Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 23:32:07 GMT -6
My psyche is shattered. My heart is broken once again. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES WILL IT TAKE FOR SOMEBODY TO GET IT OVER THEIR THICK SKULL THAT I WON'T STOP UNTIL I GET WHAT I WANT?!?!? But...I need to stop yelling.
Yelling won't get you anywhere. Yelling won't get you anywhere, Kevy.
Get out of my head, please?
Why? So you can keep pining over the one woman who won't answer to your advances? Who wants to be left alone. Who wants absolutely NOTHING to do with you? What makes her better than me, Kevin? Huh? What does she have that I never had in my life. I gave you a home. I gave you love. I gave you everything.
Yet...where the FUCK are you?!
Oh, I'm still here, honey. I never left you. No matter what everybody says, I never left you. I just needed to go away. I hope you understand one day.
When? When will I understand, huh? You gave me the world, yet here I am...alone in a bar, with nothing but my thoughts and nothing but my gut instincts. I need to move on. I need to find somebody who will give me the love and attention I CRAVE. I DESERVE. You gave up because you couldn't fight anymore. That's the problem. If you can't fight anymore, you fight even harder. You don't die until the Grim Reaper has to drag you away kicking and screaming. That's the way I am going to go out. Kicking and fucking screaming. You didn't do that one bit. You just walked away...like the bitch that you are. And that's why I'm here.
I WALKED AWAY?! I TRIED MY DAMNDEST TO STAY WITH YOU, KEVIN! And for what? To get mocked for? To get walked on like some poor heartless wench? I saw YOU walk away at one point, Kevin...and for what? For nothing. You just walked right back.
Because you made me.
What is that supposed to mean?
You made me and there was nothing that I could do about it. What did you want me to do? Stay in hiding. Stay where nobody could even see me. Far from it. Did you see what I did out there?
That's always been you, Kevin. Always the attention-seeker and always the one that needs it the most. You know what you are?
What?
A hopeless fucking romantic.
He closes his eyes and reopens them to see the bartender standing there...looking at him like she's concerned for somebody's own being. She waves towards Kevin, trying to get his attention.
"You okay, buddy? Do I have to cut you off?"
"I never even touched a drop."
Low and behold, his glass was indeed full from the time that he got it. Still looking confused, she reaches out and takes the glass away from him.
"Maybe you need some air. It'll be here when you get back."
He stands up and walks towards the door, a couple people looking at him but nobody really paying attention. He opens the door to have the light from the sun completely blind him from the dark light of the bar beaming on him. So much so that it takes away his sight for a few moments. Even with sunglasses on. He sits on the dingy curb and keeps looking up though. Just sighing. Just looking.
Just...hoping.
"Why do you have to fuck with me, Ani? I never know what I did to you."
Just...hoping that one day, the voice inside his head can finally go away. It's been 5 years. FIVE. FUCKING. YEARS. since he got that phone call. You know, that typical phone call where you find out that the person who loved you the most kicked the bucket because of a disease that she couldn't contain finally beat her. I know that just sounds really screwed up, but how else can you say that somebody died of cancer? It's just...it's just morbid. He's had a long history of cancer in the family, and yet...it struck at the place where it affected him the most.
And now he's here. Fighting against somebody who has affected him more than anybody these past couple months...years even. Ever since the day he lost her. And yet...there's this strange aura surrounding the both of them. Surrounding them like a ticking timebomb. You think it would have exploded at Battle Without Honor or Humanity 2...but it somehow didn't. After thumbtack kisses and suggestive chairshots to the head, there's still that time bomb. It's haunting.
But she wants nothing to do with him.
But he wants everything to do with her.
***My psyche is shattered. My heart is broken once again. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES WILL IT TAKE FOR SOMEBODY TO GET IT OVER THEIR THICK SKULL THAT I WON'T STOP UNTIL I GET WHAT I WANT?!?!?! But...I need to stop yelling.
Wait. I already said that.
I'm in a nightmare and I can't get out of it. I just want to wake up...and have her tell me that it was all a dream. To caress my hair and calm me down. But no...she'll never do that. So here I am, in this nightmare, waiting for the day that she'll finally accept my claims. Looking over and seeing...wait, what the fuck am I seeing? REALLY? I sit here, looking at the sun burning my flesh and my scars from a couple weeks ago, and I have to sit idly by as the person, the lost lady love of mine has to keep carrying my baby around like it's just some 5-year old's toy. I will give her credit, she made me bleed more than I have in years, so maybe that was her special way of saying that she loved me.
Or just a way of her telling me how much she hates my fucking guts.
Could be worse though.
It really could be worse.
I look at EXPRO #36 and I see that my beloved is in the fight of her life. With a shot at glory on the line. Maybe...just maybe the San Diego Bay title is not just my only baby anymore. But...that's for then. Me, I have to look on. I have to be the first person that has eyes laid on that night. Just think...EXPRO #36 could be somebody's very first time tuning into EXODUS and what are they going to see? A fucking clown. I...I thought that I was behind all of that. I get to beat the ever loving shit out of a clown.
Why?
I know that I didn't walk out of Battle Without Honor or Humanity the victor, but I certainly should get a better rap than facing somebody who thinks he knows how fucking magnets work.
Wait...does he know how magnets work because I've been clamoring to know that for YEARS now.
Where did I go just now? Oh...the juggalo...HAHAHAHAHA, sorry, that word.
Do you know why you sleep at night? Knowing that the name you gave yourself is the worst name I've heard in professional wrestling since the name...(...he looks up and thinks for a second...) Zack Lifer? We'll go with Zack Lifer since that's what the cool kids are doing for fun these days. But no...yours is a million times worse. And I'm pretty sure that if I do hear you talk, it's going to be the same twisted story I've heard a million million million MILLION fucking times. Even though you're this crazy person, you think you have a story to tell. You think you're this strong and tough guy with nothing to lose.
Yeah, you have nothing to lose. Too bad you have nothing to win either. You know who you're going up against, right? You watched Battle Without Honor or Humanity, right? You saw that I was in only the SECOND Chairshot Survival match, right? A match where I pretty much got the tar beaten out of me by the toughest female on the EXODUS roster, right? Yeah, laugh all you want, but umm...I got a problem. Yeah, that problem is with you. Because I'm pretty sure you're walking into your own death sentence, pal. It's not you...actually, it's definitely you. Because I have to beat the Faygo out of you.
I can't believe I just said that.
I need that drink.
So umm...yeah, nice knowing you Crazy...no wait, it's Violent...nah, that's too cliched...WICKED J, yeah that's it.
Whatever.***
He stands back up and steps back in, country music blasting on the stereo. Ugh. What a way to walk back inside. But as he's walking back over to the bar, he notices somebody on a laptop in the corner of his eye, sitting at a stool over by the TV, probably the nicest part of the bar if you ask me. But that's not important...
Out of all of the bars in the USA, she walks into mine. How? Why? What the hell? In some form of cliched manner, she's here. The one that beat him into next year at Battle Without Honor or Humanity.
Sweet lil' Ruby.
He sits back down at his seat in the bar...a different bartender has taken the place of the cute female that told him to get some sun during his panic attack. He asks for a drink for himself...and then...
"Oh, barkeep?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Can you give that young lady over there a tequila shot? My treat."
"Sure thing."
As he takes a drink from his glass, giving her glance after glance as she's sitting away from him, not able to see him. Although as she turns her head, so does he...don't want to give it away that soon. But as he watches the barkeep give her the shot, said barkeep tells her who the drink is from as he waves over to the bar.
And she notices.
And he waves.
Yelling won't get you anywhere. Yelling won't get you anywhere, Kevy.
Get out of my head, please?
Why? So you can keep pining over the one woman who won't answer to your advances? Who wants to be left alone. Who wants absolutely NOTHING to do with you? What makes her better than me, Kevin? Huh? What does she have that I never had in my life. I gave you a home. I gave you love. I gave you everything.
Yet...where the FUCK are you?!
Oh, I'm still here, honey. I never left you. No matter what everybody says, I never left you. I just needed to go away. I hope you understand one day.
When? When will I understand, huh? You gave me the world, yet here I am...alone in a bar, with nothing but my thoughts and nothing but my gut instincts. I need to move on. I need to find somebody who will give me the love and attention I CRAVE. I DESERVE. You gave up because you couldn't fight anymore. That's the problem. If you can't fight anymore, you fight even harder. You don't die until the Grim Reaper has to drag you away kicking and screaming. That's the way I am going to go out. Kicking and fucking screaming. You didn't do that one bit. You just walked away...like the bitch that you are. And that's why I'm here.
I WALKED AWAY?! I TRIED MY DAMNDEST TO STAY WITH YOU, KEVIN! And for what? To get mocked for? To get walked on like some poor heartless wench? I saw YOU walk away at one point, Kevin...and for what? For nothing. You just walked right back.
Because you made me.
What is that supposed to mean?
You made me and there was nothing that I could do about it. What did you want me to do? Stay in hiding. Stay where nobody could even see me. Far from it. Did you see what I did out there?
That's always been you, Kevin. Always the attention-seeker and always the one that needs it the most. You know what you are?
What?
A hopeless fucking romantic.
He closes his eyes and reopens them to see the bartender standing there...looking at him like she's concerned for somebody's own being. She waves towards Kevin, trying to get his attention.
"You okay, buddy? Do I have to cut you off?"
"I never even touched a drop."
Low and behold, his glass was indeed full from the time that he got it. Still looking confused, she reaches out and takes the glass away from him.
"Maybe you need some air. It'll be here when you get back."
He stands up and walks towards the door, a couple people looking at him but nobody really paying attention. He opens the door to have the light from the sun completely blind him from the dark light of the bar beaming on him. So much so that it takes away his sight for a few moments. Even with sunglasses on. He sits on the dingy curb and keeps looking up though. Just sighing. Just looking.
Just...hoping.
"Why do you have to fuck with me, Ani? I never know what I did to you."
Just...hoping that one day, the voice inside his head can finally go away. It's been 5 years. FIVE. FUCKING. YEARS. since he got that phone call. You know, that typical phone call where you find out that the person who loved you the most kicked the bucket because of a disease that she couldn't contain finally beat her. I know that just sounds really screwed up, but how else can you say that somebody died of cancer? It's just...it's just morbid. He's had a long history of cancer in the family, and yet...it struck at the place where it affected him the most.
And now he's here. Fighting against somebody who has affected him more than anybody these past couple months...years even. Ever since the day he lost her. And yet...there's this strange aura surrounding the both of them. Surrounding them like a ticking timebomb. You think it would have exploded at Battle Without Honor or Humanity 2...but it somehow didn't. After thumbtack kisses and suggestive chairshots to the head, there's still that time bomb. It's haunting.
But she wants nothing to do with him.
But he wants everything to do with her.
***My psyche is shattered. My heart is broken once again. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES WILL IT TAKE FOR SOMEBODY TO GET IT OVER THEIR THICK SKULL THAT I WON'T STOP UNTIL I GET WHAT I WANT?!?!?! But...I need to stop yelling.
Wait. I already said that.
I'm in a nightmare and I can't get out of it. I just want to wake up...and have her tell me that it was all a dream. To caress my hair and calm me down. But no...she'll never do that. So here I am, in this nightmare, waiting for the day that she'll finally accept my claims. Looking over and seeing...wait, what the fuck am I seeing? REALLY? I sit here, looking at the sun burning my flesh and my scars from a couple weeks ago, and I have to sit idly by as the person, the lost lady love of mine has to keep carrying my baby around like it's just some 5-year old's toy. I will give her credit, she made me bleed more than I have in years, so maybe that was her special way of saying that she loved me.
Or just a way of her telling me how much she hates my fucking guts.
Could be worse though.
It really could be worse.
I look at EXPRO #36 and I see that my beloved is in the fight of her life. With a shot at glory on the line. Maybe...just maybe the San Diego Bay title is not just my only baby anymore. But...that's for then. Me, I have to look on. I have to be the first person that has eyes laid on that night. Just think...EXPRO #36 could be somebody's very first time tuning into EXODUS and what are they going to see? A fucking clown. I...I thought that I was behind all of that. I get to beat the ever loving shit out of a clown.
Why?
I know that I didn't walk out of Battle Without Honor or Humanity the victor, but I certainly should get a better rap than facing somebody who thinks he knows how fucking magnets work.
Wait...does he know how magnets work because I've been clamoring to know that for YEARS now.
Where did I go just now? Oh...the juggalo...HAHAHAHAHA, sorry, that word.
Do you know why you sleep at night? Knowing that the name you gave yourself is the worst name I've heard in professional wrestling since the name...(...he looks up and thinks for a second...) Zack Lifer? We'll go with Zack Lifer since that's what the cool kids are doing for fun these days. But no...yours is a million times worse. And I'm pretty sure that if I do hear you talk, it's going to be the same twisted story I've heard a million million million MILLION fucking times. Even though you're this crazy person, you think you have a story to tell. You think you're this strong and tough guy with nothing to lose.
Yeah, you have nothing to lose. Too bad you have nothing to win either. You know who you're going up against, right? You watched Battle Without Honor or Humanity, right? You saw that I was in only the SECOND Chairshot Survival match, right? A match where I pretty much got the tar beaten out of me by the toughest female on the EXODUS roster, right? Yeah, laugh all you want, but umm...I got a problem. Yeah, that problem is with you. Because I'm pretty sure you're walking into your own death sentence, pal. It's not you...actually, it's definitely you. Because I have to beat the Faygo out of you.
I can't believe I just said that.
I need that drink.
So umm...yeah, nice knowing you Crazy...no wait, it's Violent...nah, that's too cliched...WICKED J, yeah that's it.
Whatever.***
He stands back up and steps back in, country music blasting on the stereo. Ugh. What a way to walk back inside. But as he's walking back over to the bar, he notices somebody on a laptop in the corner of his eye, sitting at a stool over by the TV, probably the nicest part of the bar if you ask me. But that's not important...
Out of all of the bars in the USA, she walks into mine. How? Why? What the hell? In some form of cliched manner, she's here. The one that beat him into next year at Battle Without Honor or Humanity.
Sweet lil' Ruby.
He sits back down at his seat in the bar...a different bartender has taken the place of the cute female that told him to get some sun during his panic attack. He asks for a drink for himself...and then...
"Oh, barkeep?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Can you give that young lady over there a tequila shot? My treat."
"Sure thing."
As he takes a drink from his glass, giving her glance after glance as she's sitting away from him, not able to see him. Although as she turns her head, so does he...don't want to give it away that soon. But as he watches the barkeep give her the shot, said barkeep tells her who the drink is from as he waves over to the bar.
And she notices.
And he waves.