Post by Carlton Winslow on Mar 16, 2014 17:09:50 GMT -6
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And there he was, that handsome dark chocolate candy bar himself, Carlton Winslow. He sat in his room, the walls still covered with childish posters and his shelves stacked with action figures and Gundam models. He swings around in his chair, donning a Silver Hawks T-shirt and a pair of prescription glasses. He has a big smile and waves at his webcam.
Carlton Winslow: HELLO everyone and welcome BACK...to another wonderful episode from your's truly, Carlton Winslow!! Now last time you saw me, we had some uhm...
He looks behind him, there was quiet, he clears his throat and turns back.
? ? ?: Bruh, this is so lame. Like f'real...
Carlton Winslow: Uhm, anyway--
? ? ?: FUCK, this motherfuckin' game is some SHIT...!!!
Carlton Winslow: Hold on.
The cam turns to see that this super urban voice was coming from a white guy sitting on Carlton's bed playing on his iPhone. He was dressed like he was from them streets, but honestly it was a little weird to see some white boy acting like he was out of a BET original movie. Carlton looks at him, forcing a nervous smile on his face.
Carlton Winslow: Hey...buddy? I'm tryna...tryna do a promo here and...y'know you're swearing isn't helping me.
The guy looks up at him and then at the cam. He looks back to his phone and continue to play what sounds like Flappy Bird.
Carlton Winslow: OH let me introduce one of my friends from private school. His name is Gerald Pinz--
That Rich Homie P-Swag: Ayo, what I tell you about callin' me by my white name...?
Carlton Winslow: ...
He looks at the cam and then back at Gerald.
That Rich Homie P-Swag: I'm THAT RICH ASS HOMIE...P-Swag. I make paper, roll paper, and smoke paper. I'm from that jungle homie, straight from the savage's mouth y'feel me?!
Carlton Winslow: ...Malibu?
That Rich Homie P-Swag: NAW mothafucka! THE STREETS!!! Goddamn you so white.
Carlton Winslow: But I'm black.
That Rich Homie P-Swag: No you're more like one of those nasty ass chocolates with coconut in them.
Carlton Winslow: I AM NOT AN ALMOND JOY!!!!
That Rich Homie P-Swag: Just sayin' bruh, you need a little bit of swag in your ass. Maybe then some of these hoes around the campus you try and fuck wit would let you smash. I'm sayin' you let me show you the ropes and your Instagram will be on FIRE, EVERY bitch is gonna want you! You need some black in you, I mean damn Carlton...
Carlton Winslow: ...
Carlton pauses for a moment, turning back to the cam, something just crossed his mind.
There was a long pause again, P-Swag looks at Carlton with nervous eyes and then realizes that Carlton IS in fact recording this entire thing. Which means, anything he says will be broadcast to the world.
That Rich Homie P-Swag: Why you tellin' people shit Carl? Why you tryna air my laundry out like that cuz?! You know how many enemies I got son?!
Carlton Winslow: Your mom?
That Rich Homie P-Swag: Yo turn that shit off B.
Carlton Winslow: No, I have to do this promo or else I'm gonna look like a loser to this Brando guy and he seems totally badass so I NEED to look badass too!
P-Swag comes over to try and turn it off.
Carlton Winslow: H-HEY STOP!
That Rich Homie P-Swag: YO TURN IT OFF NOW!!!
Carlton Winslow: I'M GONNA TELL YOUR MOM ON YOU!
That Rich Homie P-Swag: YO FUCK YOU NIGG--
Suddenly a black shadow was cast upon this poor white boy. There stood a towering, black, hulking, Mr. Winslow, in his sweater vest and glasses that didn't fit his face all the way. P-Swag turns around and begins to sweat the Pacific Ocean. Carlton looks on speechless and absolutely scared to death. No one that big and dark should move that silently.
Gerald Pinz: Oh hello Mr. Winslow, how are you?
Mr. Winslow: ...What were you about to say lil' honky?
Gerald Pinz: OH, that? Uhm, I was gonna call Carlton a ninja. Me and your son always joke around, it's quite fun actually.
Mr. Winslow: Yeah? Is it also fun to be cussing in my house whitey?
Gerald Pinz: I-I'm sorry.
Mr. Winslow: ....I'm watching you cracka.
Mr. Winslow stomps out and shuts the door. "P-Swag" turns his scared whiteboy switch off and goes back to being "hood".
That Rich Homie P-Swag: Yo you're lucky that I know you son. Your pops need to fall back with that "honky" bullshit. I'm pop that trunk on'em! He don't know me, I'll beat his black ass--
Mr. Winslow: THE FUCK YOU SAY?!
Mr. Winslow winds his hand up to bitchslap P-Swag who is now screaming like a little girl.
Carlton Winslow: DADDY NO!!!
The scene cuts and we see a traumatized Carlton, sitting in his chair. There's a massive hole through his wall and some blood stains. Carlton sits there for a moment and slowly begins to take his glasses off.
Carlton Winslow: A-Ahem. SO, about uhm, this match. Brando is a very sneaky person, and doesn't seem to l-like people. Brando might not like me because my mom gives me kisses and cookies. I for one...could use a cookie and a kiss right now because what I just saw...dear Lord. ANYWAY, he's thinking that...because I'm the way I am, I'm weird, or...I'm some sort of freak. I rather be myself than anyone else. I don't change for anyone and for the last 22 years of my life I have never allowed someone to put me down because I like to watch cartoons or that I dress a certain way.
If you don't think I'm fit to be a champ Brando; If you think I'm a joke, then here's a thought: How about you stop me from moving on? How about you do something to prevent guys like me from making something of myself. Because one of the critical ingredients of success Brando...is beating the odds. The ODDS are going to be stacked against me in the quarterfinals, and you know what? Fine, I've seen the talent here, I've watched their first matches, and I KNOW it's going to be tough. But like Billy Ocean says, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going!!" I'm not going to lose this opportunity to make a name for myself, and SUNDAY? I'm going to show you the other side of Carlton Winslow. The Carlton Winslow that won't GIVE UP and won't allow guys like you to move on! So put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Carlton clears his throat again.
Carlton Winslow: Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go see if my friend is still alive at the hospital...
Suddenly Mrs. Winslow peeks through the giant hole in the wall.
Carlton Winslow: .....Coming mom.
And with that...Carlton went to go eat dinner. Afterward he had to go check on his friend to see if he was a vegetable now. And with that another AWESOME episode is in the books...
We guess.
END.
We guess.
END.