Post by Deleted on May 9, 2015 21:21:55 GMT -6
I'm just not satisifed with myself anymore. Not like I used to be. One day I would just walk into that ring, get the job done, do what I need to do, and just walk out like nothing ever happened and that would be the end of it. I'd be done and on to the next one, but noooo...no no no no no. I'm never done anymore. I'm never proud of my accomplishments anymore. I'm like a cocaine addict looking for his next fix, I need to find it, I need to CRAVE my love for the next bastard that walks into my life, I need the violence in my life...for her, because I know how happy it makes her. Every single time I do what I need to do and see her smile, I know I did something right. I missed that. I miss seeing that from a human soul. To be craved a touch by a woman, to have her feel like she's proud of you. You know how LONG it has been since I have felt that? Because god only knows that nobody else out there feels the need to even talk to me. Yet...there she is. She's always there for me.
Back when the love of my life used to walk this Earth, she always told me that if I could put my mind to it...I could accomplish just about anything. Yeah, I know that she stole that from a movie, but it's a pretty damn good movie and it's a pretty damn good quote. And she was always there, no matter who did what...no matter who walked into my life and tried to wreck it, she was always there. When I was "told" that my loving daughter, Kimberly may not have been mine to begin with, that some other piece of writhing scum was the father of my child...she was always there. Even when she was near death...always there. And I'm not even talking about the weeks she had left on this Earth, because there was many other times she was near death and yet...she found a way to stick around because she knew that if she couldn't walk around or even be in my life, that I was going to be lost.
And that's exactly what happened. March the Third, 2010. FIVE YEARS AGO! I lost this pretty face because the gods have a sick fucking sense of humor.
They decided...why not make me lost out there in this universe. With a young girl in my arms who had NO idea what was even going on, and why "mommy had to go to sleep forever", and nowhere else to go. I love my parents to death and they do with me as well, but they wanted no part with her. They only had to take care of her because I wasn't mentally well enough TO take care of her. They know I have no right to be a single father because it would be just too much for my fragile mind to even take. They say that my head is wired like a god damn Plinko game from The Price is Right. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT MY DOCTORS HAVE TOLD ME!
This is why nobody wants anything to do with little ol' Kevin. You try to imagine how many nights I have fallen asleep by my lonesome, to the sweet sweet sounds of silence. Usually silence calms my nerves, but not now. Weeks, even a couple months passed by before I got a good night's sleep, and that was because of a lantern that appeared on my bedside one night. Maybe after the roughest night of my life. One where people showed their true colors, one where I saw that the darkest of blacks heading straight for me. And yet...when I sat on my bed...there it was.
And I felt it.
I felt the sweet, calming voice of her...she was calling. She was worried half to death with me when I haven't even seen her face before in all my life. But instead of walking away, instead of opening my apartment window and throwing this lantern out, instead of just hanging up my phone...I listened. Because here she was. She knew that something was wrong, and I hear that voice and it's the most beautiful thing in the world. I don't think I've slept that well in ages. In all my life. It was like my head was on her lap and she was running her fingers through my hair. It was what I needed. And to this day, it is still true.
And yet...yet, everybody who walks in my path, who walks in OUR path and tries to destroy us has easily failed. Savannah Taylor tried to avenge the loss of her dearly beloved and couldn't even get close, BECAUSE OF ME. She's now off trying to find other ways to stop the flame. Well, good luck. And now...Ruby Tyler is buzzing in my general direction like the world's most annoying fly and guess what I did? I put her on the shelf. She's going to miss her very first EXODUS show. Well B-O-O...H-O-O! That's what you get when you stick your nose in something you don't belong to. And I hope that when you watch this week's show and see me on there with a gleeful smile across my face. That's because of you, m'dear.
And yet, just when I FINALLY feel like I can sit back for a change, when I FINALLY get that satisfication that I've been looking for...another person has to walk up and try to destroy what is my cause. ESPECIALLY when it's the husband of your very own boss. How hilarious would that be, hmm? Because there's seriously nowhere to go but UP, right? To beat your owner's wife, the very thing that he loves more than anything in this galaxy...to send EXODUS into mass chaos in front of the very people who made this title that I carry into the stratosphere. In front of MY crowd. That...that would be the best gift a son could give a mom for Mother's Day, isn't it?
Because if I can't have the love of my life around anymore...neither can you, Jonathan. You have NO idea what you put Fiona into, good sir. Why put your wife into the middle of all of this? Sure, she wants a piece of The Family, but she isn't going to come anywhere close to us. You saw what happened to your golden boy Chandler Scott...his beloved Savannah Taylor...and Ruby Tyler was clinging to her life last time out. Do you think that your little sweetheart even touch me? Because you know me. Even you, Fiona. You know me all too well, love. Jonny boy, you know I'll choke the life out of her while you have to watch, begging and screaming. Hoping to the gods that I stop. And when I do...then...then...then that's the best part.
Because I'll just snap the bitch's poor little neck and throw her to the outside like she's a piece of meat for the wolves. Then...chaos.
Sweet, sweet chaos.
What happens after chaos? We'll just have to wait and see.
But for now...Happy Mother's Day!