Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2013 16:01:24 GMT -6
[Hello San Diego! That’s what Rizzo yells as he gets off the plane and walks into San Diego International Airport. Nobody is amused. Rizzo is, as he usually amuses himself. A lot of the people around recognize him. Some people ask for autographs, which he gives out with glee. He has two big dudes with him, guys we’ve not yet seen before. One is a rather large, white, bald guy with a bushy beard. The other is tall, built, blue black with an Afro. Heidi, Rizzo’s wife, is right next to him, looking very happy to be in a much warmer climate. Goddamned 20 degree weather in RI. They get to the Hertz rental car booth. Things do not fare well…]
Hertz employee: Welcome to Hertz. Do you have a vehicle reserved?
Rizzo: Indeed. Last name Myers, first name Rizzo.
HE: Rizzo, like the Jerky Boys?
Rizzo: Yeah, something like that.
[The employee hits a few keys. As they read the screen, it is apparent things are not good.]
HE: Um, yes, well, I’m sorry, but it seems someone may have made a mistake. See, it says you reserved a BMW 725i, but it seems someone already checked it out.
Rizzo: Well, that’s not good. What do you have available.
HE: That is the really bad news. We have one vehicle that is not reserved and is definitely on the lot [HE shots a glance at the group. And it certainly has enough room for all of you and your luggage.
Rizzo: Well, that can’t be that bad. We’ll take it.
Heidi: Shouldn’t we find out what it is first?
Rizzo: Nah, fuck it. We’ve only got it for a few days. Once we find a suitable house, we’ll get a nice car for out here. Maybe something convertible. Until then, whatever it is will be fine.
Nick [The large bald white guy]: Um, are you sure? This could be very, very embarrassing.
Sam [The other guy, who apparently has a thick Cockney accent.]: Oy, I agree with Nick here.
Rizzo: You guys worry too much. We’ll take it.
HE: Ok, here you go. It’s in spot G-12.
Rizzo: Is that a G spot?
Heidi: You’re such a fucking child.
[Rizzo pays the employee and is handed the keys. Rizzo looks at the keys but cannot determine what type of vehicle they have been given. They make their way to the Hertz shuttle. As they take their seats, the conversation drifts towards Rizzo’s new employment.]
Rizzo: That Zortalk guy is one weird motherfucker. A space Pharaoh?
Nick: come on dude, we’ve seen weirder. Much weirder, in fact. Jesus, remember that guy, what was his name…. the guy who faked killing terrorists on a plane.
Rizzo: Boca del Inferno. Christ almighty. Remember the actor he paid to be Cory Taylor form Slipknot all of the time? If there was ever one emo bastard who I wish hadn’t missed a few veins when he cut himself, he’d be that one.
Heidi: Weird or not, he seems to be pretty good. Plus, he just lost to someone, and as you know, a loss can be quite a motivation to get good and do better.
Rizzo: You do have a point. I know I was always super pissed when I lost, and that made me want to pick my game up the next time around. Sometimes, though, that anger can cause you to lose focus, and you get so enraged and so focused on just bashing the fuck out of your opponent, you almost forget how to do it. But, I don’t get the sense that Zortalk is like that at all. Plus, he’s got that Donovan Torment cat in his corner. I don’t like those odds very much.
Sam: Want me or Nick to come down with ya, to even out the odds? I’m down for a bit of skull crushing.
Rizzo: Absolutely not. I like defying the odds. If I come out of this unscathed and victorious, then that’ll one hell of a good step in the right direction. If I lose, especially if Torment gets his shit into my business, then my stock doesn’t really diminish. A loss sucks, no doubt about that, but a loss under suspect circumstances doesn’t sting quite so bad. I’ll take my lumps like a man, but I do appreciate the offer.
Sam: If you change your mind, let a bloke know.
Rizzo: I’ll keep that in mind. But, you guys have more important work to do while I’m working.
Nick: Is this your recon mission you were referring to on the flight?
Rizzo: Indeed it does. I want a full report on all of the bars within a 1 mile radius from whatever house we end up renting out here. I figured who better to asses them than the two biggest lushes I know?
Sam: Fucking right. I’m looking forward to this. Besides, I heard these West coast birds are a bit looser than the slags back east.
Rizzo: I wouldn’t know. I’ve been stuck with this slag forever. [Smiles at Heidi.]
Heidi: Fuck you very much.
Nick: How are we going to get around if you have the vehicle?
Rizzo: I won’t be driving it while I’m working, will I?
Nick: Good point.
Rizzo: Anyway, I’m going to be busy in the gym. I can’t take this opportunity lightly. I watched his last match against Orange Octopus. Zortalk’s no slouch, and he did kind of get hosed at the end.
[The shuttle revs up and takes off. A minute later, the shuttle stops. Rizzo and his crew get out. They look around and sure enough, there’s only one vehicle left. All four of their eyes go wide. Rizzo is first to speak.]
Rizzo: You’ve got o be fucking kidding me.
Heidi: Well, dipshit, you’re the one who said it doesn’t matter, you’ll take whatever they have.
Rizzo: But… but…
Nick: This is not going to end well.
Sam: How the hell am I supposed to get laid in that?!
[The camera pans and there, siting all alone is a windowless, white van. Children, beware. ]
Rizzo: Well, Sam, lots of people get laid in a rape van.
Sam: Funny.
Nick: Want me to paint free candy on the side?
[All four of them share a laugh.]
Rizzo: I think that’d be quiet alright, Nick. I don’t feel like getting pulled over every other stop light. [Rizzo pauses, and takes a deep breath] Fuck me. Well, I asked for it, I guess. My luck better be better in the ring. Otherwise, this is going to be one shitty comeback.
Heidi: I wonder if there’s a dirty mattress in the back.
Rizzo: Perish the thought.
[All goes to black as the foursome makes their way to the vehicle, rather dejectedly I might add. The words “HIDE YOUR KIDS” flash across the screen and then all is gone.]
Hertz employee: Welcome to Hertz. Do you have a vehicle reserved?
Rizzo: Indeed. Last name Myers, first name Rizzo.
HE: Rizzo, like the Jerky Boys?
Rizzo: Yeah, something like that.
[The employee hits a few keys. As they read the screen, it is apparent things are not good.]
HE: Um, yes, well, I’m sorry, but it seems someone may have made a mistake. See, it says you reserved a BMW 725i, but it seems someone already checked it out.
Rizzo: Well, that’s not good. What do you have available.
HE: That is the really bad news. We have one vehicle that is not reserved and is definitely on the lot [HE shots a glance at the group. And it certainly has enough room for all of you and your luggage.
Rizzo: Well, that can’t be that bad. We’ll take it.
Heidi: Shouldn’t we find out what it is first?
Rizzo: Nah, fuck it. We’ve only got it for a few days. Once we find a suitable house, we’ll get a nice car for out here. Maybe something convertible. Until then, whatever it is will be fine.
Nick [The large bald white guy]: Um, are you sure? This could be very, very embarrassing.
Sam [The other guy, who apparently has a thick Cockney accent.]: Oy, I agree with Nick here.
Rizzo: You guys worry too much. We’ll take it.
HE: Ok, here you go. It’s in spot G-12.
Rizzo: Is that a G spot?
Heidi: You’re such a fucking child.
[Rizzo pays the employee and is handed the keys. Rizzo looks at the keys but cannot determine what type of vehicle they have been given. They make their way to the Hertz shuttle. As they take their seats, the conversation drifts towards Rizzo’s new employment.]
Rizzo: That Zortalk guy is one weird motherfucker. A space Pharaoh?
Nick: come on dude, we’ve seen weirder. Much weirder, in fact. Jesus, remember that guy, what was his name…. the guy who faked killing terrorists on a plane.
Rizzo: Boca del Inferno. Christ almighty. Remember the actor he paid to be Cory Taylor form Slipknot all of the time? If there was ever one emo bastard who I wish hadn’t missed a few veins when he cut himself, he’d be that one.
Heidi: Weird or not, he seems to be pretty good. Plus, he just lost to someone, and as you know, a loss can be quite a motivation to get good and do better.
Rizzo: You do have a point. I know I was always super pissed when I lost, and that made me want to pick my game up the next time around. Sometimes, though, that anger can cause you to lose focus, and you get so enraged and so focused on just bashing the fuck out of your opponent, you almost forget how to do it. But, I don’t get the sense that Zortalk is like that at all. Plus, he’s got that Donovan Torment cat in his corner. I don’t like those odds very much.
Sam: Want me or Nick to come down with ya, to even out the odds? I’m down for a bit of skull crushing.
Rizzo: Absolutely not. I like defying the odds. If I come out of this unscathed and victorious, then that’ll one hell of a good step in the right direction. If I lose, especially if Torment gets his shit into my business, then my stock doesn’t really diminish. A loss sucks, no doubt about that, but a loss under suspect circumstances doesn’t sting quite so bad. I’ll take my lumps like a man, but I do appreciate the offer.
Sam: If you change your mind, let a bloke know.
Rizzo: I’ll keep that in mind. But, you guys have more important work to do while I’m working.
Nick: Is this your recon mission you were referring to on the flight?
Rizzo: Indeed it does. I want a full report on all of the bars within a 1 mile radius from whatever house we end up renting out here. I figured who better to asses them than the two biggest lushes I know?
Sam: Fucking right. I’m looking forward to this. Besides, I heard these West coast birds are a bit looser than the slags back east.
Rizzo: I wouldn’t know. I’ve been stuck with this slag forever. [Smiles at Heidi.]
Heidi: Fuck you very much.
Nick: How are we going to get around if you have the vehicle?
Rizzo: I won’t be driving it while I’m working, will I?
Nick: Good point.
Rizzo: Anyway, I’m going to be busy in the gym. I can’t take this opportunity lightly. I watched his last match against Orange Octopus. Zortalk’s no slouch, and he did kind of get hosed at the end.
[The shuttle revs up and takes off. A minute later, the shuttle stops. Rizzo and his crew get out. They look around and sure enough, there’s only one vehicle left. All four of their eyes go wide. Rizzo is first to speak.]
Rizzo: You’ve got o be fucking kidding me.
Heidi: Well, dipshit, you’re the one who said it doesn’t matter, you’ll take whatever they have.
Rizzo: But… but…
Nick: This is not going to end well.
Sam: How the hell am I supposed to get laid in that?!
[The camera pans and there, siting all alone is a windowless, white van. Children, beware. ]
Rizzo: Well, Sam, lots of people get laid in a rape van.
Sam: Funny.
Nick: Want me to paint free candy on the side?
[All four of them share a laugh.]
Rizzo: I think that’d be quiet alright, Nick. I don’t feel like getting pulled over every other stop light. [Rizzo pauses, and takes a deep breath] Fuck me. Well, I asked for it, I guess. My luck better be better in the ring. Otherwise, this is going to be one shitty comeback.
Heidi: I wonder if there’s a dirty mattress in the back.
Rizzo: Perish the thought.
[All goes to black as the foursome makes their way to the vehicle, rather dejectedly I might add. The words “HIDE YOUR KIDS” flash across the screen and then all is gone.]