EXPRO On FX #3

The scene opens up after commercial to show EXODUS personality Tom Matheny striding down a sprawling corridor, carrying a stack of E-PRO emblazoned prompt cards in one hand, and a microphone in the other. Slowing to a stroll, he stops in front of a door marked "G&M", before beginning to speak.

Tom Matheny: Ladies and gentleman, this is EXPRO on FX! If you're just joining us, we've gotten word that Magnus Gunner and Ryuji Kamigawa will address their recent attacks on Kliff Ulysses, and their plans for EXODUS, and I for one can't wait! First things first though, the Loaded Pistol himself has requested this time....

He slides his hand across the wooden door as he finishes his sentence.

Tom Matheny: And here we are at the Gods and Monsters dressing room, because he has --in his words-- some grievances to air out. As you all know, Kliff Ulysses cost the Loaded Pistol the main event two weeks ago against Sally Talfourd, and preceded to attack him. He can't exactly be pleased about the loss and what transpired afterward.

Knocking on the door three times, Matheny straightens himself up before staring back at the camera.

Tom Matheny: And if you miss this exclusive, this interview will be on the EXODUS website, and you can find the links on our official twitter account @exoduswrestling!

On that note, the door opens and the aforementioned Michigander steps forth, joining Matheny in the aisle, swinging the door shut with authority. Grinning somewhat, he takes the microphone from Matheny, and shoves him out of the camera shot.

Magnus Gunner: I don't need you here for this Thomas, I merely requested the camera and the microphone, not the mouthpiece... you serve no purpose, remove yourself from my presence.

Looking straight into the camera, Gunner's voice lowers in register as he takes a more serious, grave tone.

Magnus Gunner: Yes, EXODUS, Magnus CHRISTUM FUROR has once again vindicated your worthless lives with my illustrious presence, and tonight as your only hero, I'm going to show you exactly what true heroism is... but firstly, I must set a few things straight...

Ever since Sally Talfourd had her arm raised in victory, I've only heard of how great the Turks are, how undefeated, and unbeatable they are, and how futile our efforts, and by that I mean EXODUS as a whole, have been to defeat them. Yet I implore you, take you back mere weeks ago, when I ALLOWED them to walk out with the Tag Team Championships. They are paper champions, operating on borrowed time, under an illusion that they've earned their keep and their namesake, and the right to hold those championships. Sally, I gave you the chance to impress me two weeks ago, and to some degree you did, however it stands to reason that I remind you exactly how your most recent triumphs have been gained... through questionable means, through distractions.. through MAGNUS GUNNER begin occupied with more important things... by one man being the physical embodiment of your window of opportunity...

And surely your pride as an elite competitor will allow you to thank Kliff Ulysses for that, right?

Gunner cracks a grin, then offers a quizzical look at the camera before turning to the side, continuing his spiel.

Magnus Gunner: Kliff Ulysses, I never had a problem with you brother, I never had a grievance with you when you were fighting Jonathan Collins tooth and nail, when you had a backbone, when you stood up against he and Fiona Rourke for the horrible things they had done to you, for the pain they've caused you and the mud they've thrown at you, tarnishing your name. I could see you becoming the man you dreamed of becoming, I could see you standing tall at the top of THIS mountain, standing beside me, reigning supreme, but the second you bent over and accepted his propaganda --throwing yourself down to his will, surrendering your soul and mind to the greatest politician in the history of mankind... the DEVIL INCARNATE -- I lost every grain of respect and hope for you... I began to hate you. You were once the greatest man I had ever known, but now you've been reduced to a puppet, on the end of a string, dancing to Jonathan's sworded dance, entranced in the sycophancy.

He leaves a gap of silence to let his last remark resonate with the masses, staring down the camera lens, that little smirk once again flashing before starting up once again.

Magnus Gunner: Hell, brother, I'll just say it: you've lost your way. You've become weak. You've forgotten who you are. You're a masquerader, a charader, a phony. You once had a mind for senseless violence, and if you had more of a mind you'd be the unequivocal KING OF IT. In many ways when I look at you, I see what would have been for me had I continued to listen to those who have mastered their minds, controlled their faculties; in the ring you're still a formidable opponent, but outwith you've been reduced to nothing more than a former shell of yourself, imprisoned by your crisis of identity, bound to the façade that you've created that you're NORMAL... that you're NOT a monster! LOOK WHAT AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO US BROTHER!

Shaking his head, he quickly moves on.

Magnus Gunner: A hero has the ability to turn vision into reality, to see the falsehood and reject it, and seek the truth and adhere to it. I have done so, I have that capacity, I have clearly shown it every time I've stepped foot in a ring, and I'd definitely say Jonathan Collins has it TOO. Of course. He's the QUINTESSENTIAL politician, manipulating you weak minded lost children, selling you dreams and elusive brass rings that you will never capture, just to FEED his ego. Without me Kliff, you are nothing -had I not been your friend, your brother, your descent into this depreciated state, this inferior form of yourself would have been all but guaranteed to happen.. quicker. I tried to stop it. I sensed the cracks in your psyche, but I myself was TOO weak mentally, that I didn't have the power or conviction to FREE your mind, considering the fact that I myself was brainwashed.

BUT I have finally, ultimately mastered my mind brother, and in doing so, have uncovered the secrets of EVERYONE around me... because through THIS power, I can see what things you hide in your unconscious mind... I can SEE the thoughts, the pain, and the truth that you all try to hide... I CAN SEE WHAT'S BENEATH YOUR MASKS!

And Ulysses, tonight, you're going to find out why.... your funeral is set for No Church in the Wild... but the matter of which the ceremony is conducted has yet to be revealed.... yet somehow Kliff I know that you know, that I already know that you know what your fate entails.... you know that the illusion that you've created will be shattered... and that ALL WILL BE HELL....

On that note, Gunner poses in his trademark crucifix, smiling maniacally as the feed returns back to ringside.

Dick Morosi: Some haunting words from Magnus Gunner.

Seth Ericson: I'd hate to be Kliff Ulysses at this point.

Dick Morosi: Speaking of Kliff, he's coming up next when he does battle against newcomer Joshua Sullivan!

The arena goes dark and the crowd livens up. Smoke slowly begins to billow from the stage as the music picks up. The guitar riff cuts through the air as the drums kick in.

All non-believers stand aside in fear
A new day's marching through the door
How could you ever think you'd make it here?
Did it bleed? Was it sore?
Through the struggles you've endured.

A spotlight hits the center of the ring, slowly making its way down the aisle to the stage.

You've come so far from innocence
Provided all the consequence
Only what does it matter now?

Kliff Ulysses explodes from the curtain at the chorus, greeting the audience with open arms to raucous cheer and applause.

David Zinkus: The following contest is schedule for one fall! Introducing first, from St. Paul, Minnesota; weighing in at two hundred and twenty-two pounds...he is “The Ultimate Entertainer,” KLIIIIIFFFFFFFF...ULYSSEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Cause you're going home
You're running free
As only you would be if you never owed them anything

He cheers out to the fans. Going down the way touching them, high fiving them, and even hugging one as he triumphantly makes his way down.

And now you've found your way out
In the trust you've seen your path on home

Ulysses rounds the corner to the right, continuing his way of engaging any fan available as he takes his long path to the opposite side of the ring.

Spend your time well before you go
Here in hell

Kliff leapt up onto the apron, ascending to the top turnbuckle and looking out to the fans with that memorable grin on his face as he rolled back over into the ring, leaning back into the turnbuckle waiting anxiously.

Dick Morosi: This crowd is absolutely loving the new attitude of Kliff Ulysses!

Seth Ericson: I don't know about you, but this pandering to the crowd Ulysses is hardly the type of thing I expected from him! I want the old bloodthirsty back! I want the Cruel One!

Dick Morosi: Then you're probably more interested in this guy...

The lights dim, and quickly music starts on the PA System...



Lights that resemble flashbulbs start to go off around the entrance, leading for the entrance of "The Main Event" Joshua Sullivan. Flanked by his agent/manager/gopher Danica Monroe and Chandra Westbrook, Sullivan stops to pose as the flashbulbs continue to go off. Starting to strut down to the ring as security steps to his side, he walks down, making sure security does its job to keep fans from him.

David Zinkus: And his opponent, from Tampa Bay, Florida; weighing in at two hundred and twenty-three pounds...he is “The Main Event,” JOSHUAAAAAAA...SULLIVAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!

Finally at ringside, Sullivan hops up on the apron as the lights dim. As soon as he gets into the ring, a spotlight shines on him as he drops to a knee, doing a "Tebow" like pose while sparklers go off behind him. The lights come back on and Sullivan starts to stand back up, smirking as he waits for the match to begin.

Singles Match
Joshua Sullivan vs. Kliff Ulysses

Dick Morosi: This is easily one of the most obnoxious people in EXODUS Pro Wrestling right now.

Seth Ericson: He can be as obnoxious as he wants as long as he keeps bringing that hot blonde with him!

As both Kliff and Joshua then begin to circle around the ring, suddenly, the tranquil and quiet ambiance in the arena before the bell is poisoned by the sound of "The Quiet Place" by In Flames which rumbles onto the P.A. system. The aforementioned arena is quickly filled with boos and waves of hatred filled jeers as the curtains begin to sway ever so slightly; all eyes feast themselves upon the said commotion at the entryway, followed by a sudden increase in the crowd's negative uproar which signals the emergence of the Loaded Pistol, Magnus Gunner. Kliff’s eyes immediately dart to the entrance, watching as Gunner makes his way down the ramp with a confident smirk on his face, glancing at Ulysses for the briefest of moments before making his way around the ring and to the announcers’ table, pulling himself a seat and eventually placing on a pair of headphones to join Dick Morosi and Seth Ericson.

Dick Morosi: Apparently we're being joined at ringside and at the commentary booth by Magnus Gunner.

Magnus Gunner: Is this an issue, Dick?

Seth Ericson: Just ignore him, Gunner, it's helped me through the bulk of our partnership.

As the bell finally rings, Ulysses is still mildly distracted by Gunner’s presence within his vicinity and Joshua Sullivan sees his window of opportunity as he goes flying on the attack with forearms and kicks, backing Kliff into the corner. Joshua begins to ram Ulysses with elbows, forcing Kliff into a seated position and forcing the ref to intervene and start a count, forcing Sullivan’s attack to stop by the time he reaches four. Joshua takes a few steps back, waiting for Kliff to pull himself back to his feet and when he does, Sullivan takes off running and nails Ulysses with a leaping corner clothesline that catches the veteran Ulysses in full and brings him crashing down to the mat after the impact. Sitting in between the ropes, Sullivan grins widely, wiping his hands away as the crowd in the RIMAC thoroughly disapproves of the young man’s antics.

Magnus Gunner: As big as my problem is with Kliff, this kid is a fool if he thinks he can show off like that and posture for the crowd while Kliff is still breathing.

Dick Morosi: Sounds like you have a great deal of respect for your adversary's skills.

Magnus Gunner: Before he was my enemy, he was my brother. I know what he's capable of.

Seth Ericson: He better be capable of stopping Sullivan from going to the high rent district!

Sullivan gradually climbs up to the top rope, standing up in full and measuring Kliff up before leaping down, connecting with a fist drop to Kliff’s skull. From that position, he hooks Ulysses’ left leg and we have our first pinfall attempt of the match:

ONE!

TWO!

Kliff brings up the shoulder at two and Sullivan stays on the attack, pounding Kliff with forearms to the head before bringing him back to his feet, backing him against the corner and nailing Ulysses with an extra forearm for good measure before irish whipping him off the ropes. On the return, Sullivan lowers his body as if to attempt a back body drop, but instead, he gets a swift kick from Kliff’s right leg to the chest, bringing him back to his feet and staggering him. Gritting his teeth, Kliff begins to fight back with a series of knife-edged chops that bring Joshua to screaming in agony while he’s forced back to the ropes. Kliff takes him from the ropes and into the corner, catching Sullivan an elbow to his face, which is followed by a loud, painful scream followed by “JESUS CHRIST, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE HITTING ME IN THE FACE?!?!” As Sullivan puts his arms up, Ulysses drives his knee right into Joshua’s sternum before he irish whips Sullivan into the opposite turnbuckle. Kliff takes off from his end of the ring and connects with a corner clothesline, still keeping close to Sullivan as he then follows it with a picture-perfect snap suplex to Joshua Sullivan before covering him.

ONE!

TWO!

Sullivan kicks out at two!

Dick Morosi: Kliff narrowly picks up the victory there!

Seth Ericson: Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, Dick! Kliff's gonna have to do more than that to take him out.

Magnus Gunner: He better hope that Kliff isn't in the zone right now like it seems to be...

Kliff glances around, bringing Sullivan up by the hair before he takes a punch to Sullivan’s face. The rookie naturally brings his arms up at the ready and Ulysses takes advantage by slipping behind the rookie, placing his own arms around the back of his neck and in one smooth motion, connecting with a dragon suplex to Sullivan, in which he keeps the bridge for the cover.

ONE!

TWO!

TH- But Sullivan manages to kick out at the nick of time.

Kliff doesn’t waste any time in bringing Joshua back to his feet from the mat, leaning him against the ropes and irish whipping him off from them. On his way back, Sullivan manages to duck under a clothesline attempt just in time and as he returns on the second go-around, Ulysses lowers his own body and lifts Sullivan over his head. But in an impressive display of athleticism, Joshua lands on his feet and as Ulysses turns around, he gets caught with a picture-perfect dropkick from “The Main Event” that gets some jaws in the RIMAC to drop in amazement at the height of the damn thing.

Dick Morosi: What elevation from Joshua Sullivan!

Seth Ericson: And there's the posturing again!

But instead of going for the cover, Sullivan poses for the crowd, pointing to himself and how awesome he basically is after that dropkick. After taking those few extra seconds to show off, Joshua returns his attentions to Ulysses as he is getting back to his feet and gets on right behind him, connecting with a Russian Leg Sweep to floor the “Ultimate Entertainer” once again, before following it with a sound knee drop to Ulysses’ head. Quickly, he covers Kliff Ulysses yet again.

ONE!

TWO!

TH- Kliff gets the shoulder up.

Pounding the mat in frustration, Sullivan glances at the referee, holding three fingers while the ref responds in turn by holding two fingers. Shaking his head, Joshua looks over at Kliff and places him on a side headlock, as the crowd at the RIMAC begins to react accordingly, shouting their encouragement towards Kliff Ulysses and beginning to gradually clap together.

Magnus Gunner: Listen to these sheep, cheering and bleating for Kliff like it matters. They just follow who Collins tells them to cheer for.

Dick Morosi: You seem to think these people can't choose who to cheer for.

Magnus Gunner: These people aren't enlightened, Dick. It's my job, and the job of my good friend Kamigawa, to help these beasts walk upright. We're on another plane from them, and now we're going to make them open their eyes.

Dick Morosi: Maybe Joshua Sullivan should right now, because Kliff's starting to come back!

The encouragement seems to work just enough, as Kliff begins to react, slowly but surely making his way back to his feet from a seating position, as Sullivan still holds on to the headlock. The clapping and cheering grows louder, as Kliff finally begins to fight with a set of elbows to Sullivan’s sternum, before he reaches with his arms around the back of Joshua’s head and drops to a seating position, Sullivan’s jaw hitting Ulysses’ shoulder and forcing him to break the hold as he staggers back yet again. Kliff immediately is back on his feet, following up his attack with a series of kicks to Joshua’s midsection and knees before the “Ultimate Entertainer” irish whips Sullivan into the corner with enough velocity to send the young man stumbling backwards after he hits it chest-first. Ulysses breaks off on a run towards the ropes, springboarding off the second rope and catching Sullivan with a MASSIVE Disaster kick to the face. Kliff then hooks the leg and goes for the cover:

ONE!

TWO!

THR- NO!!!! Sullivan gets the shoulder up just in time!

Dick Morosi: What resilience from the rookie!

Breathing in, Kliff lets go from the cover and simply drags Sullivan to the nearest turnbuckle, bringing him back to his feet and against the turnbuckle, a knife-edged chop from the veteran keeping the young rookie at bay before Kliff begins to deliver well-timed, massive elbow shots to the face of Joshua Sullivan in which the crowd at the RIMAC begins to count along:

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
NINE!

Kliff breaks the streak of elbows and he backs upt, going to the center of the ring before making a mad dash forward, jumping up and springing off the ropes for extra elevation. But instead of caving the tenth elbow on Sullivan, he stops himself as Joshua seems to pull the referee in front of him. The ref has some choice words for Sullivan’s little stint as he holds his hands up and just as the referee turns to face Ulysses, Joshua finds the appropriate timing to sneak in a thumb to the eye of Kliff Ulysses completely unnoticed, which sends the veteran back a few steps and gives Sullivan enough time to break on a run to the ropes and nail the “Ultimate Entertainer” with a massive Kenka Kick to the jaw!

Seth Ericson: There it is! That's veteran savvy only a student from the Stryke Dojo could learn!

Dick Morosi: He used the referee for distraction to help turn the tide in his favor!

Magnus Gunner: At least it was effective.

Shortly after it, instead of going for the cover, Joshua Sullivan simply holds on to his jaw, wincing in pain at the elbow shots he ate in a row and shaking his head, an angry expression taking over the young man as he brings Kliff Ulysses to a seating position and begins to slap him across the face again and again, cursing his name under the sun in the process for trying to ruin his ridiculously good-looking looks. Sullivan pats his elbow and screams “TIME TO MAKE THE ANGEL ARM EVEN BETTER” at the RIMAC, leaving Kliff in his seated position as he takes off towards the ropes and climbs up to the top rope, patting his forearm and beckoning Kliff Ulysses to get back to his feet. Slowly and with the assistance of the ropes, still feeling the effects of the O.N.Y.D. he just took, Kliff is eventually back to his feet. As he turns to look for Sullivan, Joshua taunts the “Ultimate Entertainer” one more time before he leaps off the top rope with a diving forearm attempt...BUT SOMEHOW, ULYSSES CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR!!!!

Dick Morosi: LOOK AT THAT! ULYSSES IS SETTING HIM UP!

While he stumbles back two steps after catching him, Kliff keeps a hold of Sullivan with both hands and transitions him into a fireman’s carry position, as the crowd in the RIMAC Arena comes unglued as Kliff Ulysses then swings Sullivan out into a cutter in one big, fast swing and floors the young rookie with his variation of the TKO!

Dick Morosi: Farewell to Kings! It's over!

Magnus Gunner: Impressive.

Ulysses gradually turns Sullivan over and makes the cover, as the crowd counts along:

ONEEEEE!!!!!

TWOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bell rings and the crowd roars in approval as Kliff lets go of the cover and gradually stands back to his feet, his right hand still holding on to his jaw as the referee lifts his left arm out in victory.

David Zinkus: Here’s your winner...KLIIIIIFFFFFFFF ULYSSEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Dick Morosi: Ulysses picks up a huge victory with the Farewell to Kings!

Seth Ericson: Sullivan was fair game tonight, but Kliff Ulysses was just a little better tonight!

Winner: Kliff Ulysses

"The Running Free" continues to play as Ulysses celebrates, all while Magnus Gunner stands at the announce table clapping. Kliff dares his rival to get into the ring with him and face him, but Gunner continues to stand down, walking back toward the ramp and back up it, still clapping in appreciation for Kliff's work.

Dick Morosi: Gunner deciding to pick his spots here.

Seth Ericson: You have to admit that's pretty smart on his end, waiting to see when the right time will arise to face him.

Dick Morosi: For now, let's take it backstage!

The scene cuts back to the office of Nicholas Gray and Papa Arino. Gray is sitting at his desk with Arino standing closely behind him.

Nicholas Gray: So what else can we make it rain..any ideas, Papa?

Papa Arino gives a grunt.

Papa Arino: MAKE IT RAIN!

Nicholas Gray: Yes…but what?

Papa Arino: Tears of our enemies.

Gray scratches his chin for a moment then nods as he scribbles it down on his legal pad.

Nicholas Gray: What about bacon? We could make it rain bacon into a pit and have the hastag Bacon Pit match!

The fans in the RIMAC start chanting “BACON PIT”. However, Papa Arino smacks him in the back of the head.

Papa Arino: No! That is stupid idea! WE MAKE IT RAIN!

The door suddenly opens. Stephen Nair walks in with an orange envelope in his hands.

Papa Arino: I do not recall inviting Daddy Issues Boy.

Nicholas Gray: Neither do I. Maybe he’s come to ask you to be his new daddy, Papa.

Papa Arino: Sorry, I only Papa to successful people. I’m not here to solve daddy issues.

Nicholas Gray: Isn’t there someone on this roster with a psychology degree? Maybe you can talk to that person and leave us to business. We are trying to make it rain.

Stephen Nair shakes his head.

Stephen Nair: Are you done making jokes?

Papa Arino: No. We make it rain and say mean things at expense of Daddy Issues Boy.

Nicholas Gray: What do you want, Nair Jr.?

Stephen just drops the envelope on the desk.

Stephen Nair: Dropping off your very own court summons. You’re being sued for illegally signing paperwork. You’re to be at court tomorrow afternoon. If you do not show, you will have a warrant out for your arrest and forfeit the company to my fa…client, Mr. Edward Nair. Have a good day, gentlemen.

Before either man can respond, Stephen Nair was already on the other side of the closed door. Gray looks at Papa. Papa looks at Gray then the envelope.

Papa Arino: Why does he have to get his daddy involved?

We cut to commercial as Nicholas shrugs and looks at his spokesperson.

We cut backstage in the arena and find ourselves next to a brightly lit EXODUS Pro signature. But rather than the usual colour scheme, it is instead florescent pink and shining neon. Two disco balls dangle down from the rafters as soft music plays in the background. From the sounds of it, the viewers are being treated to/ punished by the musical stylings of WHAM! Stood in front of the camera is a gigantic figure, but not one that is imposing. Rather, just very unusual. Clad in a badger suit, with a pink tutu around the waist is a man holding a phallic shaped microphone. The figure shakes his head at the probable embarrassment of his predicament, before lifting the unusually shaped mic to his mask.

Badgerface: Good afternoon. My name is Badgerface…

The figure shakes his head once more.

Badgerface: I used to be a serious sports journalist… Look at me now. What has my life come to?

Badgerface lets out a long deep sigh before continuing.

Badgerface: I would like to introduce you…

There is an indistinguishable voice in the background. The badger dressed man turns to the sound of the voice, nods his head reluctantly then continues.

Badgerface: I mean I would be truly and humbly honoured to introduce to you, the most beloved and loyal man servant of the Supreme Being known as Prince…

The sounds in the background, rather high pitched sounds, strike up again.

Badgerface: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Kam--

There is a loud scream that makes the Badger jump up in shock. He walks off camera for a few seconds. Eventually he walks back on holding a cue card that he begins to read from.

Badgerface: The Supreme Being, Lord of Sexuality, Master of the Super Shiny Pants, Undefeated World Champion of the Known World and the smaller states that no one has yet discovered because they are super-secret… The Ever Loving God of Professional Wrestling, Michael Flatley’s worst enemy, Freddie Mercury’s possible love child and the most… BEAUUUTIFUL creature in all existence… The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Kam--

The scream strikes once again. The badger is obviously getting quite frustrated

Badgerface: I’m not allowed to say his name as I am supposedly not worthy…But here is his man servant… BLOWJOB…

There is a chorus of boos and hisses from off camera.

Badgerface: I even got THAT wrong?

The figure known as Badgerface lowers his head. His body is quivering slightly and when he speaks once more is seemingly crying because of the situation he is in.

Badgerface: I have been requested to introduce this man as… Monsieur B. J. Mandeep the First.

A small figure toddles into view sideways, so that his face is always in view. He is dressed in a traditional butlers outfit but upon his head is a luscious royal purple turban. His pale face is emotionless, his dark locks are cascading down to his shoulders and his eyes are focused directly at the camera. In his right hand, he holds a King Edward potato.

Badgerface: And a Potato…

Blowjob: HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Badgerface: I am truly honoured to bask in your presence, oh short one. I believe you have a message to convey from the Artist I am not worthy of publically naming…

Blowjob turns to Badgerface, kicking him in the shin sharply.

Blowjob: SAY HELLO TO THE POTATO!

The badger rubs his shin as he winces in pain, before complying to his request.

Badgerface: Hello Potato!

Potato: That’s MISTER POTATO to you, Nigga!

Badgerface is startled by the deep African American voice of the potato. More so, that the potato actually spoke.

Blowjob: NICE POTATO…

Badgerface attempts to continue. He presses the phallic microphone in Blowjob’s face.

Blowjob: I’M NOT SUCKING THAT…

Blowjob takes the microphone from the much taller Badger after hopping up and snatching it from his hands. From out of nowhere, Blowjob produces an ornate and tattered looking scroll that he lets roll out onto the floor. He begins to read its contents out loud.

Blowjob: MY SUPREME MASTER AND RULER OF THE ENDLESS RULER HAS A MESSAGE FOR A SPECIFIC CRAB INFESTED INDIVIDUAL…. IT IS AS FOLLOWS… AHEM… ‘IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT WHILST MY PERSONAL MAN SERVANT HAS BEEN SPREADING THE MESSAGE OF COMING, THERE HAS BEEN AN INDIVIDUAL WHO HAS THWARTED HIS ATTEMPTS BY FORCEFULLY POKING HER BLUE WAFFLE INFESTED VAGINA DIRECTLY INTO HIS PRETTY LITTLE FACE. DUE TO THE HORRIFIC STENCH OF SAID VAGINA, MY PERSONAL SERVANT HAS BEEN KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS ON NOT ONE, BUT TWO OCCASIONS. THIS MATTER WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.’

He pauses for a moment, does a little shimmy, nods to his potato then continues.

Blowjob: ‘IT IS WITH GREAT DELIGHT THAT I HAVE OFFICIALLY SIGNED A SHORT TERM, EXTREMELY LUCATIVE CONTRACT WITH EXODUS PRO WRESTLING. MY DEBUT WITHIN SAID COMPANY WILL TAKE PLACE AT THE UPCOMING PRESENTATION “NO CHURCH IN THE WILD”. MY CHOICE OF OPPONENT IS THE STI RIDDEN FOOL KNOWN AS SELENA ALEXANDER. SHE WILL PAY FOR HER ASSAULT UPON MY MAJESTIC BLOWJOB. THE LESBIAN WILL BE PUNISHED FOR NOT RESPECTING THE BLOWJOB. EVERYONE MUST RESPECT MY BLOWJOB. HE IS A WONDERFUL, TOOTHY BLOWJOB THAT PLEASURES ALL!!!’

A wide grin appears upon his face. For some reason a man runs past with a turkey stuck on his head, trips, falls then crawls off. Blowjob ignores this and carries on.

Blowjob: ‘REFUSAL TO TAKE PART IN THIS MATCH WILL RESULT IN SWIFT AND PAINFUL LEGAL ACTION TO BE TAKEN UPON THE TRANSGENDER SELENA ALEXANDER FOR THE SEXUAL GROOMING AND EVENTUAL RAPE OF A CHILD…’

Badgerface: B-b-but you are not a child…

Blowjob kicks Badgerface in the shin again, making the man in fancy dress double over and fall to the floor. Badgerface in his embarrassment then crawls out of view.

Blowjob: HUSH, HEATHEN!

He stares into the camera and after clearing his throat, finishes his speech.

Blowjob: ‘YOURS…. SOMEONE WHO IS GOING TO BEAT YOU… IT WILL BE… BEAUUUTIFUL!!!’

As he takes a vast bow, accompanied by a cheap sounding applause machine, another figure steps into view. He is a mammoth of a man, his face is handsome yet grizzled, his hair espresso curls and the glare in his eyes is verging on murderous. Blowjob’s grin turns upside down, his skin growing pale as he realises who is before him. The suit clad figure picks him up with both hands then punts him through the air and out of view.

Blowjob: WENDY I CAN FLY….

Blowjob’s voice dies out as the suited man turns to the camera, his eyes glowing a molten gold. His breathing is heavy; his body quivering with rage and his voice is slow and callous. This is none over than Andreas Lasiewicz.

Lasiewicz: I know you are here… I know it was you… Run, boy… You are not safe here…

Lasiewicz marches out of view as the scene cuts back to ringside.

Dick Morosi: You heard Sylar asked for it, and Jonathan Collins made it so! At No Church In the Wild, Sylar Drake will be defending his San Diego Bay Title against Genesis Logan and Joshua Sullivan!

Seth Ericson: Just think of how great both Sullivan and Kane will look after No Church In the Wild, when both of them are standing tall!

Dick Morosi: Speaking of our upcoming iPPV, we're going to have a small preview of the show tonight! One half of our new Tag Team Champions, Sally Talfourd, meets one of their challengers next! She's going one on one with Wulf Erikssen!

The opening words of "Barroom Hero" by the Dropkick Murphys echo around the arena as the entranceway becomes illuminated in red and white light. As the music kicks in, Wulf enters the arena with a bottle of beer in his hand, escorted by Stacey-X.

David Zinkus: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, to be accompanied by Stacey-X, weighing in at two hundred and twenty-four pounds…the Bar Room Hero…WULF ERIKSSEN!!

Wulf walks about the entranceway, drinking from the bottle whilst saluting the crowd, as Stacey eggs the crowd on, clapping her hands. He then downs the remainder of the bottle, before smashing it over his head. Following this, he sprints to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. He climbs one of the turnbuckles, and raises an arm in salute to the audience, as Stacey walks down to ringside.

Dick Morosi: And here’s Wulf, one half of the number one contenders for Sally and Andreas’s tag team championships. Seth, both teams have been generating a lot of cheers and hype. It should be an exciting tag team match.

Seth Ericson: Yeah, it will be interesting. And we’re going to get a sneak preview of it here with a half of each team facing off.

The crowd is buzzing with anticipation for the coming match. On cue, the lights take on a blue tinge and 'TroubleMaker' hits the speakers. This sets the crowd off: everyone knows who this is leading up to. As the song bursts to life, out races Sally, racing to the front of the stage. Raising her hands to the crowd, she kicks her leg and heads towards the ring, slapping hands with the crowd that hangs over the rails for her.

David Zinkus: And his opponent, from Boryeong, South Korea, weighing in at one hundred and forty-five pounds…the Last Magician…SALLY TALFOURD!!

Sally stands at the base of the steps to the ring, waving to the crowd as she is announced. When that's done, she dashes up the steps, hoists herself over the top ring and bounces to the centre of the ring. Poses for the crowd as the lights return to normal and the music fades out. The crowd still cheers for the adorable Elena as she starts to stretch for the match.

Dick Morosi: Something we have been blessed with is very exciting and talented female wrestlers. You have the former World Champion, Fiona Rourke. You have the current one, Heather Halliwell. And honestly, I would put this lady here right up there with them. Sally Talfourd has been on the hottest streak we’ve seen in a while and is one of the most dangerous people on this roster.

Seth Ericson: And you have to remember who her tag team partner is. The Turks might just be the most dominant tag team we’ve seen in a very long time.

Dick Morosi: Well, Wulf and Lenton are going to try to change everyone’s opinions about that. Wulf, in particular, will as the bell sounds, and this match is underway!

DING DING DING

Special Singles Match
Wulf Erikssen vs. Sally Talfourd

Wulf dashes forward towards Sally Talfourd, who is able to side step. Wulf catches himself in the corner, turns around, and is quickly planted with the Implant Buster, one of Sally’s signature moves.

Seth Ericson: Sally isn’t wasting any time.

Dick Morosi: She is not. And here’s Erikssen again…

Wulf gets back up, and grabs Sally for a suplex attempt, Sally flips over him. She backs into the ropes and hits a very impressive headscissors takedown. Wulf quickly gets back up to try to keep Sally off guard, but she responds with spinning heel kick to the skull. She bounces off the rope and leaps in the air with a lot of hangtime with a knee drop to Wulf Erikssen’s midsection.

Seth Ericson: Wulf looks completely unprepared for this.

Dick Morosi: I agree. Sally has an armbar locked in right now.

Wulf is able to roll to the ropes and grab the bottom one. Once Sally lets go of the hold, she’s right back on the offense with a quick elbow drop. Once Wulf finds a way to get to his feet, he’s planted in the center of the ring with Sally’s signature DDT, the Lasso. She runs at the ropes, springboards off, and hits her finishing move, the High Hopes. The fans are giving a huge roar as Sally gets the cover.

ONE!!



TWO!!




THREE!!

DING DING DING!

David Zinkus: Here is your winner...SALLY TALFOURD!

"TroubleMaker" starts back up and Sally gets her hand raised by the ref as she points to the crowd quick as she begins to celebrate her victory!

Dick Morosi: Sally Talfourd picks up a huge victory as we march towards No Church In the Wild!

Seth Ericson: Wulf just wasn't enough for her tonight, but all that could change when these two link up with their partners in two weeks at our first iPPV of the Nicholas Gray era! Wait...is this our Gray Period?

Dick Morosi: Har, har. Let's cut backstage really quick!

Winner: Sally Talfourd

We go backstage to find Nicholas Gray at the catering table, leaning against it as he devours a sandwich. He raises an arm and points off-screen suddenly, the camera panning over to find the courier from recent weeks, whose face falls when he sees Gray. Gray sets the sandwich down as he gestures him forward.

Nicholas Gray: Come on, come on, don't be shy! I know it's intimidating being in front of a CEO for the first time-

Courier: It's not my first time.

Nicholas Gray: ...too easy.

The courier sighs.

Courier: I'm just bringing some important mail...

Nicholas Gray: Tres bien! Gimme!

He takes the couple of envelopes from him, looking over the front of the first one. He shakes his head and tosses it over his shoulder.

Nicholas Gray: Summons.

An examination of the second elicits the same response.

Nicholas Gray: Bill.

He begins to look over the third one, which causes a noticeable shift in his demeanor. Now suddenly quite serious, he quickly reaches over to the catering table and grabs a knife, slitting the letter open and retrieving the contents, a single piece of paper. He reads over it carefully, clearly taking in every word. When his head comes back up, he has the widest grin imaginable, leaving the courier visibly uncomfortable.

Nicholas Gray: Oh, that is perfect.

Courier: Er...what is?

Gray puts his arm around the courier, indicating the paper as he does.

Nicholas Gray: This is a very important bit of paper. You see, when I took over this grand company, I reached out to an old friend of mine with an offer.

Courier: And...?

Nicholas Gray: I've just gotten his response.

He pats the courier on the shoulder before turning, grabbing his sandwich, and walking off with a noticeable pip in his step, as we go to commercial.