ludicrous hours is now basically a month and a half and counting and likely to be this way up until I start classes.
2. I'm undergoing a lot of related (and unrelated) personal stress right now as well. Some of you may remember that I took time off a while back for personal reasons and getting myself in order – that goes double right now. I turned thirty in mid-March, and it's hitting me hard for a wide variety of reasons. Ideally, this reason will be in order (or closer to it) by the time I get to school in the fall, and I'm taking steps to rectify it. Suffice it to say I'm not particularly happy with myself right now, or my place in the world, for a lot of reasons.
3. The final reason is much harder, and much more long-term. I have a somewhat addictive personality, and the EXODUS universe has both gloriously fed that addiction and made me realize it, probably for the first time. I have way too many characters here, and during this time that I've had to sit on the sidelines, I realized that I have active plans for three (Almasy, Kamigawa, Raines), while still coming up with more characters that I wanted to play – all of this while also wanting to run FIPW, write matches where I can, and contribute in a thousand other ways. It was barely sustainable for me when I didn't have work, let alone now that I have an hour or two to myself at night tops most days.
On the surface, the answer seems easy – just pick a character, but honestly, I know that I can't. I know how I operate too well. And even if I were to pick a character, even once school starts, I know I won't have the time to handle that character the way I'd want, between Twitter obligations, segments, and the fact that I may be one of the slowest Rpers on record. It takes me nearly forever to write anything, and work's not an option – I got yelled at for trying.
I poured a lot of time into EXODUS - time that I greatly enjoyed, to be certain, but also time that cut into other hobbies, and my relationships with other people, that I'm slowly trying to rebuild along with everything else.
This leaves a lot of loose ends, I know – I'm going to talk to/PM/something Allison and Paige over the next week, to discuss what to do about Simon Raines and Damon Alexander, respectively. As for FIPW, I'm more than content to give it to you guys, if you want to run it, or just let it fade gracefully from existence. Whatever works best for you guys. Nick, all of my RW characters are yours to book as you see fit – and if you or someone else wants the Yukiko account to fuck with poor Anderson more, let me know, and I can make that happen.
I am hopeful that I'll be able to be around more in the future, even if it's just to log onto a Skype call, or feedback a show. It'll probably be the case that I can once school starts up. I miss all of you and the family environment that EXODUS fosters, an environment that gave me hope during a time I was very down on eWrestling and my time on the internet in general.
I hate goodbyes, so I'm not calling this a goodbye, more a “farewell for now and I'll pop in whenever my life allows me to say hi and such.” I consider all of you friends, and I will follow EXODUS for as long as it goes, whatever direction it goes on. You are all some of the best writers I've ever met on the internet, and more importantly, some of the best people.
Thank you all for everything, from the bottom of my heart.