Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2012 16:11:36 GMT -6
( this roleplay is written out of order as most killer parties are remembered out of order. )
It was a cold, chilly evening. The moon was out and about, serving as a makeshift flashlight for the world. This was the type of weather that evoked memories and cries of the past. Nobody could hide from the whipping wind or the voyeuristic stars.
In other words, I was fucking stoned.
I was somewhere up there in the clouds. I had been frying my mind all night long. There was something about lying on the living room floor with a massive orange dome on and in a state of baked that’d make Martha Stewart envious.
It was glorious.
Somehow I found my feet and wobbled towards the kitchen countertop. To my surprise, there was a midget sprawled out in front of the dishwasher. His forehead was bruised and seemed to have lots of white residue all over it.
This was Stumpy I later found out. We had cut rails on his forehead.
-----------------------------------------
DD’s Grocery had become our regular stop for all of our shenanigan needs. We were treated like royalty. I always had to pose for a photograph with a fan or two while Silver Squid waited. Nobody wanted a picture with him. That made me feel super good.
But tonight, man, tonight was the big night. It was the first annual Orange Octopus Orgy. I could only imagine the possibilities that would materialize and the orgies that I would be participating in while Silver Squid waited. That made me feel even better.
“How many cups do you want to buy?” Silver Squid said while looking down at a couple of different options.
“Enough to get totally wasted, dude.” I replied with the type of swagger that only I could formulate.
He shook his silver head and grabbed a bag of twenty. We then went to the register. We dropped our loot and looked directly at the ugly face of our cashier.
“How are you boys tonight?” Darlene said with a crooked smile.
“Keeping it real, trick.” I replied instantly.
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Me either.”
“Are ya’ll having a little party tonight?”
“What makes you think that?” Silver Squid said.
“Well, you have a lot of booze and cups here. And fifteen bottles of cold medicine.”
I quickly coughed. A lot. “Yea, I got a bad cold. Right, Squidward?”
Silver Squid sighed and nodded his head. He even offered a fake cough for our cause.
I had to call him out on it though. “That was real fake, Silver Squid. You must fake it like that all the time.”
“I fake being happy around you.” He replies. What a cunt.
We paid Darlene with a bad check and we on our way for our evening of debauchery. But not before she slipped her number in my pocket.
---------------------------------------------
“COME HERE, MIDGE!” I shouted at the top of my octo-lungs. Stumpy, sweaty and panicked, ran (well, wobbled quickly) away from me.
“Sir, please! I’m a person!” His squeaky voice cried out.
“MIDGE!” I was in hot pursuit. This was the second time I had ever chased a midge, and honestly, there was nothing like it.
“SIR!” Stumpy looked back as he pleaded. He turned back around and hit his massive head on the dishwasher. Stumpy crumbled on the way down, which you know, wasn’t that far down for him.
The girls giggled and patted me on the back. I retrieved some blow from my pocket and waved the baggie in front of the two whores.
“Oh boy! Let me have it.” One screamed.
“No, me!” The other responded just as loudly.
I made a pyramid of powder on Stumpy’s head. We then rode the painted pony all night long.
---------------------------------
We had the most important decision of our lives to make. We knew that the choice we made now would affect everything else. So we just decided to dive in and let the chips fall where they may.
“You can get the Mexican shit for real cheap, but that isn’t going to get you where ya’ll want to go. Now this stuff from Jamaica is super good.” Jake Devins sat on our couch with his bags of weed.
“Didn’t you used to be a wrestler?” I ask.
“Yeah. We even wrestled against each other! Don’t you remember, *****.”
Nope, I didn’t. So I said it. “Nope, I don’t. I don’t even remember what I did last week. Now give us two pounds of the Jamaican stuff and get the hell out of our place. You smell like asshole.”
Jake Devins was offended. He would have said something, but our money made him hush down. He left without saying goodbye! We just stood there and waved sadly.
--------------------------------------------
It was a quiet ride back to the apartment. The Silver Squid and I didn’t say much. The old Thunderbird burned down the night at an alarming speed. We always did things fast and hard. This was a perfect metaphor for our lives.
“You think this is going to work?” He asks, finally breaking the silence.
“I don’t know. I don’t really care either way. I just want to fuck shit up.” I replied quite honesty.
We stared at each other with our goofy costumes and started laughing.
“Thanks for doing this.” Silver Squid said.
I didn’t have an answer. A seriousness that had been foreign to this crusade made my throat tight. We had been through an awful lot together. Every obstacle in life we had faced and we had faced it together. Nobody else was left. We were the last cowboys of the Old West. Now he was looking at me with that look of seriousness again…
So I just hit the gas fast and hard.
Promo Vignette #3
RIMAC Arena
The Orange Octopus stands in his familiar spot. He’s right in front of a cheesy EXODUS PRO banner and looking directly into the camera. Except this time he’s thrown in a little curveball. He’s wearing an “I also sleep with Jon Collins” tee.
“Before I unleash a verbal lashing to The Greenpepper and a tongue bathing to Cunny Bug; I’d like to throw a word or two to Kallie Karter."
Orange Octopus looks somber. His enormous head lowers down. He’s really feeling bad.
“I WON, BITCH.”
He starts doing the Charleston!
“I’m not one to gloat, but damn girl, I won.”
The Orange Octopus keeps doing the dance. His rhythm is immaculate.
“I beat you like you beat the English language, Kallie Karter. I beat you like a drum. Hell, I beat you like I was Ike and you were Tina. Now word on the street is that you’re stuffing your enormous titties in an undersized bra and hightailing it out of town. Good riddance. Just be sure to get tested. I think I may have STDs.
Orange Octopus shakes that octo-noggin. He knows he’s being ridiculous.
“The Orange Octopus apologizes for being so mean, but you know, she said some pretty hurtful things about your orange pal here. I would like to be friendly and fornicate with everybody, but if you mess with the octopus; you gonna get the tentacles.”
He wiggles those tentacles right at us. One tentacle grazes the camera a little too seductively.
“Now that I’m done with that little piece of garbage, I want to focus in a much bigger piece of garbage. A piece of green garbage. You see, you insect. You are what’s wrong with professional wrestling. Your ridiculous gimmick, your ridiculous wrestling style and ridiculous behavior makes us all look stupid.”
The Orange Octopus stands still. He’s all about being serious.
“I can even look past all that. Really. I’m octopus enough to look beyond your numerous shortcomings and forgive for you not knowing any better. You’re just a mark that put on a mask and thought that made you a superstar. There’s a long line of idiots like you in this business. But there’s one thing about you that I cannot stand, I cannot forgive…”
The Orange Octopus holds his right index finger out like an arrow. His left hand, flat, blocks the right finger.
“You’re a cockblocker.”
We all groan. We all know that guy.
“You have been standing in the way of true love. The kind of love that everybody, every fan, every boy in the back is looking for. The love of a beautifully masked woman. Cunny Bug wants to be with me. She told me so.”
Octo-nod.
“But she’s too embarrassed to leave your side. She doesn’t want to break your little green heart. Me? I don’t care. I’ll step on your heart in a minute. There’s no doubt that everybody in EXODUS Pro can feel the sexual tension between me and her. I’m willing to wager for it.”
He taps his dome.
“I’m going to wager this. If I lose by some miracle, I will remove this and reveal what’s underneath. But when Silver Squid and I win, I will get that one night with her. Oh boy….Mmm.”
The Orange Octopus lets out a heavenly sigh.
“On December 30th, Santa may have already come and gone but the Orange Octopus will be in town to deliver a very special gift to Juniper Bug. She will get every inch of my orange goodness all over her. Greenpepper…you are nothing but a thorn in my thigh and that thorn is going to be removed, wiped in sweat and shoved right back in your eye.”
Orange Octopus leans forward now. His round face takes up the entire frame.
“Merry Christmas, kids.”
CUT.
It was a cold, chilly evening. The moon was out and about, serving as a makeshift flashlight for the world. This was the type of weather that evoked memories and cries of the past. Nobody could hide from the whipping wind or the voyeuristic stars.
In other words, I was fucking stoned.
I was somewhere up there in the clouds. I had been frying my mind all night long. There was something about lying on the living room floor with a massive orange dome on and in a state of baked that’d make Martha Stewart envious.
It was glorious.
Somehow I found my feet and wobbled towards the kitchen countertop. To my surprise, there was a midget sprawled out in front of the dishwasher. His forehead was bruised and seemed to have lots of white residue all over it.
This was Stumpy I later found out. We had cut rails on his forehead.
-----------------------------------------
DD’s Grocery had become our regular stop for all of our shenanigan needs. We were treated like royalty. I always had to pose for a photograph with a fan or two while Silver Squid waited. Nobody wanted a picture with him. That made me feel super good.
But tonight, man, tonight was the big night. It was the first annual Orange Octopus Orgy. I could only imagine the possibilities that would materialize and the orgies that I would be participating in while Silver Squid waited. That made me feel even better.
“How many cups do you want to buy?” Silver Squid said while looking down at a couple of different options.
“Enough to get totally wasted, dude.” I replied with the type of swagger that only I could formulate.
He shook his silver head and grabbed a bag of twenty. We then went to the register. We dropped our loot and looked directly at the ugly face of our cashier.
“How are you boys tonight?” Darlene said with a crooked smile.
“Keeping it real, trick.” I replied instantly.
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Me either.”
“Are ya’ll having a little party tonight?”
“What makes you think that?” Silver Squid said.
“Well, you have a lot of booze and cups here. And fifteen bottles of cold medicine.”
I quickly coughed. A lot. “Yea, I got a bad cold. Right, Squidward?”
Silver Squid sighed and nodded his head. He even offered a fake cough for our cause.
I had to call him out on it though. “That was real fake, Silver Squid. You must fake it like that all the time.”
“I fake being happy around you.” He replies. What a cunt.
We paid Darlene with a bad check and we on our way for our evening of debauchery. But not before she slipped her number in my pocket.
---------------------------------------------
“COME HERE, MIDGE!” I shouted at the top of my octo-lungs. Stumpy, sweaty and panicked, ran (well, wobbled quickly) away from me.
“Sir, please! I’m a person!” His squeaky voice cried out.
“MIDGE!” I was in hot pursuit. This was the second time I had ever chased a midge, and honestly, there was nothing like it.
“SIR!” Stumpy looked back as he pleaded. He turned back around and hit his massive head on the dishwasher. Stumpy crumbled on the way down, which you know, wasn’t that far down for him.
The girls giggled and patted me on the back. I retrieved some blow from my pocket and waved the baggie in front of the two whores.
“Oh boy! Let me have it.” One screamed.
“No, me!” The other responded just as loudly.
I made a pyramid of powder on Stumpy’s head. We then rode the painted pony all night long.
---------------------------------
We had the most important decision of our lives to make. We knew that the choice we made now would affect everything else. So we just decided to dive in and let the chips fall where they may.
“You can get the Mexican shit for real cheap, but that isn’t going to get you where ya’ll want to go. Now this stuff from Jamaica is super good.” Jake Devins sat on our couch with his bags of weed.
“Didn’t you used to be a wrestler?” I ask.
“Yeah. We even wrestled against each other! Don’t you remember, *****.”
Nope, I didn’t. So I said it. “Nope, I don’t. I don’t even remember what I did last week. Now give us two pounds of the Jamaican stuff and get the hell out of our place. You smell like asshole.”
Jake Devins was offended. He would have said something, but our money made him hush down. He left without saying goodbye! We just stood there and waved sadly.
--------------------------------------------
It was a quiet ride back to the apartment. The Silver Squid and I didn’t say much. The old Thunderbird burned down the night at an alarming speed. We always did things fast and hard. This was a perfect metaphor for our lives.
“You think this is going to work?” He asks, finally breaking the silence.
“I don’t know. I don’t really care either way. I just want to fuck shit up.” I replied quite honesty.
We stared at each other with our goofy costumes and started laughing.
“Thanks for doing this.” Silver Squid said.
I didn’t have an answer. A seriousness that had been foreign to this crusade made my throat tight. We had been through an awful lot together. Every obstacle in life we had faced and we had faced it together. Nobody else was left. We were the last cowboys of the Old West. Now he was looking at me with that look of seriousness again…
So I just hit the gas fast and hard.
Promo Vignette #3
RIMAC Arena
The Orange Octopus stands in his familiar spot. He’s right in front of a cheesy EXODUS PRO banner and looking directly into the camera. Except this time he’s thrown in a little curveball. He’s wearing an “I also sleep with Jon Collins” tee.
“Before I unleash a verbal lashing to The Greenpepper and a tongue bathing to Cunny Bug; I’d like to throw a word or two to Kallie Karter."
Orange Octopus looks somber. His enormous head lowers down. He’s really feeling bad.
“I WON, BITCH.”
He starts doing the Charleston!
“I’m not one to gloat, but damn girl, I won.”
The Orange Octopus keeps doing the dance. His rhythm is immaculate.
“I beat you like you beat the English language, Kallie Karter. I beat you like a drum. Hell, I beat you like I was Ike and you were Tina. Now word on the street is that you’re stuffing your enormous titties in an undersized bra and hightailing it out of town. Good riddance. Just be sure to get tested. I think I may have STDs.
Orange Octopus shakes that octo-noggin. He knows he’s being ridiculous.
“The Orange Octopus apologizes for being so mean, but you know, she said some pretty hurtful things about your orange pal here. I would like to be friendly and fornicate with everybody, but if you mess with the octopus; you gonna get the tentacles.”
He wiggles those tentacles right at us. One tentacle grazes the camera a little too seductively.
“Now that I’m done with that little piece of garbage, I want to focus in a much bigger piece of garbage. A piece of green garbage. You see, you insect. You are what’s wrong with professional wrestling. Your ridiculous gimmick, your ridiculous wrestling style and ridiculous behavior makes us all look stupid.”
The Orange Octopus stands still. He’s all about being serious.
“I can even look past all that. Really. I’m octopus enough to look beyond your numerous shortcomings and forgive for you not knowing any better. You’re just a mark that put on a mask and thought that made you a superstar. There’s a long line of idiots like you in this business. But there’s one thing about you that I cannot stand, I cannot forgive…”
The Orange Octopus holds his right index finger out like an arrow. His left hand, flat, blocks the right finger.
“You’re a cockblocker.”
We all groan. We all know that guy.
“You have been standing in the way of true love. The kind of love that everybody, every fan, every boy in the back is looking for. The love of a beautifully masked woman. Cunny Bug wants to be with me. She told me so.”
Octo-nod.
“But she’s too embarrassed to leave your side. She doesn’t want to break your little green heart. Me? I don’t care. I’ll step on your heart in a minute. There’s no doubt that everybody in EXODUS Pro can feel the sexual tension between me and her. I’m willing to wager for it.”
He taps his dome.
“I’m going to wager this. If I lose by some miracle, I will remove this and reveal what’s underneath. But when Silver Squid and I win, I will get that one night with her. Oh boy….Mmm.”
The Orange Octopus lets out a heavenly sigh.
“On December 30th, Santa may have already come and gone but the Orange Octopus will be in town to deliver a very special gift to Juniper Bug. She will get every inch of my orange goodness all over her. Greenpepper…you are nothing but a thorn in my thigh and that thorn is going to be removed, wiped in sweat and shoved right back in your eye.”
Orange Octopus leans forward now. His round face takes up the entire frame.
“Merry Christmas, kids.”
CUT.