Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2013 13:12:14 GMT -6
"Defying the odds?
"Have you ever transcended both space and time?"
[Emerging from a vat of egg timers in an IKEA store, "The Master of Reality", "The Interstellar Sultan", "The Space Pharaoh" Zortalk arises. A few alarms go off, dinging repeatedly as he stepped over the particle board container. He straightens his headdress, checks his pockets for party crashing timers and looks forward.]
"You see Mr. Myers, I have let the sun beat down on my face, stars have filled my dreams. I am what you would call a traveler of both time and space. I am not exactly concerned with your stabbin' wagon, your blokes and mates or your foxy sassy German Hilda.
"Heidegger, maybe, but admittedly my ontological centaur doesn't quite relate to the ontological ontic of dasein, if you catch my drift?"
[He chuckles, walking down the aisle of kitchen supplies that hipsters and modernists swoon at. Well, those with money who don't want to explore the nostalgic attic of Good Will and Salvation Army.]
"But what I am concerned with Rizzo, is the Being-Toward-Death ideology that one must face as he stares into the black hole of defeat. As you have admitted, I was hosed, I was stripped of my debut victory from a man in an octopus suit, an orange one at that. It was very unpleasant to walk to the back, with my head hung low, my emotions dragging on the floor behind me and all of Space Egypt weeping.
"It was a dark day in Space Thebes."
[Lamenting, Zortalk looks at a square bowl set.]
"My People cannot suffer another loss. Do not mistake this as desperation or a fear of loss. I do not fear Failure. After all, Failing is "Finding an Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth". But I need no more growth Rizzo. I am swelling, bulging, ready to explode from these confides. It is you that needs growth, experience and lessons in how the gravitons and higgs boson reacts and relate to the terminal velocity of my holy body onto thee."
[Square Bowls are so 1976. He'll get them when 70's chic and ladies with bush are back in style. Probably five years or so.]
["The Space Pharaoh" continues on his mission, leaving the kitchen ware and finding him in the magical world of pillows, sleep wares and bedding. Admiring the cloud like nature of the pillows, he continues.]
"You've been out of the game for some time. And while I am pleased that I am not held in such high esteem for weirdness as the Mouth of Hell and his anti-islamic leanings, I wonder what you wish to truly achieve against me in our match.
"Victory, as you know, will not be achieved against me. Yet you still hold onto the notion that a couple more deep leg bends, yoga and long term tantric coitus will improve your chances against me. While flexibility, strength and intelligent are desires in our sport, they are only the measurable forces that one can rely upon.
"The unmeasurable, the unknown, what lies behind the curtain of matter and anti-matter is where the real decisions are made.
"Do you know what your totem animal is, Rizzo?"
[Zortalk muses while checking pillows for maximum bounce, breathability and anti-bedhead technologies.]
"The reason, the real reason that the Orange Octopus defeated me was that he had become a singularity of existence with his totem animal. And no, it was not the Octopus identity that he has adopted. That is merely obvious alteration for merchandising opportunities and likely the original costume design from whatever Party Town USA he went to when he had his mid-life crisis. Why he assumed that identity and didn't buy a a new car, only the Space Godz know.
"Although, it does make The Silver Squid a Nazi Sympathizer by 311/KKK rules..."
"I digress. Orange Octopus had obtained an understanding with his guide. He knew that he was aligned with the cosmic vertex and the ocelot would not prove him wrong. Sadly, it wasn't until intense meditation that I was able to discover my guardian."
[Upon discovering the price tag, "The Space Pharaoh" realizes that IKEA may not have been the optimal starting location for new appliances for his home base apartment.]
[Slowly, he retreats out of the bedding section hoping to find himself in the old department, but even "The Interstellar Sultan" is lost in the supermarket with the Clash.]
[With fake plants around him, he takes refuge next to reprints of famous artwork.]
"I will not be defeated by the Ocelot Octopus alliance in the future. And as Space Egypt as my witness, I will not be bested by three men in a rape van either.
"Rizzo, you will discover my totem animal.
"You will fall to the family Alpheidae.
"Space Egypt shall Rise."
-----------------
Hertz Car Rental
San Diego International Airport, CA
January 21st, 2013
Zortalk:
"Greetings Mortal."
Hertz Employee:
"... Hello, how can I help you gentlemen?"
[Stepping in the middle of Zortalk and the confused employee is Donavon Torment. He smiles the best he can, but even the Hertz Employee feels a little dirty from the grin.]
Donavon Torment:
"Yes, we'd like to rent a car. Something fast, flashy and says 'I'm a big deal, but you don't know yet.'"
Zortalk:
"Preferably something that can make the kessel run in under 12 parsecs."
Donavon Torment:
"And we'd like it now."
[Rolling his eyes, the employee types into his computer.]
Hertz Employee:
"Well, you're in luck, we've got a white dodge astrovan. Now, I know you boys wanted something fast, but this is all I've got at the time."
Donavon Torment:
"Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa... an astrovan? Didn't you hear my man over here?
Zortalk:
"... Under Twelve Parsecs."
Donavon Torment:
"Do you know what that means? We need something FAST. We're sort of in a hurry."
Hertz Employee:
"Yeah, I heard that request. All I've got available right now is the Astrovan."
Zortalk:
"You and your marketing team can't fool me. No Van can achieve Astro status and not be fast. I demand something flash, fast and something with leather seats."
[The employee looks around briefly, to see if supervisors are around.]
Hertz Employee:
"Tell you what. My shift is over in twenty minutes, we've got a reservation for a BMW 725i in an hour. Lets say if a certain party was to buy extra insurance, slip me a hundo and gives me a good review on the website... I'd be inclined to help you gentlemen out.
[Donavon smirks.]
Donavon Torment:
"I think we've got a deal."
[Handshake.]
"Have you ever transcended both space and time?"
[Emerging from a vat of egg timers in an IKEA store, "The Master of Reality", "The Interstellar Sultan", "The Space Pharaoh" Zortalk arises. A few alarms go off, dinging repeatedly as he stepped over the particle board container. He straightens his headdress, checks his pockets for party crashing timers and looks forward.]
"You see Mr. Myers, I have let the sun beat down on my face, stars have filled my dreams. I am what you would call a traveler of both time and space. I am not exactly concerned with your stabbin' wagon, your blokes and mates or your foxy sassy German Hilda.
"Heidegger, maybe, but admittedly my ontological centaur doesn't quite relate to the ontological ontic of dasein, if you catch my drift?"
[He chuckles, walking down the aisle of kitchen supplies that hipsters and modernists swoon at. Well, those with money who don't want to explore the nostalgic attic of Good Will and Salvation Army.]
"But what I am concerned with Rizzo, is the Being-Toward-Death ideology that one must face as he stares into the black hole of defeat. As you have admitted, I was hosed, I was stripped of my debut victory from a man in an octopus suit, an orange one at that. It was very unpleasant to walk to the back, with my head hung low, my emotions dragging on the floor behind me and all of Space Egypt weeping.
"It was a dark day in Space Thebes."
[Lamenting, Zortalk looks at a square bowl set.]
"My People cannot suffer another loss. Do not mistake this as desperation or a fear of loss. I do not fear Failure. After all, Failing is "Finding an Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth". But I need no more growth Rizzo. I am swelling, bulging, ready to explode from these confides. It is you that needs growth, experience and lessons in how the gravitons and higgs boson reacts and relate to the terminal velocity of my holy body onto thee."
[Square Bowls are so 1976. He'll get them when 70's chic and ladies with bush are back in style. Probably five years or so.]
["The Space Pharaoh" continues on his mission, leaving the kitchen ware and finding him in the magical world of pillows, sleep wares and bedding. Admiring the cloud like nature of the pillows, he continues.]
"You've been out of the game for some time. And while I am pleased that I am not held in such high esteem for weirdness as the Mouth of Hell and his anti-islamic leanings, I wonder what you wish to truly achieve against me in our match.
"Victory, as you know, will not be achieved against me. Yet you still hold onto the notion that a couple more deep leg bends, yoga and long term tantric coitus will improve your chances against me. While flexibility, strength and intelligent are desires in our sport, they are only the measurable forces that one can rely upon.
"The unmeasurable, the unknown, what lies behind the curtain of matter and anti-matter is where the real decisions are made.
"Do you know what your totem animal is, Rizzo?"
[Zortalk muses while checking pillows for maximum bounce, breathability and anti-bedhead technologies.]
"The reason, the real reason that the Orange Octopus defeated me was that he had become a singularity of existence with his totem animal. And no, it was not the Octopus identity that he has adopted. That is merely obvious alteration for merchandising opportunities and likely the original costume design from whatever Party Town USA he went to when he had his mid-life crisis. Why he assumed that identity and didn't buy a a new car, only the Space Godz know.
"Although, it does make The Silver Squid a Nazi Sympathizer by 311/KKK rules..."
"I digress. Orange Octopus had obtained an understanding with his guide. He knew that he was aligned with the cosmic vertex and the ocelot would not prove him wrong. Sadly, it wasn't until intense meditation that I was able to discover my guardian."
[Upon discovering the price tag, "The Space Pharaoh" realizes that IKEA may not have been the optimal starting location for new appliances for his home base apartment.]
[Slowly, he retreats out of the bedding section hoping to find himself in the old department, but even "The Interstellar Sultan" is lost in the supermarket with the Clash.]
[With fake plants around him, he takes refuge next to reprints of famous artwork.]
"I will not be defeated by the Ocelot Octopus alliance in the future. And as Space Egypt as my witness, I will not be bested by three men in a rape van either.
"Rizzo, you will discover my totem animal.
"You will fall to the family Alpheidae.
"Space Egypt shall Rise."
-----------------
Hertz Car Rental
San Diego International Airport, CA
January 21st, 2013
Zortalk:
"Greetings Mortal."
Hertz Employee:
"... Hello, how can I help you gentlemen?"
[Stepping in the middle of Zortalk and the confused employee is Donavon Torment. He smiles the best he can, but even the Hertz Employee feels a little dirty from the grin.]
Donavon Torment:
"Yes, we'd like to rent a car. Something fast, flashy and says 'I'm a big deal, but you don't know yet.'"
Zortalk:
"Preferably something that can make the kessel run in under 12 parsecs."
Donavon Torment:
"And we'd like it now."
[Rolling his eyes, the employee types into his computer.]
Hertz Employee:
"Well, you're in luck, we've got a white dodge astrovan. Now, I know you boys wanted something fast, but this is all I've got at the time."
Donavon Torment:
"Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa... an astrovan? Didn't you hear my man over here?
Zortalk:
"... Under Twelve Parsecs."
Donavon Torment:
"Do you know what that means? We need something FAST. We're sort of in a hurry."
Hertz Employee:
"Yeah, I heard that request. All I've got available right now is the Astrovan."
Zortalk:
"You and your marketing team can't fool me. No Van can achieve Astro status and not be fast. I demand something flash, fast and something with leather seats."
[The employee looks around briefly, to see if supervisors are around.]
Hertz Employee:
"Tell you what. My shift is over in twenty minutes, we've got a reservation for a BMW 725i in an hour. Lets say if a certain party was to buy extra insurance, slip me a hundo and gives me a good review on the website... I'd be inclined to help you gentlemen out.
[Donavon smirks.]
Donavon Torment:
"I think we've got a deal."
[Handshake.]