Post by Shinji Uchikawa on Nov 20, 2015 0:15:36 GMT -6
//wait, wait, 'cause i'm coming back from this...//
He looked at himself in the mirror.
For two years, the weight of expectation has fallen on the shoulders of Shinji Uchikawa. The expectation to come home to Japan a better wrestler than when he started.
The expectation to be the prodigy of Kazuma Fujita and now Jonathan Collins.
Even the expectations placed upon him by Genji Yamato, the man who had taken a keen eye to him after emerging from years of the shadows.
The last year had been hell. The rise and fall of KJPW (again), the struggle to maintain form, but most of all, he had found himself embroiled he was seemingly incapable of winning. Unable to divorce his heart from the fact that this was a man as close as a brother to him, the evolution of Shozo Arino into the monstrous SHOZO had broken Shinji's heart in ways that even his beloved Destiny couldn't repair. And now, with all of this in his rear view mirror, he knew that he couldn't just let himself leave SHOZO out there. Shinji had watched two people he loved dearly become victims at the hands of this monster, and he just couldn't do it anymore.
As strong as the projection was, he knew that he couldn't do it much longer. He had to do it though, he didn't have a choice.
For his friend Tom Higashikata.
For the love of his life, Eleanor McKinley.
But more than anything, Shinji Uchikawa had to get himself to a place where he knew he could be okay again. It was for that reason that on this night, he found himself talking to one of the few faces he knew could be neutral and honest with him.
It was the reason he was sitting here with Chikao Kessin.
"Good food," Kessin said through bites of his steak as he looked over at Shinji.
"You are like sister of Collins-san who enjoys restaurants that are not formal," Shinji said, using his fork to bat bites of food around, not sure what to say at this point.
"She is...smart. Eccentric, but smart. Mostly eccentric," Kessin replied to Shinji dismissively, chewing his food as he glanced at the younger man. "You have a question. Speak to me."
"You once found the heart to turn on a friend of yours, a partner. A brother," Shinji remarked, worry in his eyes as he knew he was approaching what could easily be a sensitive topic to him.
"Indeed. Yoshida was indeed a brother of mine," Kessin responded casually, as if he had no remorse over the action.
"Why did you do it? How could you do it?" Shinji asked him. There was a moment of silence between the two men, and before Shinji could sigh in a moment of hopelessness, the sound of his fork hitting his plate was heard, and Kessin looked at him, his glare screaming more things in the silence than Kessin's words ever could vocalize.
"There are things in this world we do, so that we may be free of our demons. We make these decisions not because we wish to disconnect ourselves from the bond with that person, but to free ourselves to become better than we were prior to that. With Yoshida, I was Sumo Brother, not strong. Not champion. Without him? I am BIG BOSS. I am here in America," Kessin told him, keeping a look at Shinji. "This is about Arino."
"Yes," Shinji told him, looking downward and ashamed for approaching Kessin for this opinion and advice.
"Are you upset I have come to you?" Shinji asked him, quietly.
"No. Upset because this is not you," Kessin told him. "You tell people you great hero. You explain to them you are Sentinel. Sentinel is protector, he stands watch. If you are to protect and stand watch, then you must find strength to stay put. SHOZO defeats you, you run. You take SHOZO to limit, you run. Sooner or later, no place to run. All that is left is you and SHOZO."
"I can't destroy him. He is my brother, and I have to sa--" he started before Kessin curled his hand into a fist and slammed it against the table.
"Some people cannot be saved. Look at the body count. Look at the people that have been hurt because you could not find the strength. Maybe you do not want to see it, maybe others do not blame you, but the blood is on your hands. This is your demon, and you can either let it destroy the world, or you can destroy it. It's up to you to find that strength," he said to Shinji, pointing at him now after picking up his fork. "Are you Sentinel, or are you the great coward?"
"I...Kessin, I implore you," Shinji said quietly.
"I see. You are coward. Not strong. Is this the legacy Fujita leaves us? The one he insisted would be the greatest of his students, and you sit here cowering and afraid to do right thing. I am disappointed," Kessin said, dismissively, reaching for his glass of water to drink as the waitress came by. "Another drink, another steak. My friend here is paying."
And for a moment, Shinji was silent. Whether he wanted to admit it deep down inside, or whether he wanted to scream he was wrong, it was irrelevant. Chikao Kessin had a point.
And that was why something had to give.
//memories of life and loss exist...//
"I do not know know if I'm the one you wish for," he said.
"I tell you I am brave. I do not know if I am right anymore," he says quietly, ashamed of himself. "I feel like we must part ways, because as much as my heart would break, it would not be right for me to keep you here. I feel as if I deceive you, and because of how I feel, I do not know if my heart could bear that," he added, and he looked up.
He couldn't even say the words to his own reflection, the words that would effectively end his relationship with Eleanor, the girl most knew as Destiny Starshine. "I knew you'd understand," he mumbled before hearing the door open to the apartment. With Tom moving back to Japan, he gave the extra key to Destiny, who had come in, and he knew that he had no choice. He had to do this now, but he understood that it would break his heart. When he walked out to the other room, he saw her, and then things made sense.
Shinji Uchikawa didn't have to be frustrated with fear.
Shinji Uchikawa was capable of saving the day and being afraid. The two things were not mutually exclusive.
Shinji Uchikawa, for what it was worth, was the only one who could do this. He had to finish off the man who was once his brother.
And to do that, he didn't have to evolve...
...he just had to find what was in his heart that made him a hero to begin with.
//and i could remember, yes i will always remember...//
I understand now, SHOZO.
I understand the things you've been telling me for the past year.
See, I do believe that Evolution is necessary. Some people call it development. Some call it growth. Whatever it is, we must all make changes and shed our skin to become the person we were meant to be. You believe you were meant to be a killer, I believe I am meant to be a protector.
We are now on the eve of our final encounter, a match that will surely cost me my bond with the man who has done so much for my career, Kazuma Fujita. He has exiled others for less. People have had the doors to his kingdom closed for this transgression, but here I am, accepting my fate. Whether or not I have the blessing of Fujita-san is unknown, but there are times in this world where you have to do something not because you have the blessing of others, but because it is simply the right thing.
SHOZO, you have been left unchecked for too long. Yes, I understand that you have faced consequences with The Imperium, but it doesn't mean a thing to you. Being brutalized by them means nothing because it is not personal. For the better part of a year, you have made our war personal. You have ostracized your father from this company. You have alienated yourself from friends by turning on the ones who believed in your message. You tried to chase me from this company by not just hurting me, but hurting the people that I love. And for what, SHOZO? For what was this, Arino-san?
Because you were alone. Alone, afraid, and you felt betrayed.
Because you felt sinned against.
Because you were not told the entire story.
You have turned good intentions into madness. The road to hell is paved with all those things, and you have cleared the way for you to be condemned. Whether I wish it was someone else, I understand it must be me. And it has to be me, because that's what this all came down to in your mind. My betrayal was the final straw for you, though I wish you truly understood in my heart my choices.
I didn't believe in senseless violence.
I didn't believe we had to destroy everything that came before us.
I didn't believe in your form of evolution. And now here we are.
You have tried to break me, SHOZO, and I have stood firm, despite my fears and reservations. It is only now that I realize what I need to do, even if it breaks my heart. The hardest thing and the right thing are often one in the same, and that is why this must happen.
SHOZO, I will end your reign of terror and fear at The Autumn Effect, but I will not kill you. Killing you only plays into your wishes. Killing you only gives you what you want. That would reward you for your crimes.
No, Shozo Arino, I will not do that.
I will force you to live your life. I will beat your senses back into you, so that you can realize your crimes and live with the guilt. I want you to live with the knowledge of all the lives you have broken and hurt, and for what? For what crime was Simon Raines guilty of? For what crime was Eleanor guilty of? Or Noriaki? Your list of victims were innocent, as they did nothing to you. They were never the ones that committed a sin against you, and yet you made them victims.
Well here I am. I wronged you by severing our bond. Take that anger and rage and use it against me if you must, but you will not destroy me. A wise man once told me that you cannot kill things you did not create, and you didn't create me. You did not make me the man I am, and I am not the one who broke you, even if you'd like to pin your pain on me.
But I will be the one to stop you after all this. For EXODUS, for my friends.
This is what it has come down to, SHOZO. One last encounter, and I know that in our wildest dreams, we never expected this. And I realize what has happened the first two times I have been in the ring with you. But now I have no choice but to succeed. I have no choice but to end your madness, because you cannot be my ghost. You cannot be the cloud hanging over me, nor can I be that weight on your shoulder.
Do you really and truly believe it has to be like this? If you do, then my heart goes out to you. Even if you feel that way, I do not...but even so, I will fight because I understand my duty here. I understand what must be done.
But I am not your winter, your darkest days.
I hope that you can see that it is only through defeat that you have a chance of survival.
So spill my blood, and I will return in kind.
Strike me down, and I will come back stronger.
I will do it, not because my friends or EXODUS need a hero.
I will do it, because someone has to save you from yourself.
//the way you used to be...//