Post by LAZERADE! on Nov 14, 2015 13:55:04 GMT -6
The screen is black. For a few moments, there is nothing. No movement. No noise.
Nothing.
Suddenly, the infamous Chibi Cassius drops into shot. He’s been remodelled into Cassius Reed’s current image of CA$$IUS!, and is hanging upside down with a cartoon rope around his waist. He holds up a peace sign, upside down, whilst look at the screen.
Chibi CA$$IUS!: Hang on tight bitches! CA$$IUS! is on the way, an’ he’s comin’ in hot!
There’s suddenly an explosion behind the Chibi, which blasts him into the screen, where he holds for a few moments, comically splattered on the “glass” before he slides down and out of sight. Behind him, the smoke coalesces to form the LAZERADE! logo, with pink light shining behind the logo. Underneath, the word “Presents” forms in a delicate neon pink script, the words hanging in the darkness for a moment, before they fade into nothingness. Suddenly, the camera zooms out, revealing it’s been in extreme close up on the back of a man’s afro… a man who now spins on his toe, revealing himself to be none other than Cassius Reed, the half-man, half-sports drink who now refers to himself as CA$$IUS!. His afro is styled large, with a purple streak dyed in one side. A pink lightning bolt is painted over his right eye, the same style as the signature lightning bolt ! in the LAZERADE! logo. His eyes are a vivid pink, seemingly due to the use of cosmetic lenses. He wears a pink denim jacket, unbuttoned at the front, with the sleeves torn off, decorated with studs, and black pants with a belt with a pink star buckle. He has a massive grin on his face, and the EXODUS Pacific Coast title draped over one shoulder. The room he’s being broadcast from appears to be quite small, with a black drape hung from the ceiling, obscuring the wall behind him.
Cassius Reed: BOOM! Listen up people! Yo’ Pacific Coast Champion comin’ to yo’ here! CA$$IUS! represents every one of yo’ from San Diego to Portland, an’ beyond!
He stops a moment, to let that sink in.
Cassius Reed: Now those kind folks at LAZERADE! have arranged CA$$IUS! some time for him to come and give you some of his time. Yo’ all see, CA$$IUS! has a story to tell.
He looks to someone off screen.
Cassius Reed: HEY! FLOYD! DO THE THING!
The screen suddenly starts to waver and go cloudy, much like an 80s sitcom flashback sequence. When it stops, the scene from before is replaced by that of Cassius in a large, wingback chair. His makeup and hair in the same as before, but he’s now wear a pink velvet smoking jacket. In one hand, he swills a brandy glass, whilst in the other he holds a large, leather bound book, holding it open on one leg. He has a pair of pince-nez glasses clipped to his nose, as he squints through them to the book. After a few moments, he lets out a hearty chuckle. He stops, and takes a brief sip from his brandy glass, before he stops, seeming to notice the camera for the first time. He smiles.
Cassius Reed: Ahhhh. LAZERADE!..., yo’ just can’t beat it. Oh, look, yo’ seem to have caught CA$$IUS! in a completely unscripted and natural settin’.
He sets down the brandy glass on a side table, before removing the pince-nez from his nose, slipping them into a jacket pocket.
Cassius Reed: Oh, what’s this? Why children, this is the good book. No, not the Bible of LAZERADE!, it ain’t Sunday. No, this is a story, all about how a little boy from Georgia grew up to blow yo’ minds. Yo’ sittin’ comfortably? Get yo’self a chilled LAZERADE!, settle yo’self in a comfy chair, an’ listen up. Yo’ bout to learn some things.
Cassius slams the book shut on his lap, and looks up to the camera.
Cassius Reed: Let CA$$IUS! take yo’ all back. Back, about a year or so. Yo’ see, CA$$IUS would have been sat in a bar, workin’ out what to do wit’ his life. Boxin’ had just turned it’s back on him. He was havin’ to do some heavy thinkin’. An’ so he’s sat there, knockin’ back a cold one and shovellin’ bar nuts by the handful, when somethin’ catches his eye. Up on the little box on the screen, CA$$IUS! spies his baby brother, wrenchin’ the life out some honky. Now CA$$IUS! ain’t gonna lie, he had to check that the barman hadn’t given him Absinthe instead of Coors, because there ain’t no way in hell CA$$IUS! ever expected Little A to turn up in a ring on telly, especially not wrestlin’. So CA$$IUS! ordered himself another beer, kept an eye on the screen, an’ settled in. An’ he watched Little A stand there, an’ get in the face of some little white girl, then some other white girl turn up, an’ then all hell broke loose. An’ yo’ kno’ what CA$$IUS! noticed? Not baby bro an’ his buddies kick the ass of a whole bunch of losers… but every single set of eyes in that arena lookin’ at him. Lookin’ at what he did. Sure, they were booin’. Sure, they threw shit. But they were lookin’. They were watchin’. An’ yo’ kno’ what CA$$IUS! decided that night?
He grins.
Cassius Reed: He decided he weren’t goin’ to let baby brother steal all the limelight. Oh no. CA$$IUS! decided to show the world, whatever Aries can do… he can do better. So that night, CA$$IUS! hatched a plan.
He takes a sip of his drink.
Cassius Reed: So CA$$IUS! sets out the next day, scouts out some schools. CA$$IUS! gonna do this, CA$$IUS! gonna do this right. CA$$IUS! does his homework. Finds out Aries done his schoolin’ in some place in Cali. So CA$$IUS! looks, an’ he searches, an’ he finds the perfect place, some little place in Toronto. Skip forward to the new year, an’ there he stands, in that new class, waitin’ to soak up all the learnin’ that place had to offer. An’, well, those of you that kno’ me kno’, CA$$IUS! always be a quick learner. Now some might say CA$$IUS! had a natural advantage. CA$$IUS! already trained from his boxin’, he already fit, he already in shape. He soars through all the exercise programs with the greatest of ease. An’ not only that, but he’s always had a gift fo’ the sho’, so it don’t take long for CA$$IUS! to climb to the head of that class, they jus’ a bunch of kids who think they can show up, learn how to slam a nigga, an’ be the next Andreas Lasiewicz or Brent Alles or somethin’. But CA$$IUS! knows better.
CA$$IUS! knows yo’ want that brass ring, yo’ gotta reach.
So CA$$IUS! turned up early to every class. He set up that room, he took it down. He spent every hour he could in that gym, workin’ wit’ anyone who he could bother to workin’ wit’ him. An’ the flakes flaked out. People broke themselves. The chaff got separated. An’ yo’ kno’ who was left standin’? CA$$IUS!. Yo’ know, they tried to even give him some school masked gimmick when the class was up, but CA$$IUS! had his own plans.
Cassius takes a long sip of the LAZERADE! in the brandy glass. He smiles.
Cassius Reed: Yo’ see, back in his boxing heyday, CA$$IUS! had fought more than his fair share of bouts below the border. An’ in doin’ so… let’s say CA$$IUS! came to know people who… ran things. Now CA$$IUS!, he always been on the up an’ up, don’t get him wrong. But a couple of things were done, a couple of favors owed, an’ suddenly CA$$IUS! hears that a new company openin’. Jus’ the other side of the thick, black line, to where Little A runnin’ ‘round an’ kickin’ up controversy. An’ owned by his old… associates. Now CA$$IUS! ain’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth as much as he is to swagger up an’ knock it the funk out. So CA$$IUS! got his own mask. Made his own identity. An’t things south of the border got a load more Funky. An’ why? Why did CA$$IUS! do this?
He smiles.
Cassius Reed: CA$$IUS! don’t need tell yo’ that. Yo’ all seen that. Funky walked into that ring, an’ CA$$IUS! walked out. CA$$IUS! proved to the world that he was better than Little A. But more than that? When he knocked SCHLOMO the funk out, an’ took that tin plated strap. CA$$IUS! proved he better than most.
Cassius stops, and brings a hand to his ear. He looks confused, curious even.
Cassius Reed: But CA$$IUS!, I hear you cry, why this story is an amazing tale of triumph that should win yo’ an oscar, why yo’ tellin’ us now? Why, people, CA$$IUS! is glad yo’ asked.
He looks off screen.
Cassius Reed: HEY FLOYD, DO THE OTHER THING!
He looks to the screen once more, waving bye bye, as the 80s flashback ripples return, obscuring him, before the fade to Cassius, as we saw him before, but now seemingly standing in the void of space, the Milky Way spinning behind him. He looks up at the camera, and yells, inordinately happy with himself.
Cassius Reed: YEAH, BITCHES! THAT SWEET LAZERADE! DOLLAR PAY FOR MORE THAN KEEPIN’ CA$$IUS! IN THE MANNER TO WHICH HE HAS BECOME ACCUSTOMED! I GOT GREEN SCREEN!
Almost as if the prove his point, the background changes, to that of a heated battle scene, armies of knights doing battle with demons.
Cassius Reed: Come on, admit it, yo’ all impressed. Now where was CA$$IUS!?
The background changes to a library.
Cassius Reed: Oh yeah! Thanks magical background lady! So yeah, CA$$IUS! tell yo’ his story for more than provin’ how awesome he is. CA$$IUS! educatin’ yo’ people for a reason. Yo’ see, there plenty of people who look at CA$$IUS! an’ straight out dismiss him. They say he all style, no substance. They say he just another Reed. They say he don’t actually care ‘bout this, that he goofs off. They say he don’t respect his opponent, like this week, people sayin’ he dismissed Sydney outta hand, because, CA$$IUS! don’t know, cause she in (R)Evo or she don’t look as fine in pink as him or some other mamma jammin' piece of shit reason. Yo’ know what? All those bitches wanna stop puttin’ words in CA$$IUS!’s mouth, less he puts his fist in theirs.
The background changes to rolling cloud, slowly changing from peaceful white to a storm laden black.
Cassius Reed: No, CA$$IUS! tol’ yo’ all that story so yo’ all kno’ that CA$$IUS! is all ‘bout this game. CA$$IUS! changed his whole career to jus’ get in this game. He done the first this, accomplished his first plan: he proved to all that he better than Aries, when he beat his ass, an’ unmasked. He accomplished his second mission when he won this belt.
The background changes to be a close up of the front of the EXODUS Pacific Coast Title.
Cassius Reed: Now, it ain’t enough to prove to yo’ all that CA$$IUS! better than Aries. It ain’t enough to prove that he better than most. No, CA$$IUS! got a new plan. To prove he’s the best. Period. An’ yo’ kno’ what? This seems like as good a chance as any to start.
He smiles.
Cassius Reed: Now, yo’ gotta understand one thing. CA$$IUS! ain’t one fo’ this ace nonsense. This wrestlin’, not blackjack. CA$$IUS! don’t care if yo’ an ace or the ten of clubs. But the bigwigs, they think that important. So CA$$IUS! lookin’ to prove he better than (R)Evolution’s Ace. Please, yo’ think CA$$IUS! so shallow as to make this whole thing about him rockin’ this look better than Canadian She-Hulk? That’s a side project. Yo’ all think CA$$IUS! is so one dimensional? Bitch please, CA$$IUS! got more layers than a onion.
He clicks his fingers, and the background changes once more, to images of Sydney Christensen at work. You could even define it as a montage of some of her finest moments, as the VT only exposes her at her very best.
Cassius Reed: If CA$$IUS! learned only one thing from his time in laced gloves an’ baggy shorts, it’s that to be the best, yo’ gotta beat the best. An’ that ain’t always who’s holdin’ a belt. Plenty of reasons to downplay the best. Missed opportunities. Wrong place at the right time. Politics. CA$$IUS! seen it all. Yo’ ask anyone in (R)Evo. Yo’ ask anyone who watches (R)Evo. Yo’ ask ‘em who the best there is. CA$$IUS! promises yo’ 8 outta 10 gunna say this fine piece of Canadian Bacon. Look. At. Her. She kno’ what she doin’. She got it. An’ what CA$$IUS! gotta do, at Convergence, is prove to all yo’ that he better than that.
He gestures over his shoulder, to video of Sydney at (R) To The Core II applying the ALPHA-16 to Elizabeth Lannister.
Cassius Reed: An’ that a tall order. CA$$IUS! means literally, look at the size of her. But yo’ know what? This ain’t no pity trip. CA$$IUS! made this match for one reason: to prove himself, an’ to test himself. CA$$IUS! ain’t walkin’ into this match thinkin’ he ain’t winnin’. CA$$IUS! wouldn’t have offered to put the prize on the line if that were the case. What yo’ see is CA$$IUS! givin’ himself the incentive needed. The incentive needed to go all out, an’ to prove to yo’ all that CA$$IUS! more than just an exquisitely carved hunk of chocolate who has an exquisite taste in rehydratin’ sports drinks.
He pauses a moment..
Cassius Reed: FLOYD, YO’ KNO’ THE DEAL BY NOW!
The image behind Cassius is replaced by the image of him in the studio we opened on. The Cassius in the background is waving at the Cassius in front of the greenscreen. The Cassius in front quickly looks to the camera.
Cassius Reed: Woah! REEDCEPTION!
The Cassius in front of the screen winks to the camera, before disappearing with a Star Trek style teleport effect, returning us back to the Cassius in the studio.
Cassius Reed: At Convergence, CA$$IUS! gonna start provin’ to each an’ every one of yo’ what he already knows: that he is the best. An’ to do that, CA$$IUS! is playin’ on hard mode. She may have an Ace, but CA$$IUS! goin’ All-In, an’ yo better kno’ that he got plenty in his hand. CA$$IUS! knows she strong. She technical. But CA$$IUS! quick. An’ CA$$IUS! hits hard. But yo’ kno’ what else? CA$$IUS! got somethin’ she ain’t, an’ she can’t have… CA$$IUS! a Reed. An’ the thing about Reeds, we learn to live wit’ disappointment from a young age. An’ CA$$IUS! done wit’ disappointment.
He smiles, and slowly spreads his arms.
Cassius Reed: CA$$IUS! ticked off his first two plans. But this now his biggest plan. The master plan. An’ wit’ Plan A an’ Plan B out the way, yo’ know what?
He holds the moment in the air a moment, letting the electricity build around him.
Cassius Reed: Yo’ gotta have faith in Plan C!
With this, he drops his arms fast, as pyros simultaneously explode behind him, showering in sparks, as the black drape covering the back wall drops, revealing the LAZERADE! logo graffitied on it. He tilts his head back, laughing, as he showers in the sparks. He bathes in them a moment, before a cartoon piece of string drops, superimposed on the video. Over the top of the still running video, the Chibi CA$$IUS! strolls on screen, whistling. The real Cassius notices, and runs forward, trying to stop it, but is too slow, as the Chibi CA$$IUS! pulls the cartoon string, bringing a black background down like a roller blind. He pulls an animated bottle of LAZERADE! out of a pocket, before spinning it around in his fingers, and blowing the top like a cowboy blowing the smoke from his gun. He looks to the screen, and winks as he speaks.
Chibi CA$$IUS!: Remember kids! Green screen an’ pyros both big an’ clever. An’ of course, buy LAZERADE!, bitches!
With this, the Chibi CA$$IUS! throws up the peace sign from before, before he too fades to black.
Nothing.
Suddenly, the infamous Chibi Cassius drops into shot. He’s been remodelled into Cassius Reed’s current image of CA$$IUS!, and is hanging upside down with a cartoon rope around his waist. He holds up a peace sign, upside down, whilst look at the screen.
Chibi CA$$IUS!: Hang on tight bitches! CA$$IUS! is on the way, an’ he’s comin’ in hot!
There’s suddenly an explosion behind the Chibi, which blasts him into the screen, where he holds for a few moments, comically splattered on the “glass” before he slides down and out of sight. Behind him, the smoke coalesces to form the LAZERADE! logo, with pink light shining behind the logo. Underneath, the word “Presents” forms in a delicate neon pink script, the words hanging in the darkness for a moment, before they fade into nothingness. Suddenly, the camera zooms out, revealing it’s been in extreme close up on the back of a man’s afro… a man who now spins on his toe, revealing himself to be none other than Cassius Reed, the half-man, half-sports drink who now refers to himself as CA$$IUS!. His afro is styled large, with a purple streak dyed in one side. A pink lightning bolt is painted over his right eye, the same style as the signature lightning bolt ! in the LAZERADE! logo. His eyes are a vivid pink, seemingly due to the use of cosmetic lenses. He wears a pink denim jacket, unbuttoned at the front, with the sleeves torn off, decorated with studs, and black pants with a belt with a pink star buckle. He has a massive grin on his face, and the EXODUS Pacific Coast title draped over one shoulder. The room he’s being broadcast from appears to be quite small, with a black drape hung from the ceiling, obscuring the wall behind him.
Cassius Reed: BOOM! Listen up people! Yo’ Pacific Coast Champion comin’ to yo’ here! CA$$IUS! represents every one of yo’ from San Diego to Portland, an’ beyond!
He stops a moment, to let that sink in.
Cassius Reed: Now those kind folks at LAZERADE! have arranged CA$$IUS! some time for him to come and give you some of his time. Yo’ all see, CA$$IUS! has a story to tell.
He looks to someone off screen.
Cassius Reed: HEY! FLOYD! DO THE THING!
The screen suddenly starts to waver and go cloudy, much like an 80s sitcom flashback sequence. When it stops, the scene from before is replaced by that of Cassius in a large, wingback chair. His makeup and hair in the same as before, but he’s now wear a pink velvet smoking jacket. In one hand, he swills a brandy glass, whilst in the other he holds a large, leather bound book, holding it open on one leg. He has a pair of pince-nez glasses clipped to his nose, as he squints through them to the book. After a few moments, he lets out a hearty chuckle. He stops, and takes a brief sip from his brandy glass, before he stops, seeming to notice the camera for the first time. He smiles.
Cassius Reed: Ahhhh. LAZERADE!..., yo’ just can’t beat it. Oh, look, yo’ seem to have caught CA$$IUS! in a completely unscripted and natural settin’.
He sets down the brandy glass on a side table, before removing the pince-nez from his nose, slipping them into a jacket pocket.
Cassius Reed: Oh, what’s this? Why children, this is the good book. No, not the Bible of LAZERADE!, it ain’t Sunday. No, this is a story, all about how a little boy from Georgia grew up to blow yo’ minds. Yo’ sittin’ comfortably? Get yo’self a chilled LAZERADE!, settle yo’self in a comfy chair, an’ listen up. Yo’ bout to learn some things.
Cassius slams the book shut on his lap, and looks up to the camera.
Cassius Reed: Let CA$$IUS! take yo’ all back. Back, about a year or so. Yo’ see, CA$$IUS would have been sat in a bar, workin’ out what to do wit’ his life. Boxin’ had just turned it’s back on him. He was havin’ to do some heavy thinkin’. An’ so he’s sat there, knockin’ back a cold one and shovellin’ bar nuts by the handful, when somethin’ catches his eye. Up on the little box on the screen, CA$$IUS! spies his baby brother, wrenchin’ the life out some honky. Now CA$$IUS! ain’t gonna lie, he had to check that the barman hadn’t given him Absinthe instead of Coors, because there ain’t no way in hell CA$$IUS! ever expected Little A to turn up in a ring on telly, especially not wrestlin’. So CA$$IUS! ordered himself another beer, kept an eye on the screen, an’ settled in. An’ he watched Little A stand there, an’ get in the face of some little white girl, then some other white girl turn up, an’ then all hell broke loose. An’ yo’ kno’ what CA$$IUS! noticed? Not baby bro an’ his buddies kick the ass of a whole bunch of losers… but every single set of eyes in that arena lookin’ at him. Lookin’ at what he did. Sure, they were booin’. Sure, they threw shit. But they were lookin’. They were watchin’. An’ yo’ kno’ what CA$$IUS! decided that night?
He grins.
Cassius Reed: He decided he weren’t goin’ to let baby brother steal all the limelight. Oh no. CA$$IUS! decided to show the world, whatever Aries can do… he can do better. So that night, CA$$IUS! hatched a plan.
He takes a sip of his drink.
Cassius Reed: So CA$$IUS! sets out the next day, scouts out some schools. CA$$IUS! gonna do this, CA$$IUS! gonna do this right. CA$$IUS! does his homework. Finds out Aries done his schoolin’ in some place in Cali. So CA$$IUS! looks, an’ he searches, an’ he finds the perfect place, some little place in Toronto. Skip forward to the new year, an’ there he stands, in that new class, waitin’ to soak up all the learnin’ that place had to offer. An’, well, those of you that kno’ me kno’, CA$$IUS! always be a quick learner. Now some might say CA$$IUS! had a natural advantage. CA$$IUS! already trained from his boxin’, he already fit, he already in shape. He soars through all the exercise programs with the greatest of ease. An’ not only that, but he’s always had a gift fo’ the sho’, so it don’t take long for CA$$IUS! to climb to the head of that class, they jus’ a bunch of kids who think they can show up, learn how to slam a nigga, an’ be the next Andreas Lasiewicz or Brent Alles or somethin’. But CA$$IUS! knows better.
CA$$IUS! knows yo’ want that brass ring, yo’ gotta reach.
So CA$$IUS! turned up early to every class. He set up that room, he took it down. He spent every hour he could in that gym, workin’ wit’ anyone who he could bother to workin’ wit’ him. An’ the flakes flaked out. People broke themselves. The chaff got separated. An’ yo’ kno’ who was left standin’? CA$$IUS!. Yo’ know, they tried to even give him some school masked gimmick when the class was up, but CA$$IUS! had his own plans.
Cassius takes a long sip of the LAZERADE! in the brandy glass. He smiles.
Cassius Reed: Yo’ see, back in his boxing heyday, CA$$IUS! had fought more than his fair share of bouts below the border. An’ in doin’ so… let’s say CA$$IUS! came to know people who… ran things. Now CA$$IUS!, he always been on the up an’ up, don’t get him wrong. But a couple of things were done, a couple of favors owed, an’ suddenly CA$$IUS! hears that a new company openin’. Jus’ the other side of the thick, black line, to where Little A runnin’ ‘round an’ kickin’ up controversy. An’ owned by his old… associates. Now CA$$IUS! ain’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth as much as he is to swagger up an’ knock it the funk out. So CA$$IUS! got his own mask. Made his own identity. An’t things south of the border got a load more Funky. An’ why? Why did CA$$IUS! do this?
He smiles.
Cassius Reed: CA$$IUS! don’t need tell yo’ that. Yo’ all seen that. Funky walked into that ring, an’ CA$$IUS! walked out. CA$$IUS! proved to the world that he was better than Little A. But more than that? When he knocked SCHLOMO the funk out, an’ took that tin plated strap. CA$$IUS! proved he better than most.
Cassius stops, and brings a hand to his ear. He looks confused, curious even.
Cassius Reed: But CA$$IUS!, I hear you cry, why this story is an amazing tale of triumph that should win yo’ an oscar, why yo’ tellin’ us now? Why, people, CA$$IUS! is glad yo’ asked.
He looks off screen.
Cassius Reed: HEY FLOYD, DO THE OTHER THING!
He looks to the screen once more, waving bye bye, as the 80s flashback ripples return, obscuring him, before the fade to Cassius, as we saw him before, but now seemingly standing in the void of space, the Milky Way spinning behind him. He looks up at the camera, and yells, inordinately happy with himself.
Cassius Reed: YEAH, BITCHES! THAT SWEET LAZERADE! DOLLAR PAY FOR MORE THAN KEEPIN’ CA$$IUS! IN THE MANNER TO WHICH HE HAS BECOME ACCUSTOMED! I GOT GREEN SCREEN!
Almost as if the prove his point, the background changes, to that of a heated battle scene, armies of knights doing battle with demons.
Cassius Reed: Come on, admit it, yo’ all impressed. Now where was CA$$IUS!?
The background changes to a library.
Cassius Reed: Oh yeah! Thanks magical background lady! So yeah, CA$$IUS! tell yo’ his story for more than provin’ how awesome he is. CA$$IUS! educatin’ yo’ people for a reason. Yo’ see, there plenty of people who look at CA$$IUS! an’ straight out dismiss him. They say he all style, no substance. They say he just another Reed. They say he don’t actually care ‘bout this, that he goofs off. They say he don’t respect his opponent, like this week, people sayin’ he dismissed Sydney outta hand, because, CA$$IUS! don’t know, cause she in (R)Evo or she don’t look as fine in pink as him or some other mamma jammin' piece of shit reason. Yo’ know what? All those bitches wanna stop puttin’ words in CA$$IUS!’s mouth, less he puts his fist in theirs.
The background changes to rolling cloud, slowly changing from peaceful white to a storm laden black.
Cassius Reed: No, CA$$IUS! tol’ yo’ all that story so yo’ all kno’ that CA$$IUS! is all ‘bout this game. CA$$IUS! changed his whole career to jus’ get in this game. He done the first this, accomplished his first plan: he proved to all that he better than Aries, when he beat his ass, an’ unmasked. He accomplished his second mission when he won this belt.
The background changes to be a close up of the front of the EXODUS Pacific Coast Title.
Cassius Reed: Now, it ain’t enough to prove to yo’ all that CA$$IUS! better than Aries. It ain’t enough to prove that he better than most. No, CA$$IUS! got a new plan. To prove he’s the best. Period. An’ yo’ kno’ what? This seems like as good a chance as any to start.
He smiles.
Cassius Reed: Now, yo’ gotta understand one thing. CA$$IUS! ain’t one fo’ this ace nonsense. This wrestlin’, not blackjack. CA$$IUS! don’t care if yo’ an ace or the ten of clubs. But the bigwigs, they think that important. So CA$$IUS! lookin’ to prove he better than (R)Evolution’s Ace. Please, yo’ think CA$$IUS! so shallow as to make this whole thing about him rockin’ this look better than Canadian She-Hulk? That’s a side project. Yo’ all think CA$$IUS! is so one dimensional? Bitch please, CA$$IUS! got more layers than a onion.
He clicks his fingers, and the background changes once more, to images of Sydney Christensen at work. You could even define it as a montage of some of her finest moments, as the VT only exposes her at her very best.
Cassius Reed: If CA$$IUS! learned only one thing from his time in laced gloves an’ baggy shorts, it’s that to be the best, yo’ gotta beat the best. An’ that ain’t always who’s holdin’ a belt. Plenty of reasons to downplay the best. Missed opportunities. Wrong place at the right time. Politics. CA$$IUS! seen it all. Yo’ ask anyone in (R)Evo. Yo’ ask anyone who watches (R)Evo. Yo’ ask ‘em who the best there is. CA$$IUS! promises yo’ 8 outta 10 gunna say this fine piece of Canadian Bacon. Look. At. Her. She kno’ what she doin’. She got it. An’ what CA$$IUS! gotta do, at Convergence, is prove to all yo’ that he better than that.
He gestures over his shoulder, to video of Sydney at (R) To The Core II applying the ALPHA-16 to Elizabeth Lannister.
Cassius Reed: An’ that a tall order. CA$$IUS! means literally, look at the size of her. But yo’ know what? This ain’t no pity trip. CA$$IUS! made this match for one reason: to prove himself, an’ to test himself. CA$$IUS! ain’t walkin’ into this match thinkin’ he ain’t winnin’. CA$$IUS! wouldn’t have offered to put the prize on the line if that were the case. What yo’ see is CA$$IUS! givin’ himself the incentive needed. The incentive needed to go all out, an’ to prove to yo’ all that CA$$IUS! more than just an exquisitely carved hunk of chocolate who has an exquisite taste in rehydratin’ sports drinks.
He pauses a moment..
Cassius Reed: FLOYD, YO’ KNO’ THE DEAL BY NOW!
The image behind Cassius is replaced by the image of him in the studio we opened on. The Cassius in the background is waving at the Cassius in front of the greenscreen. The Cassius in front quickly looks to the camera.
Cassius Reed: Woah! REEDCEPTION!
The Cassius in front of the screen winks to the camera, before disappearing with a Star Trek style teleport effect, returning us back to the Cassius in the studio.
Cassius Reed: At Convergence, CA$$IUS! gonna start provin’ to each an’ every one of yo’ what he already knows: that he is the best. An’ to do that, CA$$IUS! is playin’ on hard mode. She may have an Ace, but CA$$IUS! goin’ All-In, an’ yo better kno’ that he got plenty in his hand. CA$$IUS! knows she strong. She technical. But CA$$IUS! quick. An’ CA$$IUS! hits hard. But yo’ kno’ what else? CA$$IUS! got somethin’ she ain’t, an’ she can’t have… CA$$IUS! a Reed. An’ the thing about Reeds, we learn to live wit’ disappointment from a young age. An’ CA$$IUS! done wit’ disappointment.
He smiles, and slowly spreads his arms.
Cassius Reed: CA$$IUS! ticked off his first two plans. But this now his biggest plan. The master plan. An’ wit’ Plan A an’ Plan B out the way, yo’ know what?
He holds the moment in the air a moment, letting the electricity build around him.
Cassius Reed: Yo’ gotta have faith in Plan C!
With this, he drops his arms fast, as pyros simultaneously explode behind him, showering in sparks, as the black drape covering the back wall drops, revealing the LAZERADE! logo graffitied on it. He tilts his head back, laughing, as he showers in the sparks. He bathes in them a moment, before a cartoon piece of string drops, superimposed on the video. Over the top of the still running video, the Chibi CA$$IUS! strolls on screen, whistling. The real Cassius notices, and runs forward, trying to stop it, but is too slow, as the Chibi CA$$IUS! pulls the cartoon string, bringing a black background down like a roller blind. He pulls an animated bottle of LAZERADE! out of a pocket, before spinning it around in his fingers, and blowing the top like a cowboy blowing the smoke from his gun. He looks to the screen, and winks as he speaks.
Chibi CA$$IUS!: Remember kids! Green screen an’ pyros both big an’ clever. An’ of course, buy LAZERADE!, bitches!
With this, the Chibi CA$$IUS! throws up the peace sign from before, before he too fades to black.