Post by The Karma Keeper on Sept 21, 2013 3:02:57 GMT -6
"So, where do you want to start?
The question was simple, yet more complex considering the context. I scratched the side of my scruffy face, my thick black hair covering my eyes as my head hung low, examining every floor tile inside this unfamiliar territory.
I hated change, I hated it with a passion. Why couldn't everything in life be like a museum where everything always stayed exactly where it was? Nobody'd move, nobody'd pretend to be your friend then turn on you, nobody would try to mess up your life, nobody would be different. That's the kind of world I'm hoping for. That's the kind of world we all deserve. But it seems that God, if said 'God' really exists, had other plans.
"That depends, Nick. How do you want to start?" His voice was new, younger than what I was used to. It was terrifying. I could feel my arms shivering, my eyes avoiding eye contact at all cost. To look into his eyes would be to let him know I was weak, to let him know I was open. I wasn't open. I was a scared little kid at heart, or so they keep telling me, lost in a world I still couldn't understand, no matter how many questions I asked.
"It's... It's Zack. Please, just... Call me Zack." I held back the anger, a calm demeanor to my voice. Now wasn't the time nor place. He meant well, you could hear it in his tone, but here I was, mentally picturing ways to off myself if only to get out of the awkward situation. My eyes fluttered to a level ground and darted to the left, my head no longer hanging to the floor. Next to a potted plant on an end table sat a black pen simply begging to be pressed into my jugular vein. That'll end me real quick, won't it?
"Zack!" I think he said my name a few times before that. Calmer. Now he was nearly screaming. He was trying to get my attention. I wasn't listening. My mind was already off into the distance, a twisted world of power rings and squirting jugular veins haunting my thoughts. Tossing my head back and forth like a wet dog, I washed the ideas away, filling them with new ones as I looked around the new daunting office.
"I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry. What were we talking about?" I asked my new therapist. I started to misremember how I got here. Did Saylor drop me off? Did I walk here? No, it must've been the former. The psychology place was far off from home, just outside of town. I think they actually have a Sonic around here. Maybe later, I'll ask her if she'll stop there so we can-
"Zack, I know this is new for you, but we'll get through this. Remember what Dr. Henry told you?" I smiled at the mention of his name. So many fond memories.
"Yeah. He said he got a job in Florida. He said it was important. He said... He said he'd be back." I recalled, my eyes still avoiding his.
"He said he'd try to come back. When the case is finished." I took a deep breath, sighing heavily.
"When the case is finished? He's been with me for five years and my 'case' still isn't 'finished!' Why does everyone get better but me?" You could tell he wasn't quite sure how to answer at first. He hesitated. Maybe it was my slight outburst that caught him off guard or maybe he was as new to this job as he looked. But Dr. Henry said he was a nice guy. He said I should trust him, that he was one of the guys he played cards with on the weekends every so often. Still, it was new, and I avoided new whenever possible.
New was usually bad. New got Zero to hate my guts after the whole almost killing Brytain Montgomery thing at PDW's Legendary. New made Erin Daniels and company walk from my side and decide to become their own entity without me at the helm in the aftermath of that near-homicide. Don't get me wrong, she deserved every bit of what she got, but she didn't deserve to die. Still, it's something I have to live with, something that makes the rest of the world look at me differently ever since I choked her with that bloody barbed wire in the middle of that ring amongst other things. It felt... satisfying. She used to be a friend, but of course, because change reared its ugly head, she started acting like she was better than I was, thinking she could make fun of the situations I found myself in. She... She made it personal. How was I supposed to just let her walk away? How was I supposed to just let her sit ideally by while she kept making her smart ass remarks at every turn while I was happy?
There are two kinds of people in this world, as I see it. Cliche, I know, but listen up. There are the people who let you be yourself in all your quirks and all your personality, and there are those cowards who feel the need to say something about everything you do until they're blue in the face if only to see a reaction. She wanted a reaction? She got one. And now everyone in the world can't understand why I acted the way I did.
There comes a point where you snap, a point where your emotions take a hold of you and you just need to let out all that emotion with everything you have even if you'll regret it later. I guess that's too much of me assuming everyone is like me, thinking everyone has trouble conducting themselves like I do, but that's the way I see it. What I did to her was normal given the situation. You'd do the same thing if you were pushed to the edge and then you'd be hated for it. That's where I was now. Shunned because I made a stand that friends don't stab friends in the back no matter what.
"I'm beginning to think Doctor Henry thinks I'm a lost cause, just like Mia said," I muttered under my breath. Mia used to be a close friend of mine too, until she started hating my guts since the Brytain Montgomery attack. I guess I should've done what the Americans did during the Revolutionary War. I should've said "sorry for standing up for what I believe in" and continued talking in a British accent. Because that's totally the way it ended. That's totally how to solve all your problems.
"You're not a lost cause, Zack. He went to Florida but he'll try to be back soon," he spoke up, a fake, phony smile across his face.
"Yeah, maybe. I don't know... Can I start my story now? I've been a wreck since I got injured, a fucking wreck, and I just... Need to." I could feel myself breathing heavily already, trying to keep the emotions inside.
"As you will. Take all the time you need."
Once upon a time, there was an angel. The prettiest angel there ever was, not a speck of dust on her wings. She was perfect in every way, innocent and sweet. Her two parents loved her very much, a star in the eyes of his father and the best thing to ever happen to the young man who just wanted a family to call his own. They excitedly awaited her arrival, the stork far off in the distance to make sure everything went alright with a closed bill and crossed wings. A baby shower was planned, a nursery was carefully constructed in her honer dressed in pink and white, and as the days winded down, the excitement only seemed to grow more and more and more. It was a happy time that is one for the storybooks, a fairytale if there ever was one.
But not all fairytales have happy endings. Sometimes fairytales keep you awake at night and tear at your heart stings. And sometimes, when you're really unlucky, fairytales can be absolutely one hundred percent true.
December 9, 2012
The worst day of my life...
The question was simple, yet more complex considering the context. I scratched the side of my scruffy face, my thick black hair covering my eyes as my head hung low, examining every floor tile inside this unfamiliar territory.
I hated change, I hated it with a passion. Why couldn't everything in life be like a museum where everything always stayed exactly where it was? Nobody'd move, nobody'd pretend to be your friend then turn on you, nobody would try to mess up your life, nobody would be different. That's the kind of world I'm hoping for. That's the kind of world we all deserve. But it seems that God, if said 'God' really exists, had other plans.
"That depends, Nick. How do you want to start?" His voice was new, younger than what I was used to. It was terrifying. I could feel my arms shivering, my eyes avoiding eye contact at all cost. To look into his eyes would be to let him know I was weak, to let him know I was open. I wasn't open. I was a scared little kid at heart, or so they keep telling me, lost in a world I still couldn't understand, no matter how many questions I asked.
"It's... It's Zack. Please, just... Call me Zack." I held back the anger, a calm demeanor to my voice. Now wasn't the time nor place. He meant well, you could hear it in his tone, but here I was, mentally picturing ways to off myself if only to get out of the awkward situation. My eyes fluttered to a level ground and darted to the left, my head no longer hanging to the floor. Next to a potted plant on an end table sat a black pen simply begging to be pressed into my jugular vein. That'll end me real quick, won't it?
"Zack!" I think he said my name a few times before that. Calmer. Now he was nearly screaming. He was trying to get my attention. I wasn't listening. My mind was already off into the distance, a twisted world of power rings and squirting jugular veins haunting my thoughts. Tossing my head back and forth like a wet dog, I washed the ideas away, filling them with new ones as I looked around the new daunting office.
"I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry. What were we talking about?" I asked my new therapist. I started to misremember how I got here. Did Saylor drop me off? Did I walk here? No, it must've been the former. The psychology place was far off from home, just outside of town. I think they actually have a Sonic around here. Maybe later, I'll ask her if she'll stop there so we can-
"Zack, I know this is new for you, but we'll get through this. Remember what Dr. Henry told you?" I smiled at the mention of his name. So many fond memories.
"Yeah. He said he got a job in Florida. He said it was important. He said... He said he'd be back." I recalled, my eyes still avoiding his.
"He said he'd try to come back. When the case is finished." I took a deep breath, sighing heavily.
"When the case is finished? He's been with me for five years and my 'case' still isn't 'finished!' Why does everyone get better but me?" You could tell he wasn't quite sure how to answer at first. He hesitated. Maybe it was my slight outburst that caught him off guard or maybe he was as new to this job as he looked. But Dr. Henry said he was a nice guy. He said I should trust him, that he was one of the guys he played cards with on the weekends every so often. Still, it was new, and I avoided new whenever possible.
New was usually bad. New got Zero to hate my guts after the whole almost killing Brytain Montgomery thing at PDW's Legendary. New made Erin Daniels and company walk from my side and decide to become their own entity without me at the helm in the aftermath of that near-homicide. Don't get me wrong, she deserved every bit of what she got, but she didn't deserve to die. Still, it's something I have to live with, something that makes the rest of the world look at me differently ever since I choked her with that bloody barbed wire in the middle of that ring amongst other things. It felt... satisfying. She used to be a friend, but of course, because change reared its ugly head, she started acting like she was better than I was, thinking she could make fun of the situations I found myself in. She... She made it personal. How was I supposed to just let her walk away? How was I supposed to just let her sit ideally by while she kept making her smart ass remarks at every turn while I was happy?
There are two kinds of people in this world, as I see it. Cliche, I know, but listen up. There are the people who let you be yourself in all your quirks and all your personality, and there are those cowards who feel the need to say something about everything you do until they're blue in the face if only to see a reaction. She wanted a reaction? She got one. And now everyone in the world can't understand why I acted the way I did.
There comes a point where you snap, a point where your emotions take a hold of you and you just need to let out all that emotion with everything you have even if you'll regret it later. I guess that's too much of me assuming everyone is like me, thinking everyone has trouble conducting themselves like I do, but that's the way I see it. What I did to her was normal given the situation. You'd do the same thing if you were pushed to the edge and then you'd be hated for it. That's where I was now. Shunned because I made a stand that friends don't stab friends in the back no matter what.
"I'm beginning to think Doctor Henry thinks I'm a lost cause, just like Mia said," I muttered under my breath. Mia used to be a close friend of mine too, until she started hating my guts since the Brytain Montgomery attack. I guess I should've done what the Americans did during the Revolutionary War. I should've said "sorry for standing up for what I believe in" and continued talking in a British accent. Because that's totally the way it ended. That's totally how to solve all your problems.
"You're not a lost cause, Zack. He went to Florida but he'll try to be back soon," he spoke up, a fake, phony smile across his face.
"Yeah, maybe. I don't know... Can I start my story now? I've been a wreck since I got injured, a fucking wreck, and I just... Need to." I could feel myself breathing heavily already, trying to keep the emotions inside.
"As you will. Take all the time you need."
------------------------
Once upon a time, there was an angel. The prettiest angel there ever was, not a speck of dust on her wings. She was perfect in every way, innocent and sweet. Her two parents loved her very much, a star in the eyes of his father and the best thing to ever happen to the young man who just wanted a family to call his own. They excitedly awaited her arrival, the stork far off in the distance to make sure everything went alright with a closed bill and crossed wings. A baby shower was planned, a nursery was carefully constructed in her honer dressed in pink and white, and as the days winded down, the excitement only seemed to grow more and more and more. It was a happy time that is one for the storybooks, a fairytale if there ever was one.
But not all fairytales have happy endings. Sometimes fairytales keep you awake at night and tear at your heart stings. And sometimes, when you're really unlucky, fairytales can be absolutely one hundred percent true.
December 9, 2012
The worst day of my life...
------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED...