White Flag

So I wrote this like over a month ago I bet, when the Twitter fallout with Molly first happened, and then I got sick so it never got posted in a RP. It's kind of been sitting there on my computer and it seems a shame. I liked how it came out. Molly's handler did as well, so I'm posting here, even if nobody reads it - now it doesn't feel like it was all for nothing!

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again

Under any other circumstance I would be feeling absolutely thrilled about an impromptu visit to Los Angeles. As much as I was enjoying my first home on the beach in San Diego, there was something about Los Angeles that made me feel like I was coming back to the true home inside of my heart. The millions of memories I carried with me every single time I returned to those familiar sights made my heart swell to another level that nobody could ever truly understand. Unless they also hailed from Los Angeles and shared the same sense of adoration for the city that would live on inside of their hearts no matter where else they decided to root down their life. I couldn't help taking in my surroundings as my car glided down along the Los Angeles streets and the sunshine warmed my skin along with making the rings on my fingers sparkle underneath the bright light. Despite everything going on, there was no denying the small smile that was tugging at the corners of my lips, and the gleam in my own eyes behind the sunglasses I was wearing. I could never be truly saddened when I was back to the place I had grown and learned and truly lived the best years of my life. I turned my car down towards the length of a familiar pathway leading up towards the spacious home of the woman who was the sole reason why I'd gotten inside of my car in the first place this morning.

I parked the car as carefully as it was possible, smooth driving skills were not exactly one of my strengths, and somehow managed a satisfactory parking job as I turned off the engine in one quick movement. I tossed the keys of my car inside of my purse before I pushed open the door and stepped outside allowing for my feet to hit up against the pavement while my eyes remained focused upon the house standing there so imposing. I felt a lump forming in my throat as my mouth narrowed itself into a grim line when my mind started wandering back to the events that had lead me here in the first place. The knot in my stomach was growing ever stronger as the previous night's drama all across Twitter festered in the back of my mind like a cruel reminder of just what happened when people were pushed in a negative manner. Or sometimes just how malicious we could be towards each other when we felt threatened. I dug around inside of my purse trying to steady my nerves as I pulled out a cigarette and swiftly placed it in between of my lips before grabbing onto the lighter. I guide it towards the end tip of the cigarette as I flick the lighter until the small flame dances to life and I use the flame to light the end of my cigarette taking that first much needed drag. I toss the lighter back inside of my purse as I pull the cigarette out from between my lips and release the smoke I had been holding inside of my lungs, letting it float up towards the sky above with a deep sigh.

I shouldn't be falling back into such a bad habit and yet I felt I needed the extra bit of help to calm down my nerves. There was something about having to stand face to face with Molly after everything that was making my entire stomach do these insane cartwheels. A lot of myself was screaming to jump back inside of the car and drive all the way back to the safety of San Diego, and yet the more stubborn side of myself remained rooted to the spot, realizing that in my life there had been so few female friends standing by my side. Could I really afford to throw one away? I was eternally grateful to Maggie and her friendship, but sometimes I felt like she had been mostly introduced into my life because Jimmy and Darrin were such good friends that it seemed only natural we should get along as a result. I would also always hold a special place in my heart for Heather, we had certainly met even before Darrin and I did, but there was those odd times when I found myself feeling like an odd little duckling in her presence. It wasn't exactly jealousy, but maybe the step right below, and I dreaded allowing for it fester into something more negative. It was never anything Heather or Maggie did wrong, it was just my own insecurities coming back to rear their ugly heads before making themselves perfectly at home putting pressure down onto my shoulders.

No, Molly was to me a friend that I had made all on my own, and very much a friend who had accepted every single part of me that there was to offer to the world. Even those ugly flaws that I tried so desperately to hide and in certain aspects of my life, she could very well be the kindred spirit who would understand what so many others could not even begin to imagine. There was so much on the inside that nobody understood, nobody could see past the blonde bubbly exterior, and see just how damaged everything was on the inside where it mattered the most. Until Molly and maybe that was because in her own ways, she was just as damaged as I am, and she tried to hide it harder than I did during every single second of the day. It was an exhausting process and yet one I found impossible to let go of because it had very much become like a security blanket offering me much comfort. I took one more drag from my cigarette before I made my way up towards the front door on shaking legs trying my best to calm down those nerves still plaguing me making each step feel a hundred times heavier than it was in the reality of the situation. I balanced the cigarette in between two of my fingers as I used my free hand and started tapping my knuckles up against the surface of the door hoping the sound I was making was loud enough to be heard. There was no response and I started to pound my open palm against the door as I managed to find my voice for the first time since I had arrived at Molly's house.

Tiffani Stearns
Molly! Molly? It's Tiffani! Are you in there Molly?

I give the door another effective slap with my open palm hoping that this one would be enough to catch the attention of Molly so she would allow me to enter inside of her home. There is still no response and I feel the frustration growing as I reach inside of my purse for my cell phone. I'd been on Twitter just earlier to send Molly a little something letting her know I was here in Los Angeles and she had indeed responded. So why was she choosing to ignore me now that I was knocking at her front door? I skimmed through my notifications quickly over my Twitter and that's when I realized that she did indeed send me a response, that she was out in the back in her basketball cart, so there was no wondering why she wasn't even answering the door in the first place. She probably couldn't even hear me from the backyard and I'd just been wasting my time knocking at the door like some kind of an idiot. I shake my head as I throw my phone back inside of my purse and make my way down along the pathway and start going around the back of the house itself heading towards the basketball court. I take another drag from my cigarette before tossing the butt down onto the ground and putting it out using the heel of my shoe as I notice what appears to be Molly herself sitting down on one of the benches near her basketball hoop. Her back is facing the direction in which I am walking towards her and I highly doubt she's even paying attention to her current surroundings.

Tiffani Stearns
Molly?

I call out her name tentatively as I approach closer towards the court and step through the open gate trying to steady the nervous beating of my heart. By now it was pounding so loudly inside of my chest that I was truly amazed Molly hadn't heard it even before I'd found myself calling out her name. She slowly turns around to face in the direction of where I was standing and I take a step back in surprise when I notice the bruises swelling on her face. She had not been kidding about getting involved in a fight the night before and that old uncomfortable feeling of guilt finds itself settling back inside the pit of my stomach. There is a coldness inside of Molly's eyes as she pulls herself up onto her feet and acting almost like I wasn't even there, like she was still alone out here on the basketball court. Yet I couldn't stop staring at the bruises, the black eye, and just the general mess of her physical appearance that was much more serious than her usual hangover from a night filled with drunken fun.

Tiffani Stearns
Jesus. Molly...

Molly Reid
You really didn't have to bother coming Tiffani.

Tiffani Stearns
I thought we already went over this, I wanted to come.

Molly Reid
Why? Just so you could laugh at me some more with your husband when you get back to San Diego?

Tiffani Stearns
That's not fair...

Molly Reid
I'm not in the mood to be the butt of your joke again Tiff. I had a rough night.

Tiffani Stearns
Yes. I can clearly see that all over your face.

Molly Reid
I only wish it had actually been your husband.

The words come out so casually from between her lips, like she was talking to me about the weather, and yet there was also this coldness that chilled me to the bone as I set my purse down onto the surface of the bench. With both of my hands free I simply crossed them in front of my chest as I moved in front of where Molly was standing in an attempt to keep from wandering too far away, there was something about her movements that made it clear she was looking for an escape, and I wanted to keep it right where she was so that I could attempt to have this conversation as smoothly as possible. Even though everything inside of myself was screaming that nothing about this was going smoothly and I was only inviting more trouble into both of our lives.

Tiffani Stearns
You don't really mean that.

Molly Reid
After he gave me shit when I did nothing wrong? Trust me Tiff, I fucking mean it.

Tiffani Stearns
That's why I wanted to come here, I just want to sort all of this mess out, everything got way out of hand.

Molly Reid
Who's fault is that? It's certainly not mine.

Molly makes the snide comment as she narrows in her eyes in my direction and winces slightly before pressing one hand up against the bruise on the left side of her face. I could clearly read all of the pain reflecting in her eyes and it forces me to swallow down that uncomfortable lump in my throat.

Tiffani Stearns
Molly, listen... I think there's a lot about Darrin that you don't understand.

Molly Reid
I really don't give a shit either.

Tiffani Stearns
You're not even giving me a chance to explain. I just think that Darrin got worried because he has this bad history where alcohol is concerned. He lost one of his best friends because of a drunk driver and I think it's something that still affects him today.

Molly Reid
How is this my problem exactly? Not everybody that drinks goes out there and gets behind the wheel of a car!

Tiffani Stearns
I wasn't accusing you of anything! I was only trying to show you that Darrin had a reason for why he felt so uncomfortable about you pushing me into joining you for another wild weekend of drinking.

Molly Reid
Seriously, what the fuck has happened to you Tiffani?

The question catches me by surprise as I take a step back almost like Molly has just reached out and slapped me across the face with no warning. Her words have about as much effect as a slap across the face. I'm stunned and unsure about how to approach this question because it feels like it could explode in my face without any kind of warning. I bite down on my bottom lip nervously as I find myself fiddling with the wedding band around my finger of my left hand.

Tiffani Stearns
I'm not sure what that even means Molly.

Molly Reid
It means since when do you let a man control every single thing you do AND who you do it with for that matter.

Tiffani Stearns
I do not let Darrin control me, he was only showing concern...

Molly Reid
You follow in every single decision that he makes, don't you Tiffani? I'm pretty sure he was the one behind that mastermind of a prank and you went along like the good little wife you want to be so badly.

Tiffani Stearns
Why are you attacking me Molly? I'm trying to make it right here!

Molly Reid
After YOU were the one who fucked everything up in the first place. I didn't do anything wrong Tiffani. All I wanted was for my best friend to come and party with me, I didn't think that was a crime.

Tiffani Stearns
You always make me feel guilty Molly! Like I was supposed to know about your stepfather even without you opening up to me in the first place. I feel guilty about not eating cupcakes with you or not coming to your party, don't you see how that's not okay to do that to a person who you say is your friend?

Molly Reid
Is it okay to blame a person for breaking up your marriage when it was nothing more than a ridiculous joke with your husband that clearly hates my guts?

Tiffani Stearns
He does not hate your guts...

The sound of my voice is small and pathetic even to my own ears as I continue to twist the ring around my finger. Molly snorts underneath her breath as she turns her back towards me heading in the direction of a basketball acting almost like I'm not even there any longer. As if I'd walked away in the middle of our conversation and she was free to find other things to amuse herself with now that I was no longer a distraction. I watch in silence as Molly begins to dribble the basketball around in a casual manner and the knot tightens itself inside of my throat as I feel a cold sense of dread creeping up along the back of my spine. I didn't want to lose my best friend. I didn't want to lose this connection with Molly and even if nobody else could understand what it meant, I understood it, and I believed with everything I had inside of myself that Molly understood it as well in her own way. I stepped closer towards her trying to force her attention back onto me as I reached out and grabbed the basketball right out of her hands. Molly's eyes widen in surprise and she takes a step back while she narrows her jaws with a slight sense of determination that must be brewing deep down on the inside. From what exactly I wasn't sure and I don't think she was about to share.

Tiffani Stearns
Molly, please, I don't want to lose my best friend.

Molly Reid
I'm never going to like your husband Tiffani.

Tiffani Stearns
We don't have to talk about him right now.

Molly's jaw remains narrowed and I wonder briefly out of fear if she's going to demand I get off her property. It feels like forever before she finally nods her head, accepting what I have just said, and I release my hold on the basketball letting it drop down against the pavement before it dribbles away further down along the court. I step closer towards Molly and can't even think about stopping myself before I have wrapped my arms around her in an embrace that I don't think she was quite expecting. I clutch onto my best friend and I wish I could tell her all of the ways in which I desperately needed her in my life. In ways I'm not even sure I quite understood myself, but I can't find the words, and instead I remain silent as I continue to hold onto Molly finally feeling her return the embrace. I'm not foolish enough to think that everything is perfect between us, but maybe this was the start of a step in the right direction, because this was a friendship I knew was worth holding onto in my life. It's not very often you meet someone who you feel could truly understand everything in your life which has driven you to this point.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door

Musical Inspiration ;; White Flag by Dido