Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2012 17:40:46 GMT -6
University of California, San Diego
La Jolla, California.
It was a warm day in San Diego. I was happy with that. It was hard to be on the hunt if the heat got too fierce. Something about being in a large costume makes a man sweat like a whore in church.
“Why do you have a tattoo of James Taylor on your arm?” Silver Squid asks. This makes me turn my head.
“I forgot you were even here.” I replied with sincerity.
Silver Squid shakes his enormous head at me. “We’ve been together all day. You just keep getting distracted.”
This was true. All the hot college ass passing our way made it difficult for an octopus to keep things straight. “I guess so. It’s just so nice out here. We should have done this years ago.”
Silver Squid doesn’t say anything. I just blame it on him being intimidated by my awesomeness.
A pretty Asian girl walks by. I can’t help but to strike. “HEY, GIRL.” I shout at the top of my octo-lungs.
She turns around and flashes me a smile. “How are you, Orange Octopus?”
It’s true. I had become something of a campus celebrity. The girls thought I was cute and harmless, save for the few dozen anuses I had severely damaged. And the frat guys thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. “I’m good now that I’ve seen you, Wang Chung. How about giving me a little glimpse of the lower far-east, girl?”
She obliges. She lifts her skirt and shows me the goods. The Silver Squid is shocked. Unfortunately she notices his creeping and gets spooked. “Yuck! What are you looking at, pervert?”
Silver Squid tilts his large dome. He’s confused.
“You’re in a fucking squid costume, creeper. Get a life.” She scolds him with a shaking fist. I was a little scared too. I mean, she was Asian and that had to equate to extensive martial arts knowledge.
Silver Squid lowered his head. I just kept on looking for prey.
“I don’t understand this. We are practically the same thing.”
“I’m an octopus.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m a squi—“
“People like octopi.”
“We’re practically the sam---“
“I’m orange.” I sigh and end the conversation with a tentacle wave.
Silver Squid gets up and starts walking away. “This is dumb. I’m done.” He starts to remove his head.
I TACKLE THAT SQUID DOWN. We struggle, but I manage to keep his head on. “Nooooo!”
“Get off me, you pervert! I felt that!”
“Felt what?”
“You tried to sneak a grope in!”
I’m shocked. “Oh, octopus.” I wave my tentacles around.
The bitch punches me. Hard.
“That shit doesn’t work on me. I’m going home.” Silver Squid decides to poop all over the party and head off.
I shout after him. “HEY, SQUID.”
“I’m literally five feet in front of you.”
“Oh…sorry. IF BRENDA IS THERE, TELL HER I THINK SHE GAVE ME HERPES.”
The Silver Squid debates saying more, but he just walks off and continues shaking that adorable silver head.
“You need to lighten up, dude. ENJOY THE FRUITS.”
The Silver Squid paused. And for once, he agreed. It was time to give this a fair shot.
Meanwhile, I pulled out my cellphone and started text Reggie. I needed some stronger weed.
Promo Vignette #2
RIMAC Arena
The Orange Octopus stands, looking a little distracted. The camera may have been burning bright on him, but his attention seemed to be elsewhere.
“Oh, I see you standing there. I’m just looking at the moment. It seemed to pass Kallie Karter on by. That’s a darn-tootin’ shame.”
OO looks towards the camera now. That big, orange face could have made the sternest woman wet.
“That’s fine though. I totally understand. It’s probably real tough. I don’t know how I would respond to facing the biggest challenge of my career either. But come on, titties. You should have known from the moment you stuffed those big, floppy mounds in a tight, constricting bra that you would eventually come across the Orange Octopus. He’s on the prowl for that kind of breasties.”
OO flails his tentacles around for confirmation.
“I’m sure you’re waiting to sandbag me, but I’m cool with it. I want you to do everything you can come up with to try and get the victory. I want all your tricks, all your nastiness. I want to bathe in it. The Orange Octopus wants to crack you open like a clam and, you know, tug at that soft flesh with his octo-teethies.”
OO decides this is a good time to start dancing. So he busts a move.
“Now I know you ain’t no Hollaback Girl, but you best believe I’m going to holla at you on the 16th. I don’t care if you want to hear me holla at you or not, because either way, forced or consensual, the Orange Octopus gonna make that holla.”
OO nods his large noggin. He means serious business.
“I remember you saying that I’m joke. The only time the Orange Octopus makes a joke is when he spreads his tentacles and lets a ho know what he’s working with. Because look here, you big tittied baboon, the only chance you ever have of beating me is beating me off. I got a real funny feeling…”
OO leans in now. He’s whispering soft like a Softcore porno star.
“The joke is going to be on you.”
And with that, the Orange Octopus reaches down and starts to remove his head. It’s, it’s, it’s!
CUT.
La Jolla, California.
It was a warm day in San Diego. I was happy with that. It was hard to be on the hunt if the heat got too fierce. Something about being in a large costume makes a man sweat like a whore in church.
“Why do you have a tattoo of James Taylor on your arm?” Silver Squid asks. This makes me turn my head.
“I forgot you were even here.” I replied with sincerity.
Silver Squid shakes his enormous head at me. “We’ve been together all day. You just keep getting distracted.”
This was true. All the hot college ass passing our way made it difficult for an octopus to keep things straight. “I guess so. It’s just so nice out here. We should have done this years ago.”
Silver Squid doesn’t say anything. I just blame it on him being intimidated by my awesomeness.
A pretty Asian girl walks by. I can’t help but to strike. “HEY, GIRL.” I shout at the top of my octo-lungs.
She turns around and flashes me a smile. “How are you, Orange Octopus?”
It’s true. I had become something of a campus celebrity. The girls thought I was cute and harmless, save for the few dozen anuses I had severely damaged. And the frat guys thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. “I’m good now that I’ve seen you, Wang Chung. How about giving me a little glimpse of the lower far-east, girl?”
She obliges. She lifts her skirt and shows me the goods. The Silver Squid is shocked. Unfortunately she notices his creeping and gets spooked. “Yuck! What are you looking at, pervert?”
Silver Squid tilts his large dome. He’s confused.
“You’re in a fucking squid costume, creeper. Get a life.” She scolds him with a shaking fist. I was a little scared too. I mean, she was Asian and that had to equate to extensive martial arts knowledge.
Silver Squid lowered his head. I just kept on looking for prey.
“I don’t understand this. We are practically the same thing.”
“I’m an octopus.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m a squi—“
“People like octopi.”
“We’re practically the sam---“
“I’m orange.” I sigh and end the conversation with a tentacle wave.
Silver Squid gets up and starts walking away. “This is dumb. I’m done.” He starts to remove his head.
I TACKLE THAT SQUID DOWN. We struggle, but I manage to keep his head on. “Nooooo!”
“Get off me, you pervert! I felt that!”
“Felt what?”
“You tried to sneak a grope in!”
I’m shocked. “Oh, octopus.” I wave my tentacles around.
The bitch punches me. Hard.
“That shit doesn’t work on me. I’m going home.” Silver Squid decides to poop all over the party and head off.
I shout after him. “HEY, SQUID.”
“I’m literally five feet in front of you.”
“Oh…sorry. IF BRENDA IS THERE, TELL HER I THINK SHE GAVE ME HERPES.”
The Silver Squid debates saying more, but he just walks off and continues shaking that adorable silver head.
“You need to lighten up, dude. ENJOY THE FRUITS.”
The Silver Squid paused. And for once, he agreed. It was time to give this a fair shot.
Meanwhile, I pulled out my cellphone and started text Reggie. I needed some stronger weed.
Promo Vignette #2
RIMAC Arena
The Orange Octopus stands, looking a little distracted. The camera may have been burning bright on him, but his attention seemed to be elsewhere.
“Oh, I see you standing there. I’m just looking at the moment. It seemed to pass Kallie Karter on by. That’s a darn-tootin’ shame.”
OO looks towards the camera now. That big, orange face could have made the sternest woman wet.
“That’s fine though. I totally understand. It’s probably real tough. I don’t know how I would respond to facing the biggest challenge of my career either. But come on, titties. You should have known from the moment you stuffed those big, floppy mounds in a tight, constricting bra that you would eventually come across the Orange Octopus. He’s on the prowl for that kind of breasties.”
OO flails his tentacles around for confirmation.
“I’m sure you’re waiting to sandbag me, but I’m cool with it. I want you to do everything you can come up with to try and get the victory. I want all your tricks, all your nastiness. I want to bathe in it. The Orange Octopus wants to crack you open like a clam and, you know, tug at that soft flesh with his octo-teethies.”
OO decides this is a good time to start dancing. So he busts a move.
“Now I know you ain’t no Hollaback Girl, but you best believe I’m going to holla at you on the 16th. I don’t care if you want to hear me holla at you or not, because either way, forced or consensual, the Orange Octopus gonna make that holla.”
OO nods his large noggin. He means serious business.
“I remember you saying that I’m joke. The only time the Orange Octopus makes a joke is when he spreads his tentacles and lets a ho know what he’s working with. Because look here, you big tittied baboon, the only chance you ever have of beating me is beating me off. I got a real funny feeling…”
OO leans in now. He’s whispering soft like a Softcore porno star.
“The joke is going to be on you.”
And with that, the Orange Octopus reaches down and starts to remove his head. It’s, it’s, it’s!
CUT.